The last three days I have been inspired to go back to workbook lessons starting with the lesson which was presented when I opened the book 'randomly.' Yesterday I was on lesson 77 "I am entitled to miracles" and had such an amazing day...
Lesson 77
I am entitled to miracles.
09:00am
Be gentle with yourself today. Look to me in all things. Let me be the one who speaks through you today. Let my knowledge be given you today. You need only concern yourself with awareness of your willingness to hear My voice.
You are entitled to see differently.
13:00 at work
Holy Spirit I feel as though I am struggling with the lesson for today.
Child, join me as I watch from above the battleground, in truth you are safe with me far above this seeming fray. There is nothing to fear in seeing an apparent battle. Seeing this apparent sight does not mean that you are in danger. Feeling this struggle does not affect your ability to connect with miracle mindedness. Notice a strong willingness to believe what this feeling of struggle would tell you about your identity. Notice that this is a pattern which the ego would use to convince you that there is proof you are separate. The ego seems to produce compelling evidence- “you don’t know what a miracle is, you won’t succeed in understanding the lesson of the day, you will not get out of this confusion you are in, you won’t gain any benefit from the lesson unless you understand it, take ownership of it, you’re not sure so you won’t succeed.”
It seems as though it is about success. Success appears to be linked with progress, with doing something and yet the Holy Spirit teaches that I need do nothing. Miracles come from Spirit, from the Oneness and it is not up to me to determine the content or the form. I need only be willing.
Holy Spirit I AM willing to look to you. I WOULD hear your words, your voice. I DO trust in you. This IS real because I feel it in my heart. I trust in my willingness. I know that You are with me. My desire is to open my heart that I might learn miracle mindedness. Your voice has been given me that learning this will be inevitable.
01:00am
Wow, what an amazing teacher! Thank you Holy Spirit for Your sight. I gladly accept Your vision, I will only to see what You would show me through your grace.
Some of my colleagues from work spontaneously decided to have a barbeque tonight and I was invited. I said yes straight away and felt sure in being guided to make that response. We had a wonderful evening and I kept saying how perfect the whole evening was, everything was so effortless and there was much laughter and sharing and enjoyment. However at around midnight I started to be aware of feeling nauseous. I have had a phobia about being physically sick for a long time and once this feeling was present I noticed a lot of thoughts coming up in response to that. There was a definite temptation to believe in judgment and use “reason” to reinforce the idea that all is not perfect. I noticed such thoughts as “I should not have drunk so much, if I was the Child of God I would not do such things as to drink this amount of wine, to smoke joints etc. I’ve obviously slipped into a pattern of following the ego.”
Thank You Holy Spirit for your constant watch over me, and readiness to respond the moment that I call out to you.
As I felt sick the first response was to judge- “I’ve definitely gone the wrong way now. A Child of God wouldn’t be dumb enough to get herself into this kind of situation- overindulging etc” The second response was to fall into old habits of attempting to repress the physical urge to be sick. The third response was to allow rest and the opportunity for my real desire to emerge. At that point I realised that I could say in a heartfelt manner that all I wanted was to know myself as the Child of God, to know myself as I am in truth and not in experience. As I sunk to my knees on the floor of the bathroom, in front of the toilet, I knew that as I voiced these words they were heartfelt but I also noticed a thought in my mind that jumped in very quickly reasoning that as my truth is to see that I am not a body being physically sick would not help me in any way to reach this realisation. Only dimly aware of this thought I was still unwilling to surrender entirely to Spirit. As I stood in the bathroom of my friend’s house I was aware that there were two ways of looking at the situation and that I was responsible for making a decision but there was a strong willingness to surrender to the thought that “I am not entirely willing to surrender to the apparent “physical” symptoms, I won’t be able to accept the consequences, I’m not sure I can do this.” However, at the same time I was still aware, however dimly, that there was another choice and there was a possibility of making that choice. As I felt the urge to be sick I let go enough to allow a full retch believing that at that point I had surrendered. However, I discovered that nothing came out as my throat closed up as the stomach heaved. For a moment I felt relieved that I had gone further than ever before in letting go and that I had done the best I could, it wasn’t my fault if it simply couldn’t come out. I got up and realised that the waves of nausea hadn’t completely disappeared and stood transfixed once again. I also had an aversion to other bodies being around while I felt like this, whilst conversely wishing that someone would tell me that it was OK in such a way that I would feel 100% reassured. As my friends came into the kitchen I forced myself to unlock the bathroom door and speak to them, despite this fear of being sick around others whilst simultaneously not wanting to be on my own. I saw the complete impossibility of having both thoughts at the same time and that in that moment I chose to acknowledge the others as being there, hearing the fear and yet choosing to engage with them anyway. I was seeking for reassurance but I didn’t know what for. What I did know, however, was that when they said “It’s ok to be sick, no-one enjoys it but you’ll feel better afterward” I did not feel reassured in the way I had imagined. Once I had noticed the thought that they were not giving me the reassurance I felt I wanted I was able to let that thought go. As I did so I acknowledged that in some way I had been hoping that someone else could take away the fear for me. As I let go of that false desire I realised that their response definitely supported me in holding the idea that being sick would be a helpful thing. They had also let me know that they did not judge my being sick as a bad thing beyond the fact that it’s not the most pleasant sensation in the world. These two thoughts did help me and strengthened my willingness to consider the possibility that I might be physically sick-even though I couldn’t really imagine going through with it. The thought then occurred to me that I could take a walk down the lane outside the house (they live in the countryside) as movement generally stimulated the sensation of nausea. I felt that in that way I would carry out an action that showed trust in the possibility of being sick. By actively choosing to walk I would demonstrate the ability to act in the face of fear rather than retreating. As I walked out onto the lane I was struck by the beauty of the sky, stars and moon. The sensation of nausea did not strike me particularly hard at this point and there was the thought that maybe the experience was going to end there.
However the next moment it was as if I heard myself calling out that I was willing to do whatever it takes to know myself as I am. I heard myself make this statement twice in a completely committed way, and it was also extremely clear in my mind as I heard the words in my head that in that moment there was absolutely no hint of a prescription as to how that might manifest. There was absolutely no judgment in that moment as to what might be required of me and whether I would be able to carry through.
