I am willing to see All events as opportunities to learn about mySelf.
Today I responded as though it were not in my best interests to get no response from my email to B____. As I walked home there was enough space in the mind for the thought that *I don't know what is in my best interests* to be heard. After this sunk in I became humble enough to remember that I have no idea what thoughts need healing in the mind. I remembered that I choose to place my trust in OneMind, not in the thoughts of Esther. I trust our OneMind to bring exactly those thoughts that need looking at with the Light to the surface. In this way I can see B____ as an agent of OneMind acting to help this mind find those thoughts that need to be seen with willingness.
So these were the thoughts arising:
I want to share my experience with B____, to tell him about what happened over easter.
I want B____ to respond to my request to meet up with him.
B____ should respond to my request to meet.
1) Is it true that he should?
The reality is that he hasn't responded, so no it can't be true.
3) How do I react when I believe he should respond and he doesn't?
I imagine reasons why he doesn't respond. I see us meeting and me being unable to be 'natural' around him. I see me being suspicious around him. I see me pushing him away. I see me putting distance between us. I see me being unable to make any request of him again. I see me waiting for him to contact me. I see me unable to express what I wanted to express.
4) How would it be if the thought could not enter my mind that he should respond?
I would be open to guidance. Anything would be a possibility. I would be free to respond to any ideas that came up. I would be open-minded as to the next course of action.
B____ shouldn't respond to my request to meet.
*He shouldn't respond as the Holy Spirit can teach me about the true nature of mySelf through the experience of him not responding.
*He shouldn't respond as that alerts me to the temptation of choosing my response from the viewpoint of the personality.
*He shouldn't respond as it gives me the opportunity to reaffirm yet again the commitment made in OneMind to let go of all obstacles to Love's presence.
*He shouldn't respond, as this has re-awakened the presence of humility within.
*B____ shouldn't respond to E____'s request. OneMind is willing to see THIS as evidence of the Reality of limitless LOVE.
I am grateful that I can trust my teacher to show me all that needs to be seen in the healing Light of forgiveness. I stand humble in the presence of Love acting within my life. I am willing to accept that I have been wrong about Love, about my brother and that I need to be taught anew. Holy Spirit I accept Your guidance, Your presence in my life and I humbly acknowledge that only You know what needs to be seen, to be brought to the Light. I trust that All events, All circumstances and All relationships are guided by You. I am willing to see All through your eyes. I know not what is in my best interests.
I trust that You will show me.
Love IS
I am willing
I see only to accept and not to judge
In thanks
Esther
26 March 2008
13 March 2008
Acceptance
There was a strong feeling of fear arising in awareness today and I was conscious of the desire to look at what was arising rather than turning away from it. When I tried to summarise the thought connected to the feeling it came out as follows:
I am afraid that there will be sadness arising if it turns out that B____ and S____ are 'going out'
Once I had written that sentence I realised that it took me much closer to the source of the discomfort that had occasionally surfaced over the last 2 weeks. Today I was much stronger in my willingness to look at this feeling and also to trust that the Holy Spirit was going to help me look at this feeling today. I sensed that I was about to find out whether or not B___ and S___ were 'going out' and I wanted to look upon the whole situation through the vision of the Holy Spirit. I sat there for some time feeling the strength of my willingness to see it through His eyes and then I started to type the following:
If sadness is arising then I am willing to accept that sadness, and to rest in acceptance.
The experience of sadness comes to mySelf through my willingness. (I am not a victim of the world I see.)
I accept that I gave my willingness to direct the power of Light through the filter of *faith in that which is not true*
I accept that the power of Light and mySelf are one. The experience of sadness arising comes to me through the power of Light therefore the arising of sadness is an experience that mySelf desired.
I desired to experience the apparent existence of that which is not true.
This feeling arising is the result of placing faith in the idea that I can be other than I am.
One Mind IS able to place faith in *that which is not true* but this never makes it real.
Sadness arising proves that the power of Light is capable of producing the *experience* of that which is not true.
One Mind is not defined by experience.
Experience exists *as* an experience due to the freedom of One Mind.
One Mind is free to forget that experience was made through placing faith in an untrue idea.
One mind is free to remember that experience was made through placing faith in an untrue idea.
The Power of Light is within me.
Amen
Esther
I am afraid that there will be sadness arising if it turns out that B____ and S____ are 'going out'
Once I had written that sentence I realised that it took me much closer to the source of the discomfort that had occasionally surfaced over the last 2 weeks. Today I was much stronger in my willingness to look at this feeling and also to trust that the Holy Spirit was going to help me look at this feeling today. I sensed that I was about to find out whether or not B___ and S___ were 'going out' and I wanted to look upon the whole situation through the vision of the Holy Spirit. I sat there for some time feeling the strength of my willingness to see it through His eyes and then I started to type the following:
If sadness is arising then I am willing to accept that sadness, and to rest in acceptance.
