The body as a learning device

Wow, I‘ve learnt a really interesting thing this morning. I have discovered that the ‘in between’ time which connects sleep with wakefulness has a usefulness! I realise that this mind has been holding onto the idea for a long time that the ideal thing is to be ‘wide awake’ straight away upon rising from sleep. I am still astounded at the symbolism at work in the life of Esther the body! Really, Esther had absolutely NO idea that there was so much to be learnt by honestly looking at the thoughts occurring in the mind. There was no awareness of the pervasiveness of the idea that “I should be able to wake up straight away.” Thank You so much Holy Spirit for teaching me through allowing thoughts connected with the body to be seen and acknowledged. It feels as though I have truly experienced the meaning of the body as a ‘learning device.’ It is through the apparent experience of the body that the mind has been able to accept this valuable lesson, not through intellectual deductions of the thinking mind. Since making the decision that “I am willing to have a different experience of waking up” I have been guided to an awareness of the ‘in between’ state, and shown that this can be a useful place when judgement is absent. There was previously no awareness of the judgement that was being projected onto the body.

Two days ago after going through this ‘in between’ time the Holy Spirit guided the body through an active meditation that brought about an awareness of ‘control.’ This brought with it a corresponding awareness of the desire to let go. Once this experience had come to an end I was guided to ‘get up’ and went to the bookshelf. I took down The Way of Mastery and opened it on p226 to read the phrase “No longer is there manipulation or control.” I laughed a lot! I have since read the whole of lesson 22 ‘Self-Honesty-the Greatest Act of Love.’ In reading this chapter I feel awakened to my true desire and feel the power of this desire.

Another thing of note is the way in which I have come to understand in an experiential way the ‘advice’ that was given through me to a friend of mine. Again Esther is blown away(!) by the way that these words were perfectly applicable to her mind. One of the questions in lesson 22 is “Have I ever hated God?” Well, I had to stop and think what was meant by the word God. I then wondered if I had hated the fact that Love is all there is, the fact that Spirit gives through Spirit to Spirit that which Spirit requests.

What came to mind was the time when my first boyfriend broke up with me. At that time I had an extremely strong experience of holding onto the idea that the Universe was unfair. The way I saw it was that our inability to be together was due to something out of our control and I couldn’t blame him in any way for what had happened. I railed against the unfairness of such a situation- if all two people wanted was to be together and to be happy why should that wish not be granted by the universe. As I remembered this past time I had the desire to experience the pain again and to embrace it, knowing that ‘it need not be.’ I saw that I had been mistaken in my interpretation. When I discovered that I was not able to directly access that state of mind I let go of this ‘need’ to do so and trusted that the Holy Spirit would guide me as necessary.

At all times my true desire is for the Gifts of the Holy Spirit and not the false promise of safety offered by fear. What then came to mind was this advice that had been given through me to a friend of mine. She was afraid that by physically leaving a place she would be leaving behind her sense of belonging, safety, community, friendship. What was shared was the idea that in releasing these qualities from being tied to particular places and people a sense of true safety can arise. As I saw that I only wanted the best for her, the greatest idea of Who she Is I realised the perfection of the situation. I wanted her to see just how loved she really is, that it matters not where she goes or who she is with, the Christ that is within deserves only perfect safety. What a sense of freedom to know that! I saw that which I truly wanted for my sister in Christ, to know herself as she is, and how her apparent ‘loss’ in the world was actually giving her the opportunity to release an outworn idea of who she is (undeserving and limited.) As I was reminded of this advice I saw that it was perfectly applicable to my past experience. How much easier it was for me to see this when Holy Spirit showed it to me through my sister in Christ! I saw that there was nothing I wanted more for her, and didn’t feel guilty or wrong in any way for wanting that- how could I? I wanted only perfect freedom and safety for her. The question is; “Would I choose anything less for mySelf?”