Then it was as if I heard the words “whatever it takes?” echoed back to me and as I reflected upon that question I realised that the answer was a hearty yes. Yes, even if that meant having to take a physical action representing my willingness, such as reaching into the back of my mouth and touching my throat with my finger in the face of this fear (something which I had previously thought I could never do.) And so I did just that and felt my stomach heave once more and nothing come out as my throat closed up. This time, I sank to my knees in the grass and noticed myself, for the first time, holding the thought that it must be possible to allow the throat to be open while the stomach was heaving. I decided that if the heaving returned I wanted to hold in my mind the intention of allowing the throat to be open. As the next wave came I held onto this thought as to the mainsail of my boat in the storm and felt the full force of the act of vomiting. And there was the thought clear as day “I’m going to die, I have to stop it, If this doesn’t stop then I will die.” And then the wave passed. I was amazed by the clarity of the moment and by the fact that this experience surfaced so suddenly and unexpectedly and was then so quickly gone. Almost straight away I felt another wave of retching approaching and I held close once more to the same intention, to allow the throat to open. As the action of vomiting occurred for the second time I felt the exact same emotion, the same thought and understood in that moment that the fear associated with those thoughts would never again need to be hidden. In that moment I knew I was safe, I knew that it was just a thought, and that the power came from the thought and not from the physical act of vomiting. By allowing the vomiting I was not allowing the possibility that the body would actually die, but rather I was allowing the chance to let go of the misperception that the physical act was responsible for the feeling that I was experiencing.
When I was about 9 years old I fell off my bicycle whilst travelling at a fairly fast speed and hit the side of my head as I fell off, knocking myself unconscious. I regained consciousness briefly as my parents took me to the hospital in the car but I felt extremely disembodied and disoriented. The last memory I had, connected with the accident, was of being on a trolley in the hospital and being really sick and seeing an unreasonably large amount of strange coloured vomit in front of me. I was in hospital for three days. I don’t recall how long it was before I regained consciousness. In the moment today when I consciously invited the action of vomiting to occur I allowed myself to access this experience which, up until now, I had hidden where I did not want to find it! As a 9 year old I experienced the thought that I was responsible for ensuring my own safety, that it was up to me to stop this endless vomiting, that there was nothing in control, I was scared, what if I couldn’t stop it, what if I died? I had to stop it, there was no doubt in my mind at that moment.
And yet this evening the Holy Spirit heard my prayers and drew me to a situation where I could allow this darkness to be seen whilst looking from the light. I am able to view the situation with compassion, not blaming the 9 year old for having those thoughts in mind but knowing that I am now in a position to choose differently. It is not that I was wrong for having those thoughts in mind, but that as an adult I can now choose to view those thoughts as being mistaken. As an adult I can experience the full impact of those thoughts and yet look with the Holy Spirit. What a blessing.
I cannot begin to express my gratitude as this moment of right mindedness spread peace throughout the one Mind. I knew that Holy Spirit was right with me, I knew that Holy Spirit had answered my prayer, I knew that I had been given an opportunity to find faith in trust, I knew that everything is perfect in His sight. Such knowledge, such certainty brings immense gratitude. I saw that there was indeed perfection in the unfolding of all events if we allow His Purpose to shine through and I would not have it any other way. I did not want to change a single thing in the whole experience. I felt humbled in having had the opportunity to really experience the strength of my own conviction, the faith which exists within.
A miracle indeed! A wondrous event to feel the full import of stating with no reservation my true desire, to know myself whatever it takes.
23 May 2007
9 May 2007
Thankfulness
I’d just like to give you the background to recent events which led to my having the phone session with DavidPaul described in the post below, as the whole sequence has been the start of a new cycle for me…
I subscribe to several different foundations every month and recently these subscriptions came up for renewal as my debit card went past its expiry date. Without much thought I went to paypal and updated my details thinking that would allow the payments to continue. This was the case for two of them, but one payment (for the Voice for Love website run by DavidPaul and Candace Doyle) was not actually through paypal, but through the individual website. I got more than one or two emails from the site to let me know that the card had expired and giving me a link to update my information but I put the message on hold and didn’t update the information.
Choosing to be a member of this site had given me access to weekly and monthly materials that simply arrived in my inbox, and I could listen to the messages or download them with one easy click. Without being particularly aware of it I had got into the habit (as a result of thoughts such as “I’m too busy to download it, I’ve got plenty to listen to already etc) of deleting these messages before even listening to them! This train of thought, which was going in a particular direction, led to questioning whether it was worth renewing the subscription. I was delaying making a decision on this matter, although I had no idea when I might decide one way or the other.
What happened next is that I got a message on my mobile from DavidPaul just to say Hi and to let me know that the card had expired. Finally I sat up and took notice- here was an opportunity! This was a chance to look again at something that I had acknowledged as being connected to the Truth, and yet to which I had stopped paying attention. There was something about getting a message directly from DavidPaul that caught my notice. It was like an invitation to join and I acted upon it directly! This was the moment when I was no longer in any doubt as to whether to renew the subscription or not. I immediately renewed and the same day took the Doyles book “the Journey that never was” off the shelf and started to re-read it.
It is wonderful when something happens which leaves one in no doubt as to the right- minded response! I also chose to open A Course In Miracles, for the first time in a while, and one of the first things I read was:
“I said before that forgetting is merely a way of remembering better. It is therefore not the opposite of remembering when it is properly perceived. Perceived improperly, it induces a perception of conflict with something else, as all incorrect perception does. Properly perceived, it can be used as a way out of conflict, as all proper perception can.” T7 IV 2:7-10
I realised then that this was indeed an opportunity. I could choose to see this moment as a way of remembering better what it is that I want. I could choose to use this moment to reconnect to my desire for Truth and Love. All this was truly being offered me in the moment. It was a joyful experience to reconnect with the desire within.
DavidPaul mentioned the possibility of talking on the phone and I saw this as another opportunity, which I had heretofore ignored or overlooked. Not this time! I was prepared to allow the possibility that this might hold more gifts of learning and Love.
We spoke on the phone and I felt guided to book a session with him where I could ask questions directly to the Holy Spirit. This turned out to be another wonderful opportunity and brought to light many useful ideas, thoughts and ways of looking at things. When DavidPaul sent me a copy of the recording I felt guided to make a transcription of it as another way of absorbing the ideas. This was very useful to me, and I later asked him if it was ok to share it on the blog. I understand that the thoughts shared were extremely useful to me as they spoke directly to where I was in the moment, but I thought it would be great to share the words so that there is the opportunity for others to hear them too.
I would like to thank both DavidPaul and Candace for their commitment to sharing the presence of Love, and the Journey with so many others. Truly, we call to each other as we allow the Light to shine brightly.