The experience of sadness comes to mySelf through my willingness. (I am not a victim of the world I see.)
I accept that I gave my willingness to direct the power of Light through the filter of *faith in that which is not true*
I accept that the power of Light and mySelf are one. The experience of sadness arising comes to me through the power of Light therefore the arising of sadness is an experience that mySelf desired.
I desired to experience the apparent existence of that which is not true.
This feeling arising is the result of placing faith in the idea that I can be other than I am.
One Mind IS able to place faith in *that which is not true* but this never makes it real.
Sadness arising proves that the power of Light is capable of producing the *experience* of that which is not true.
One Mind is not defined by experience.
Experience exists *as* an experience due to the freedom of One Mind.
One Mind is free to forget that experience was made through placing faith in an untrue idea.
One mind is free to remember that experience was made through placing faith in an untrue idea.
The Power of Light is within me.
Amen
Esther
12 March 2008
Eating leaves
Today brought a funny experience. Whilst cycling to work in the morning I pass a lot of hedgerow. Right now there are lots of hawthorn bushes coming into leaf. The thought came to mind last time I passed these bushes that young hawthorn leaves are apparently good to eat. I remembered this today and at one point stopped pedalling and let the bike come to a stop right next to some young hawthorn leaves. The leaves were such a vibrant colour green as they unfurled from the buds. There was a fascination with them and I picked some and ate them. My attention was focused on the sensation of eating the leaves and then I felt it was time to go. As I turned to start pedalling the bike again there was a man walking toward me only about 2 metres away. There was such a strong temptation to recoil and withdraw! "How did he get there? I didn't realise anyone was nearby. He will think I'm crazy eating leaves from a tree, how can I hide what I've been doing from him? He must have seen. There's nothing I can do. I can't pretend to be 'normal' so I'll just get out of here as fast as I can." Pedalling away at speed I managed to smile at him but with the sense of keeping him at arms length.
Before I reached the end of the road there was an awareness of the reaction that had just arisen and that it was a funny response. How funny that eating leaves was used as an excuse to justify the possibility of attack. In the moment it seemed perfectly logical that there should be fear arising in response to being seen eating leaves. As the mind became more open to enquiry the response became questionable rather than logical. What had arisen in the mind? I felt as though I'd been caught doing something unexplainable. As though he had been witness to a state of intimacy that the thinking mind had judged as abnormal. There was a sense of needing to 'cover up' what had just happened and pretend that I was 'normal.'
I need to hide what I am experiencing.
1) Is that true for me?
Felt true in that first moment but now I see that it is not true for me.
3)How do I react when I invest faith in the thought that I need to hide what I'm experiencing?
I am suspicious of my brothe. I see him as a threat. I want to deny what I was doing. I want to disappear. I feel very uncomfortable. I want to change the past. I want him to disappear. I don't want to see him and I don't want him to see me.
4)What would it be like if it were impossible for the thought to arise that I need to hide what I'm experiencing?
There would be an open-mindedness. Willingness to remain in the experience of intimacy. Absence of judgement. Peace of mind. Meeting my brother where he is.
Turnaround
I don't need to hide what I am experiencing.
*Uncovering what I was experiencing when I was with J brought a direct experience of Love in action.
*Uncovering what I experience when I am with M allows Holy Spirit to show me new ways of looking at thoughts.
*Uncovering thoughts by questioning them brings clarity and vision.
I look forward to the thought arising that I need to hide what I am experiencing again.
I look forward to the opportunity to choose again, to see what would happen if I am willing to rest openly in my experience.
Thank you Holy Spirit for bringing me everything that needs to be seen with Your Vision. I trust you and Your Purpose. In joy and laughter we continue this journey together.
Esther
Before I reached the end of the road there was an awareness of the reaction that had just arisen and that it was a funny response. How funny that eating leaves was used as an excuse to justify the possibility of attack. In the moment it seemed perfectly logical that there should be fear arising in response to being seen eating leaves. As the mind became more open to enquiry the response became questionable rather than logical. What had arisen in the mind? I felt as though I'd been caught doing something unexplainable. As though he had been witness to a state of intimacy that the thinking mind had judged as abnormal. There was a sense of needing to 'cover up' what had just happened and pretend that I was 'normal.'
I need to hide what I am experiencing.
1) Is that true for me?
Felt true in that first moment but now I see that it is not true for me.
3)How do I react when I invest faith in the thought that I need to hide what I'm experiencing?
I am suspicious of my brothe. I see him as a threat. I want to deny what I was doing. I want to disappear. I feel very uncomfortable. I want to change the past. I want him to disappear. I don't want to see him and I don't want him to see me.