It is of no consequence that I was not listening to the messages for a while, what is of consequence is that I choose to listen now. What matters is that I am ready to bring any darkness that is uncovered to the light. I am able to notice judgments that the darkness is useless and should be ignored or pushed away and simply choose again. This was, I feel, a strong message that came through as a result of the session. I choose to allow the possibility of linking together what I know to be True (Oneness, Love, Abstraction) and those ideas/feelings/thoughts/situations/events which appear to be far from the Truth. It is not necessary for me to judge any of those things that fall into the second category above. In contrast, it IS possible to allow any of those things to be and to know that the Truth is STILL true. This seems like a missing pin, which I had failed to acknowledge in a real practical everyday sense before.
I now feel that I am ready to allow more of those thoughts/ideas/beliefs/feelings that appear to be far from the truth to be flushed up in order that I can let this process of undoing begin. It seems quite challenging at times, for there is often fear of allowing the darkness ‘full reign.’ A sense that it is quite proper to label a certain behaviour as unreasonable “If I was thinking in my right mind I obviously wouldn’t feel like that/ would be able to react differently.” I understand that gentleness and compassion are central to this path and it is with great willingness that I undertake to learn the lessons of Love.
With thanks to All
To sing the song of joy
Esther.
I subscribe to several different foundations every month and recently these subscriptions came up for renewal as my debit card went past its expiry date. Without much thought I went to paypal and updated my details thinking that would allow the payments to continue. This was the case for two of them, but one payment (for the Voice for Love website run by DavidPaul and Candace Doyle) was not actually through paypal, but through the individual website. I got more than one or two emails from the site to let me know that the card had expired and giving me a link to update my information but I put the message on hold and didn’t update the information.
Choosing to be a member of this site had given me access to weekly and monthly materials that simply arrived in my inbox, and I could listen to the messages or download them with one easy click. Without being particularly aware of it I had got into the habit (as a result of thoughts such as “I’m too busy to download it, I’ve got plenty to listen to already etc) of deleting these messages before even listening to them! This train of thought, which was going in a particular direction, led to questioning whether it was worth renewing the subscription. I was delaying making a decision on this matter, although I had no idea when I might decide one way or the other.
What happened next is that I got a message on my mobile from DavidPaul just to say Hi and to let me know that the card had expired. Finally I sat up and took notice- here was an opportunity! This was a chance to look again at something that I had acknowledged as being connected to the Truth, and yet to which I had stopped paying attention. There was something about getting a message directly from DavidPaul that caught my notice. It was like an invitation to join and I acted upon it directly! This was the moment when I was no longer in any doubt as to whether to renew the subscription or not. I immediately renewed and the same day took the Doyles book “the Journey that never was” off the shelf and started to re-read it.
It is wonderful when something happens which leaves one in no doubt as to the right- minded response! I also chose to open A Course In Miracles, for the first time in a while, and one of the first things I read was:
“I said before that forgetting is merely a way of remembering better. It is therefore not the opposite of remembering when it is properly perceived. Perceived improperly, it induces a perception of conflict with something else, as all incorrect perception does. Properly perceived, it can be used as a way out of conflict, as all proper perception can.” T7 IV 2:7-10
I realised then that this was indeed an opportunity. I could choose to see this moment as a way of remembering better what it is that I want. I could choose to use this moment to reconnect to my desire for Truth and Love. All this was truly being offered me in the moment. It was a joyful experience to reconnect with the desire within.
DavidPaul mentioned the possibility of talking on the phone and I saw this as another opportunity, which I had heretofore ignored or overlooked. Not this time! I was prepared to allow the possibility that this might hold more gifts of learning and Love.
We spoke on the phone and I felt guided to book a session with him where I could ask questions directly to the Holy Spirit. This turned out to be another wonderful opportunity and brought to light many useful ideas, thoughts and ways of looking at things. When DavidPaul sent me a copy of the recording I felt guided to make a transcription of it as another way of absorbing the ideas. This was very useful to me, and I later asked him if it was ok to share it on the blog. I understand that the thoughts shared were extremely useful to me as they spoke directly to where I was in the moment, but I thought it would be great to share the words so that there is the opportunity for others to hear them too.
I would like to thank both DavidPaul and Candace for their commitment to sharing the presence of Love, and the Journey with so many others. Truly, we call to each other as we allow the Light to shine brightly.
It is of no consequence that I was not listening to the messages for a while, what is of consequence is that I choose to listen now. What matters is that I am ready to bring any darkness that is uncovered to the light. I am able to notice judgments that the darkness is useless and should be ignored or pushed away and simply choose again. This was, I feel, a strong message that came through as a result of the session. I choose to allow the possibility of linking together what I know to be True (Oneness, Love, Abstraction) and those ideas/feelings/thoughts/situations/events which appear to be far from the Truth. It is not necessary for me to judge any of those things that fall into the second category above. In contrast, it IS possible to allow any of those things to be and to know that the Truth is STILL true. This seems like a missing pin, which I had failed to acknowledge in a real practical everyday sense before.
I now feel that I am ready to allow more of those thoughts/ideas/beliefs/feelings that appear to be far from the truth to be flushed up in order that I can let this process of undoing begin. It seems quite challenging at times, for there is often fear of allowing the darkness ‘full reign.’ A sense that it is quite proper to label a certain behaviour as unreasonable “If I was thinking in my right mind I obviously wouldn’t feel like that/ would be able to react differently.” I understand that gentleness and compassion are central to this path and it is with great willingness that I undertake to learn the lessons of Love.
With thanks to All
To sing the song of joy
Esther.
Session Transcription from 27/4/07 with DavidPaul Doyle
HS:
Greetings and blessings to you Precious One. Indeed it is a joyous occasion to gather together with you in this way. Thank you so much for your courage, your desire, and your commitment to being the presence of Truth in the world. To not just understand the truth but truly have that awareness within the world, within what one perceives, and to be able to transcend the world’s perception and indeed enter that place of knowingness where there is no duality, only the knowingness of pure oneness, Love and Union with your Father.
You have done a wonderful job to wrap your mind around the Truth, to integrate that awareness into your mind, into your beliefs and into your perception. It is often the challenge for most to apply these truths to situations that are perceived with the ego. The ego is very good at proving its point, at convincing one that that perception is accurate, and it can be difficult in the beginning to see the misperception and to truly let that go and to bring truth to what appears to happen in the world. And yet once you lock that ability in it becomes easier and easier and easier to shift into that state of mind. And we can certainly work with you today to do just that.
What this one suggested is a good idea and will be helpful, and there will be other things that unfold during our time together in this way, and yet for now please feel free to share with this one, and yourself, a situation that you are experiencing, the understanding of truth that you have, and how those seem contradictory to you in this particular situation. Does that sound ok with you?
E:
Yes. So, I can immediately think of a specific situation, which I seem to be experiencing at the moment.
The child of God is what I want to see in every person who I interact with and in the past it’s been easier for me to say, in that respect, what I don’t want is a relationship with a person that’s a special relationship. That kind of sexual special relationship type of interaction that exists in the world. And it’s been easier for me to say that’s what I don’t want and therefore, in a sense, to avoid any possibility of getting caught up in that scenario. That’s quite easy for me to do that but I guess I’ve come to realise that that’s not the best way of bringing truth into the world- to say that’s what I don’t want and by avoiding that I’ll make sure that that doesn’t happen! So I feel that I’ve now opened the door to another way of looking at that apparent situation in the world.
So specifically what’s happened is that a person has appeared in my life who I’ve allowed that type of interaction to occur with. I’ve allowed the possibility of that. Having had, in the world’s eyes, that kind of connection with that person I then find myself confused about exactly what it is I’ve allowed to happen. It seems like the two things are mutually exclusive, being able to see that person as the Child of God (and in that sense the same as myself, and we’re equal in that respect) and yet having this physical situation, which the world defines in a completely different way. And then getting caught up in feelings that are associated with my identity as a person in the world. Feeling that that’s not what I want, but knowing I’m starting to relate to that person as somebody who can do things that will make me happy. Feeling that how they respond to me in the physical sense is important and that will be telling me about who I am, and how I am, and whether I am ok. And not wanting it to be like that but also not wanting to just push the whole thing away and say “Well in that I case I just close the door on that.” That’s my best description of the situation as I see it, I think- a specific situation.
HS:
Thank you very much for sharing that and it is indeed common when one is trying so hard to let go of the ego and the special relationship that the ego has with the world, while trying to integrate truth at the same time. What is often the case for many is that they perceive the action, or the result, or the manifestation of form as indicative of the ego, as coming from the ego. For example, when one talks about special relationships what one is describing is relating to the world through the ego. Where one is attached, controlled, manipulative, wanting, needing, dependent upon whatever the thing is. So if one is relating to a relationship through the ego’s eyes one must have that relationship to have peace. One must have the relationship be how they want, to have peace. One finds happiness in the form of just ‘A relationship’ and one is fearful of losing that relationship, and these types of things. That is how one would define a special relationship, when one is perceiving relationship in that way. Hoarding them, controlling them, afraid of losing them and seeking satisfaction and joy and completion in them. And yet that does not exclude having a relationship in your right mind. If one were to be in a relationship within their right mind a relationship would be a place of celebration, opportunity, sharing, joining, playing, partnership, mutual support, friendship and these types of things where one can be in the relationship and yet not see it as their source of joy, their source of completion, what gives them their connection etc but as an outcome of the joy, the connection, the peace, the completion that one already has within their heart and mind.
Sex itself…
One cannot look at a physical situation and know if it is coming from the ego or coming from one’s right mind or coming from a place of holiness, because the physical world has nothing to do with determining that. One could be in a relationship and be in the ego, and one could be in a relationship and be in their right mind. One can spontaneously make love with another from a place of joy, celebration, union, friendship, intimacy etc and it is not the act that determines what one is doing but the state of mind that is the cause. If one is in their ego and believes and experiences that that is going to give them fulfilment and joy and completion and security and the love that they seek, well then they will experience all of the wants and needs and fears of lovemaking. And there will be no ultimate peace, joy or union in that experience. And yet, one could be with the same partner in the same evening and be in their right mind, and perform the same exact actions, yet with an entirely different frame of mind. So it is not the action, what one does, that determines whether they’re having a special relationship or a holy relationship it is the state of mind that one has within the relationship.
Does that make sense to you?
E:
Yes. That does make sense.
HS:
So, one is used to looking at form and judging it. The ego is used to seeing form and manipulating it. Manipulating it to meet its needs. To meet what it wants, what it fears etc. And yet when one is in their right mind all relationship has the same potential. The potential for joining, for union, for celebration, for connection. So one could be in a love relationship, a committed partner, and make love on a regular basis, have goals with this one on a regular basis, co-create with this one in everything that one would seek in a lifetime and yet only be in one’s right mind, only be speaking truth, sharing truth, having tenderness, intimacy, union, connection, celebration, friendship and wonderful lovemaking. And yet it is all a result of what comes naturally and spontaneously from a place of wholeness and completion and joy. That is certainly possible, and yet in the process how one comes to that is to continually restore themselves to their right mind while being in the relationship. So if you are fearful: to find healing and forgiveness. If you are feeling attached: to let go and surrender. If you are feeling disconnected or uncertain: to go within and connect, and seek guidance and inspiration. And you can continually restore yourself to your right mind throughout the challenges, throughout the fears, throughout the attachment throughout the worry, the confusion, the doubt etc. And keep moving into a place deeper and deeper and deeper of living in your right mind within the relationship. It is not that you must first completely be in your right mind and only create from that place for that is not very realistic. But what would be good is to be aware of when you are attached, when you are in fear, when you are trying to fulfil yourself from without and these types of things. And in those moments seek healing, seek correction of the mind, seek forgiveness of yourself and compassion for yourself for having those thoughts. Be gentle with yourself, kind with yourself, forgiving of yourself and then restore yourself to your right mind. And when you do, to then say, “How can we express love in this moment? How can I share love in this moment? How can I join with my partner in this moment, in this place of completion and joy?” And then you move one step into doing that and then another, then another and it is a process that unfolds. You will learn to relate to this one in a Holy Relationship over time, with practice and commitment. And you will slowly let go of old patterns and habits of being in a special relationship. And the important part is to be gentle with yourself in the process. Forgiving of yourself, compassionate of yourself, and it will be much easier indeed than either beating yourself up or turning the relationship off or shunning it in the meantime.
What does that sound like to you?
E:
Thank you.