4)What would it be like if it were impossible for the thought to arise that I need to hide what I'm experiencing?
There would be an open-mindedness. Willingness to remain in the experience of intimacy. Absence of judgement. Peace of mind. Meeting my brother where he is.
Turnaround
I don't need to hide what I am experiencing.
*Uncovering what I was experiencing when I was with J brought a direct experience of Love in action.
*Uncovering what I experience when I am with M allows Holy Spirit to show me new ways of looking at thoughts.
*Uncovering thoughts by questioning them brings clarity and vision.
I look forward to the thought arising that I need to hide what I am experiencing again.
I look forward to the opportunity to choose again, to see what would happen if I am willing to rest openly in my experience.
Thank you Holy Spirit for bringing me everything that needs to be seen with Your Vision. I trust you and Your Purpose. In joy and laughter we continue this journey together.
Esther
10 March 2008
gratitude
I just realised that having got regular access to the internet once again I am able to resume making regular posts. The journey since I last posted has involved many sights along the way but I would like to post based on the current thoughts in my awareness.
I am very grateful that I have been guided to the work of Byron Katie. I have found it extremely helpful in looking at the thoughts that arise within the mind without judgement. I discover, through going within and feeling for alignment, those thoughts that resonate with That Which is True for mySelf.
I am also very grateful for the teachings that are shared through Regina Dawn Akers website. Holy Spirit has shown me many useful thoughts through listening to these teachings and allowing the messages to be shared in One Mind.
I am grateful for the willingness present in every spark of our One Mind that connects us to the Truth of Who We Are.
I am also grateful to every brother and sister in this perceptual realm for the gift of projection that they present to me. Through the gift of their presence in the life of Esther this mind is able to see what was once hidden. Through interacting with Esther they uncover thoughts that were unseen through the gift of projection. Through their interaction in the life of Esther certain thoughts are "pulled out" from deep within and POP! here they are seen clearly infront of me. At this point I am free to enquire within and discover if the thoughts I sought to hide are in alignment with the Truth about mySelf.
I had a clear example of that today when I came home and saw a situation in my house that allowed frustration to be pulled out from the mind and rise up in awareness. In this instance I did not initally see the situation in these terms. I looked at the physical 'facts.' In the space of a few seconds I had the opportunity to question and turned away from that opportunity at lightening speed. I chose not to look at what was arising. Several times I had the prompt to look at this sense of frustration and I chose to look away. At about the 5th prompt I sat down with a pen and paper and decided to look at the situation using the four questions of Byron Katie. After a short time I came across the thought I was choosing to put my faith in:
I shouldn't be angry at this situation (it's silly to be angry at this situation, I should be more mature than that...)
AHA! I could feel that I had invested faith in this thought because there was a strong feeling attached to it. Immediately I could ask the questions-
1) Is it true? I shouldn't be angry at this situation?
Answer: the reality is that anger is arising in response to this situation so no, it's not true for me that I shouldn't be. I would rather look at what IS arising. That is in greater alignment with the truth than to deny what is arising.
so then I skip to the third question
3) How do I feel when I invest my faith in the thought that I shouldn't be angry in response to this situation and anger is arising?
Answer: I refuse to question what is occuring. I refuse to look at what is occuring. I distract myself by any means necessary, hoping to forget that the anger arose.
4) What would it be like if it was impossible for the thought to arise that I shouldn't be angry?
Answer: There would be a spirit of enquiry, an open-mindedness. There would be a clear awareness of the willingness to look upon the thoughts that draw a veil over the decision "not to know mySelf".
At this point the mind was perfectly willing to see the Turnaround "I SHOULD be angry at this situation." Rephrasing the original statement to read "anger should not be arising in response to this situation" takes away the personal element, and so it becomes "anger should be arising in response to this situation."
This makes far more sense than the original thought that anger should not be arising and at the same time acknowledges that mySelf is no longer identified with anger. The mind is now freed to look at anger without seeing the anger as something that reduces its vastness. The presence of this anger in the mind is not seen as a threat.
The next step is to find three ways in which the Turnaround is truer than the original thought:
* Anger should be arising because this is a perfect opportunity to practice willingness. This is an opportunity for mySelf to allow the anger to be there and at the same time be willing to accept responsibility for the choice that was once made to value the absence of Knowledge.
*Anger should be arising because this is a perfect opportunity to practice patience. I am being given the chance to consistently choose Communion as the point of reference. As I do this I remember that nothing can affect Who We Really Are and so I can practice looking patiently upon ALL thoughts that seek to offer proof that separation is real.
* Anger should be arising because it gives me the opportunity to remember what I value. It gives me the opportunity to remember that I value my brother and sister for showing me what would otherwise be hidden within the mind. I have chosen to uncover that which I sought to hide and so it is perfect that my brother gives me the opportunity to look upon this anger with willingness and patience.