What that makes me realise is that where I feel like I am is actually…it feels like there’s two people-there’s me and there’s him-and it feels like I know where I’m coming from but it feels like I don’t know where he’s coming from. Part of me is also saying “but you know that you’re connected, it’s not as though you are really separate.” Ultimately there is no separation, but the way I perceive it is that we do appear to be two separate people. I know that I have this dedication to aligning with the truth and it seems like I don’t know where he’s at. I seem to have judgments about how he appears to be in the world and also the fact that I don’t know if we’re really having a relationship or if it’s possible to have a relationship. Just that something happened. Specifically in this situation I feel like I have to do something, I have to ask him where he’s at. But then another part of me says well he should ask me where I’m at. On a question of action, what I actually do in my interaction with him leaves me feeling a bit confused. I don’t know if that makes any sense.
HS:
Yes. What you are wanting, ultimately for yourself, is to be in a Holy Relationship. In part, you would like to be in a Holy Relationship with someone who wants to be in one with you. You know that that is ultimately what you seek. You have the desire to be with someone who wants that as well. The challenge comes in when one does not appear to be seeking that or pursing that.
E:
I don’t know why I am afraid of that. I mean I don’t know why I am afraid of showing that. Being open about that being what I want, what I desire so that other people can see that.
HS:
You are afraid of committing to that verbally even within yourself, as well as with another, for fear that you may fail. It is the same; you fear that another will fail. You do not know if you can trust them. Even if they say that is what they want you will still doubt their ability to commit to that because you doubt your own ability to commit to it. It is only because you judge, each time you seem to fail. You think that when you catch yourself in being with the ego or thinking with the ego or acting out of it that you have failed or made a mistake. And yet the more you can compassionately accept that that is ok in that moment, that you can be loving and kind and forgiving to yourself, the more that you can give yourself that compassion and acceptance, the more you can extend that compassion and acceptance to another. The more that you can see that you are doing the best job that you can do, the more you will be able to extend that to another. And in this way there does not need to be perfection on your part, nor on another’s. It is an evolution, a process. And one that unfolds over time for both parties. A part of being in a lifetime relationship with one is coming to see that where they are is perfect. That whatever they are going through is perfect. That they don’t have to choose peace, and joy, and Holy Relationship in every moment, that the process of getting there is by going from one side of the clock to the other. It’s a back and forth. Recognising the ego and choosing differently. Experiencing the ego, becoming aware of it and choosing differently. And that does not need to happen in every second like a clock. It could happen every minute, every hour, every 24 hours etc. To where there is a consistent deepening and choosing and learning and growth. And the more that you can give that to yourself the more you can allow your partner that same graceful accepting evolution. And that is much more realistic than to think that one should commit so fervently that they must choose only to be in that place each and every day. And to have such expectations sets yourself up for failure in your own mind, and sets the other one up for failure in your own mind. And it will never be good enough, you will always be judging yourself. And the truth is that judgment can only come from the ego. The Holy Spirit does not judge you for experiencing the ego, for choosing the ego. It just lovingly joins you where you are and helps you to choose differently.
In many ways it is as if one is digging through the dirt and pulls out a diamond. The diamond is dirty, has ore around it, it needs to be polished. That is similar to the ego. One must uncover the ego, experience it, allow it to be there, be a witness to it and then polish it with one’s love, with one’s forgiveness with one’s kindness and grace. Then it becomes the diamond in the rough, it becomes your salvation, it becomes your freedom, your joy. In that way you are restored to your right mind but it does not come from judging the ore and the ugliness and the dirtiness of that rock. It comes from lovingly polishing it, being with it and extending only love to it, whether that be forgiveness or compassion or acceptance. In that way one is gracefully picking up the pieces of ore that either fall into one’s lap, or get dug up within one’s heart and mind and slowly polishing them and transforming them into the beautiful diamond that is at their source. So the more that you can accept this process and this path, the more that you can allow your partner to be where they’re at; tick tocking back and forth at their own pace, picking up ore at their own pace, polishing it at their own pace, and restoring themselves to their right mind at their own pace, just as the Holy Spirit does for you. Therefore you do not need to have certain expectations of another for you have let those expectations go of yourself and know that you are indeed doing the best you can in this moment.
How does that sound to you?
E:
That sounds that it makes a lot of sense. That would make a lot of difference if I can look at things in that way-to be engaged in the process. That speaks to where I am at, definitely.
HS:
When you go into fear about another’s behaviour, about another’s intentions, about what one may say or do, you can recognise that that fear is your opportunity for healing. It is not that you must work harder to get that person to commit, to choose, to convince you of their sincerity or their intentions, it is that in that moment you have just picked up a piece of ore, a raw diamond, and that is your opportunity to heal it. It is not to say that you can’t share that with another. You could say, “Look, I just recognised that I am afraid. I feel afraid that you don’t love me as I love you, or that you aren’t as committed as I am. It’s not that you need prove that to me, I am only acknowledging my own fears.” It is not that you would want to do this every day for that would be unpleasant for both of you. And yet there is nothing wrong with sharing your fears and your intentions. “My goal is to let go of this fear, to trust in both myself and in you and to have faith that all things will be perfect as they already are.” It is just an opportunity for your own healing. You may decide to communicate that and you may not. It does not matter; it is only the recognition of what it is. That it truly has nothing to do with the other.
E;
That really speaks strongly to me. Seeing the possibility of reacting that way, and seeing it in that light just makes me aware of the fact that on another level I am afraid that I don’t even have the right to have a conversation with him about how I’m feeling because that’s too intense or something. Because on the level of the world, there’s no clear sense of what kind of relationship even exists between us. There is a sense of fear around even addressing that. Although the idea of being able to say to him “I’m aware that I’m afraid you don’t feel the same way I do, but I know that that’s coming from me” is something I can see that I could get a lot from.
HS:
Yes, and there’s that fear of expressing these things to get him to do something. And yet if you only shared them from your own heart as if you were just saying “I want to feel closer to you and how I would like to do that is to share how I am feeling and what I am thinking and these types of things, but I am afraid that by opening myself up that I may push you away, or that it may complicate things.” And it is not that you are asking him to do anything, it is that you just want to share your heart, your emotions with him, because you are opening up to doing so and it feels inspiring and connecting. And that you are uncertain or nervous of doing so but you feel as if you are being called to do so (or whatever it may be) but when you communicate from just what’s going on with you there’s no expectation of him. Someone may tell someone how they’re feeling so that the other person can fix it or come back and reassure them that they do love them, they do want to be with them, and the intentions are still coming from the ego. But when one truly just shares from their heart about what they are feeling and their own fears or concerns, and hopes and dreams with no expectation for the other that is when true healing happens for both of you. You are not asking him to be in a special relationship, or a co-dependent relationship in that moment, you are just being vulnerable and sharing and that is it. That intention can be shared in such a way that he is clear you are not asking anything of him in that moment. And if he is clear about that, it opens him up to just being a listener as opposed to a healer or a fixer.
E:
Yes. That’s a completely different way of looking at it and it seems strange that I couldn’t see that before. That makes a huge amount of sense.
HS:
This one who shares these words with you spends time doing something similar with his wife. One night a week they just share how they’re feeling and what’s going on with them in general, and the other one just listens and that’s it. And when they’re finished they acknowledge that they heard that person, and then they move on with their evening. There’s no solving of the emotions or whatnot because it is truly not about the other person it is just an opportunity to share what one is feeling and thinking. And yet, when one has that intention on both sides; to just share and not fix, both sides are off the hook to solve, and what ends up happening is that the emotions just fall away anyway. Just like the ego, when one acknowledges the ego without judging it, without fixing it, without making it go away etc. it’s just allowed to be-and it that moment one is in a Holy Relationship with that thought, with that emotion. By the mere fact of being in a Holy Relationship with it, it just dissolves and returns to what it truly is-which is Love. It is a different way of sharing one’s feelings and yet you can certainly set the stage with your partner to just allow you to share what is happening with you, with no expectation of them.
E:
Thank you very much. That really helps.
HS:
It was originally thought that you would share a situation, share your understanding of truth and that we would bridge the gap. Does that seem to have happened for you in this particular situation?
E:
Yes it does. The gap was crossed when you pointed out that I’m not asking anything at that point: when I’m sharing how I’m feeling and simply stating an intention to express my feeling. Knowing that when I’m doing that I’m not doing it in order for anything to be fixed or expecting something back. I now know that is possible and I can see that in my minds eye, and therefore it’s possible for me to interact with that person in such a way as I’m not asking for something, and I’m not afraid that there’s something I’m not going to get that I need, or afraid that I’m going to become dependent upon that person. It does always come down to fear or love, clearly, and that’s where the fear is, I think, judging myself harshly and saying “I’m obviously going to fall down on the side of the ego, I’m going to want something from that person that they can’t give and I’m going to feel bad because of that.” And being able to see a situation where that doesn’t have to happen, in a specific way, frees me up from that fear- knowing that that isn’t true.
HS:
Yes. Wonderful. Do you have more of a question about any of that?
E:
About that specific situation, no I don’t think so because it really feels like that shifted the emphasis for me.
HS:
Do you have another example that you would like to discuss?
E:
Yes there is another example I’d like to share with you; maybe it’s related to what you were just talking about. Several times I’ve done lessons from ACIM and each time I do it I seem to have a block around the review sections. I don’t understand why that is: that there seems to be a huge amount of resistance about doing the review sections. I’m not sure if there’s anything you could share with me that would make it any clearer as to why that happens and if there’s a way to work through that resistance.
HS:
Thank you for your question. In this particular case you are wanting truth so badly that there is a momentum within you to just keep moving forward, to just keep taking it in, moving deeper, moving further, moving to the next step as if the next step will always be that key piece, that next evolutionary step. In some ways there is the thought within you that by reviewing and slowing down you are not moving forward, you are just going over what you, technically, have already done. It’s as if you’ve checked those items off your to do list and you’ve forgotten about them and it’s time to just keep moving forward. When, in fact, there is no end to it. Even if you are making a choice today you will still be making a choice tomorrow and every day for the rest of your life: to be in your right mind, to be the presence of Love, to be forgiving. It will be a continual process, and in that way whether you are on step 29 or 356, or your fifth time through the workbook the choice is always the same, the outcome is always the same. It is just a shift into your right mind. And the more you make it, regardless of which lesson you’re on, how many times you’ve done the course, or where you’re at in your life, it is the same; it is equal. There is no destination; there is only the journey. That is why one wrote the book The Journey Without End. It is truly the path and the process that is the ultimate destination. So for you to, once again, allow yourself to have that ebb and flow. To know that momentum forward and progression forward does not have to look a certain way. It is just being present in this moment, and embracing what is before you; that is both the journey and the destination. When you see that both the journey and the destination are the same you can allow yourself to review, knowing that you are not going back, you are not stagnating, you are not wasting time but you are truly moving forward-as if you were moving forward with any other choice, any other day.
Does that make any sense to you?
E:
Yes it does. Again, it underlines being gentle, and not judging, ebb and flow, tides coming and going, accepting the whole process.
HS:
Yes, and knowing that the ebb and the flow are both a part of the journey, and are both a part of the destination. It’s not that if you have more ebb or more flow you win. One cannot exist without the other and in truth they both co-exist together. You cannot have the diamond unless you find the piece of ore. It is why the ego was invented in the first place. For the One to awaken to its Oneness, to the experience of its Oneness, it was necessary to forget. In that way the forgetting becomes the means by which one remembers. It is just as holy an endeavour as the remembering, for if one does not wholly forget one cannot wholly remember.
Does that make sense to you?
E:
Yes.
HS:
So although you think that finding the ego, experiencing the ego, acknowledging the ego is somehow less than choosing Right Mindedness, or Peace, or Love, that is in truth not true. For one could not happen without the other. God’s child, in truth, celebrated the opportunity to become separate, so that it could indeed celebrate the opportunity to experience and remember its Oneness. The more that you can fully have that Holy Relationship with the ego, there is truly nothing that you can’t have a Holy Relationship with.
E:
Actually, I’d never heard that phrase before: “Having a Holy Relationship with the ego.” I like that.
HS:
That is what the Holy Spirit is having in every moment. It perceives all of it and yet only has a Holy Relationship with it; only knows the Truth, only extends kindness, love, compassion, forgiveness, peace, understanding.
E:
Wow. That’s a great phrase- Holy Relationship with the ego.
HS:
That is when your journey will become a gentle one and filled only with grace. There will be no guilt; there will be no fear. You will merely just BE in Holy Relationship. And that is truly when the ego will disappear, for you will be in Holy Relationship with everything, and you will see no distinction because there is no distinction in your experience; it is constant.
E:
That’s beautiful. Thank you.
HS:
Do you have more of a question about that?
E:
No.
HS:
Do you have any other examples that you would like to share or bring up?