The final step is a further statement of willingness:
I look forward to experiencing anger arise in awareness again.
Four ways in which I look foward to it...
* I look foward to uncovering all obstacles to the awareness of Love.
* I look foward to accepting responsibility for the choice made in OneMind to turn away from Knowledge.
* I look forward to being aware of that choice and accepting my part in it without judgement.
* I look forward to allowing ALL things to teach me that which I need to learn.
Thank you Holy Spirit for your constant presence and guidance.
Esther
I am very grateful that I have been guided to the work of Byron Katie. I have found it extremely helpful in looking at the thoughts that arise within the mind without judgement. I discover, through going within and feeling for alignment, those thoughts that resonate with That Which is True for mySelf.
I am also very grateful for the teachings that are shared through Regina Dawn Akers website. Holy Spirit has shown me many useful thoughts through listening to these teachings and allowing the messages to be shared in One Mind.
I am grateful for the willingness present in every spark of our One Mind that connects us to the Truth of Who We Are.
I am also grateful to every brother and sister in this perceptual realm for the gift of projection that they present to me. Through the gift of their presence in the life of Esther this mind is able to see what was once hidden. Through interacting with Esther they uncover thoughts that were unseen through the gift of projection. Through their interaction in the life of Esther certain thoughts are "pulled out" from deep within and POP! here they are seen clearly infront of me. At this point I am free to enquire within and discover if the thoughts I sought to hide are in alignment with the Truth about mySelf.
I had a clear example of that today when I came home and saw a situation in my house that allowed frustration to be pulled out from the mind and rise up in awareness. In this instance I did not initally see the situation in these terms. I looked at the physical 'facts.' In the space of a few seconds I had the opportunity to question and turned away from that opportunity at lightening speed. I chose not to look at what was arising. Several times I had the prompt to look at this sense of frustration and I chose to look away. At about the 5th prompt I sat down with a pen and paper and decided to look at the situation using the four questions of Byron Katie. After a short time I came across the thought I was choosing to put my faith in:
I shouldn't be angry at this situation (it's silly to be angry at this situation, I should be more mature than that...)
AHA! I could feel that I had invested faith in this thought because there was a strong feeling attached to it. Immediately I could ask the questions-
1) Is it true? I shouldn't be angry at this situation?
Answer: the reality is that anger is arising in response to this situation so no, it's not true for me that I shouldn't be. I would rather look at what IS arising. That is in greater alignment with the truth than to deny what is arising.
so then I skip to the third question
3) How do I feel when I invest my faith in the thought that I shouldn't be angry in response to this situation and anger is arising?
Answer: I refuse to question what is occuring. I refuse to look at what is occuring. I distract myself by any means necessary, hoping to forget that the anger arose.
4) What would it be like if it was impossible for the thought to arise that I shouldn't be angry?
Answer: There would be a spirit of enquiry, an open-mindedness. There would be a clear awareness of the willingness to look upon the thoughts that draw a veil over the decision "not to know mySelf".
At this point the mind was perfectly willing to see the Turnaround "I SHOULD be angry at this situation." Rephrasing the original statement to read "anger should not be arising in response to this situation" takes away the personal element, and so it becomes "anger should be arising in response to this situation."
This makes far more sense than the original thought that anger should not be arising and at the same time acknowledges that mySelf is no longer identified with anger. The mind is now freed to look at anger without seeing the anger as something that reduces its vastness. The presence of this anger in the mind is not seen as a threat.
The next step is to find three ways in which the Turnaround is truer than the original thought:
* Anger should be arising because this is a perfect opportunity to practice willingness. This is an opportunity for mySelf to allow the anger to be there and at the same time be willing to accept responsibility for the choice that was once made to value the absence of Knowledge.
*Anger should be arising because this is a perfect opportunity to practice patience. I am being given the chance to consistently choose Communion as the point of reference. As I do this I remember that nothing can affect Who We Really Are and so I can practice looking patiently upon ALL thoughts that seek to offer proof that separation is real.
* Anger should be arising because it gives me the opportunity to remember what I value. It gives me the opportunity to remember that I value my brother and sister for showing me what would otherwise be hidden within the mind. I have chosen to uncover that which I sought to hide and so it is perfect that my brother gives me the opportunity to look upon this anger with willingness and patience.
The final step is a further statement of willingness:
I look forward to experiencing anger arise in awareness again.
Four ways in which I look foward to it...
* I look foward to uncovering all obstacles to the awareness of Love.
* I look foward to accepting responsibility for the choice made in OneMind to turn away from Knowledge.
* I look forward to being aware of that choice and accepting my part in it without judgement.
* I look forward to allowing ALL things to teach me that which I need to learn.
Thank you Holy Spirit for your constant presence and guidance.
Esther
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