E:
Yes, there was one more, which I would like to discuss which is connected with the body. An apparent physical manifestation of something or other connected with the throat. Tension or spasm in the throat. It comes and goes but it’s come quite strongly recently, the last 3 or 4 days. I also find a lot of useful ideas in Mary Baker Eddy, so my understanding is that all apparent physical results are connected to an idea, they represent an idea. I have had experience in the past of having a physical symptom and sitting with Science and Health and looking at the ideas in it and having the realisation that the physical symptom has absolutely no power in it to alter the truth of who I am. Therefore knowing in that moment that the symptom didn’t have to disappear to know that it had no power over me. That was a great experience I had a number of times. With this particular apparent physical symptom I seem to get a bit stuck with it. The other day I decided to sit in meditation upon it for a while and went through the experience of the physical sensation of it shifting around a lot but never really releasing. And for some reason it seems to be difficult to let go of this one so I was wondering if there was any guidance you could offer in connection with that.
HS:
Thank you Precious One. It is indeed a wonderful truth you have given yourself; that one’s symptoms, are symbolic of a particular thought within the mind and that they indeed do not impact the truth of who you are. To have that knowledge is true freedom, for what happens to the body, or in the world -in truth- does not impact you in any way: your true self, your true nature. In terms of changing that thought -so to speak- there are many ways that one can go about doing that and of course changing the thought itself still has no ultimate impact upon the truth of who you are though it may impact your worldly experience. One could merely choose to keep that symptom and do nothing about it, and know that they remain as God created them to be because they are not the body, but truly the Light and Life within that is ever present and changeless. Or, one could somehow visualise a certain situation or symptom free outlook and manifest that through their thinking, their thoughts. One could somehow get to the source of that thought, and through forgiveness or extending love or these types of things, choose to alter that thought. And in truth one could go to a doctor and take something as a symbolic intention of changing that thought. There are many ways that one can manifest in the world. Ultimately it is all done within the mind, even if one is thinking that a pill or a doctor is outside of the mind it is not. It is merely symbolic of one’s choice to choose differently. What is important for you is to determine what you want. In either case remember that you are as God created you to be and will remain so regardless of this thought within the mind that produces this specific result. Whether you get rid of this thought or not does not change a thing, it just means that a thought has been changed. That is it. You are not the thought either way. So you can choose to heal this through meditation, through forgiveness, through seeing it for what it is, through a doctor or through time and patience- it may go away on it’s own. There are many, many ways to change this, and what is important to recognise is that no matter what you do in the world it cannot change who you are. So whether you keep it or whether you let it go is inconsequential to fulfilling your purpose, being whole and complete, being the truth of who you are. Because all of these things already exist, they already are true. So your real question is “What do I want?” And to honour what you want, not because one is more spiritual than another, you’re being more evolved depending on what decision you make over another or any of those types of belief systems. They do not serve you. It is just to recognise that you have the freedom to choose what you want, and you can go about that in any way that you want. It is not a reflection of who you are it is just what you are choosing to experience in the moment.
E:
That’s very helpful. It’s one of those subtle things. Having had that experience twice of using the ideas from Mary Baker Eddy and experiencing healing as a result it’s easy to fall into a trap of thinking that’s the right way of doing it. As you say there’s the way of asking “What is it that I want?” To acknowledge that there is an unchangeable aspect that is completely unaffected by either it going away, or staying, or by any decision which is made on the level of how to heal it. And if what I want is to acknowledge that there’s something which is unchanging throughout all of those scenarios and that none of them is better or worse than another then that is a completely different perspective which I was kind of missing before.
HS:
You got it. That was exactly what was said.
E:
So that’s really helpful, as I hadn’t seen that perspective before.
HS:
It gives you the freedom and the acknowledgment that you are what you are, and that what you do in the world cannot change that or alter that in any way. And you have freedom to be and do what you want without any consequence of changing who you are. And that is when you live guiltless and free, being the Child of God that you are.
E:
It’s just funny. It’s so easy to get caught in thinking that the form is the content and it’s not- it really isn’t. I just see where I did that with Mary Baker Eddy, getting caught in thinking that was the answer but that’s not the answer! It’s not the words, it’s not the form, it’s not the book, it’s not the way you go about it, it’s beyond all of that and that’s what I’d kind of forgotten.
HS:
You’re right on track Precious One. You’re doing a really wonderful job of integrating this truth into the world and you can see in this moment that you’re in a place of truth and there are no distinctions. Your original desire for this session was to bring the absolute truth that you know to be true into the world and see that there is no separation and that is what you have achieved in this moment. And when you forget this truth, or not forget, but you move out of your right mind and you have that ebb, it is to Love yourself back into it. Not by dealing with the ebb with the ego, through judgements, and shoulds, and have to’s and “something’s wrong” and “now I’m guilty.” Even if you have all of those thoughts how can you extend Love and compassion and Forgiveness and Peace and Grace to those thoughts of the ego- to yourself, and lovingly move back into this place of knowingness, this place of Truth? You do not need to be afraid of losing this state of mind. You do not need to be afraid of falling out of it. For if you can lovingly restore yourself there by extending Love and Forgiveness and Compassion to yourself and all of the thoughts that may arise what is the hurt in having them arise in the first place? They do not impact you. They do not take away the truth of who you are. They are merely the opportunity in that moment to choose once again. To be the presence of Love once again- toward yourself and toward the thoughts. Then you will naturally find yourself back in this place that you are in this moment. A place of oneness, and certainty, and knowingness, and freedom. It can be a very simple and direct back and forth between the two that need not be difficult and filled with very little guilt and fear. You are doing a tremendous job of integrating this truth you would not be here in this moment joined with us in your right mind and experiencing the world from this perspective if you were not ready for it, if you had not done and made this journey thousands of times beforehand. This was merely a simple reminder of how easy it can be. It will certainly become easier and easier as you practice this way of restoring yourself to that which is true within you.
Do you have any more questions you would like to ask?
E:
No. I’m just very happy.
HS:
Life is indeed very simple when one is in their right mind. There are very few questions; there is clarity, simplicity, ease. As you begin to relate to the world, to yourself, to the thoughts within the mind, to the ego and to everything with this perspective and you practice being in Holy Relationship with everyone and everything including the thoughts and emotions that arise within you, you are not only fully enjoying the journey but you are at the destination at the same time. You are being in Holy Relationship with all of it. In that way there is nowhere to go, nothing to accomplish because you have already arrived. You are truly being the Holy Spirit in that moment. Being the presence of Love in the world. You are truly already there and we are grateful to be with you on this journey.
E:
I’m grateful too, thank you very much.
HS:
Thank you for being with us today, we Love you dearly and we are with you every step of the way.
Blessings to you Precious One.
Amen
E:
Amen.
Greetings and blessings to you Precious One. Indeed it is a joyous occasion to gather together with you in this way. Thank you so much for your courage, your desire, and your commitment to being the presence of Truth in the world. To not just understand the truth but truly have that awareness within the world, within what one perceives, and to be able to transcend the world’s perception and indeed enter that place of knowingness where there is no duality, only the knowingness of pure oneness, Love and Union with your Father.
You have done a wonderful job to wrap your mind around the Truth, to integrate that awareness into your mind, into your beliefs and into your perception. It is often the challenge for most to apply these truths to situations that are perceived with the ego. The ego is very good at proving its point, at convincing one that that perception is accurate, and it can be difficult in the beginning to see the misperception and to truly let that go and to bring truth to what appears to happen in the world. And yet once you lock that ability in it becomes easier and easier and easier to shift into that state of mind. And we can certainly work with you today to do just that.
What this one suggested is a good idea and will be helpful, and there will be other things that unfold during our time together in this way, and yet for now please feel free to share with this one, and yourself, a situation that you are experiencing, the understanding of truth that you have, and how those seem contradictory to you in this particular situation. Does that sound ok with you?
E:
Yes. So, I can immediately think of a specific situation, which I seem to be experiencing at the moment.
The child of God is what I want to see in every person who I interact with and in the past it’s been easier for me to say, in that respect, what I don’t want is a relationship with a person that’s a special relationship. That kind of sexual special relationship type of interaction that exists in the world. And it’s been easier for me to say that’s what I don’t want and therefore, in a sense, to avoid any possibility of getting caught up in that scenario. That’s quite easy for me to do that but I guess I’ve come to realise that that’s not the best way of bringing truth into the world- to say that’s what I don’t want and by avoiding that I’ll make sure that that doesn’t happen! So I feel that I’ve now opened the door to another way of looking at that apparent situation in the world.
So specifically what’s happened is that a person has appeared in my life who I’ve allowed that type of interaction to occur with. I’ve allowed the possibility of that. Having had, in the world’s eyes, that kind of connection with that person I then find myself confused about exactly what it is I’ve allowed to happen. It seems like the two things are mutually exclusive, being able to see that person as the Child of God (and in that sense the same as myself, and we’re equal in that respect) and yet having this physical situation, which the world defines in a completely different way. And then getting caught up in feelings that are associated with my identity as a person in the world. Feeling that that’s not what I want, but knowing I’m starting to relate to that person as somebody who can do things that will make me happy. Feeling that how they respond to me in the physical sense is important and that will be telling me about who I am, and how I am, and whether I am ok. And not wanting it to be like that but also not wanting to just push the whole thing away and say “Well in that I case I just close the door on that.” That’s my best description of the situation as I see it, I think- a specific situation.
HS:
Thank you very much for sharing that and it is indeed common when one is trying so hard to let go of the ego and the special relationship that the ego has with the world, while trying to integrate truth at the same time. What is often the case for many is that they perceive the action, or the result, or the manifestation of form as indicative of the ego, as coming from the ego. For example, when one talks about special relationships what one is describing is relating to the world through the ego. Where one is attached, controlled, manipulative, wanting, needing, dependent upon whatever the thing is. So if one is relating to a relationship through the ego’s eyes one must have that relationship to have peace. One must have the relationship be how they want, to have peace. One finds happiness in the form of just ‘A relationship’ and one is fearful of losing that relationship, and these types of things. That is how one would define a special relationship, when one is perceiving relationship in that way. Hoarding them, controlling them, afraid of losing them and seeking satisfaction and joy and completion in them. And yet that does not exclude having a relationship in your right mind. If one were to be in a relationship within their right mind a relationship would be a place of celebration, opportunity, sharing, joining, playing, partnership, mutual support, friendship and these types of things where one can be in the relationship and yet not see it as their source of joy, their source of completion, what gives them their connection etc but as an outcome of the joy, the connection, the peace, the completion that one already has within their heart and mind.
Sex itself…
One cannot look at a physical situation and know if it is coming from the ego or coming from one’s right mind or coming from a place of holiness, because the physical world has nothing to do with determining that. One could be in a relationship and be in the ego, and one could be in a relationship and be in their right mind. One can spontaneously make love with another from a place of joy, celebration, union, friendship, intimacy etc and it is not the act that determines what one is doing but the state of mind that is the cause. If one is in their ego and believes and experiences that that is going to give them fulfilment and joy and completion and security and the love that they seek, well then they will experience all of the wants and needs and fears of lovemaking. And there will be no ultimate peace, joy or union in that experience. And yet, one could be with the same partner in the same evening and be in their right mind, and perform the same exact actions, yet with an entirely different frame of mind. So it is not the action, what one does, that determines whether they’re having a special relationship or a holy relationship it is the state of mind that one has within the relationship.
Does that make sense to you?
E:
Yes. That does make sense.
HS:
So, one is used to looking at form and judging it. The ego is used to seeing form and manipulating it. Manipulating it to meet its needs. To meet what it wants, what it fears etc. And yet when one is in their right mind all relationship has the same potential. The potential for joining, for union, for celebration, for connection. So one could be in a love relationship, a committed partner, and make love on a regular basis, have goals with this one on a regular basis, co-create with this one in everything that one would seek in a lifetime and yet only be in one’s right mind, only be speaking truth, sharing truth, having tenderness, intimacy, union, connection, celebration, friendship and wonderful lovemaking. And yet it is all a result of what comes naturally and spontaneously from a place of wholeness and completion and joy. That is certainly possible, and yet in the process how one comes to that is to continually restore themselves to their right mind while being in the relationship. So if you are fearful: to find healing and forgiveness. If you are feeling attached: to let go and surrender. If you are feeling disconnected or uncertain: to go within and connect, and seek guidance and inspiration. And you can continually restore yourself to your right mind throughout the challenges, throughout the fears, throughout the attachment throughout the worry, the confusion, the doubt etc. And keep moving into a place deeper and deeper and deeper of living in your right mind within the relationship. It is not that you must first completely be in your right mind and only create from that place for that is not very realistic. But what would be good is to be aware of when you are attached, when you are in fear, when you are trying to fulfil yourself from without and these types of things. And in those moments seek healing, seek correction of the mind, seek forgiveness of yourself and compassion for yourself for having those thoughts. Be gentle with yourself, kind with yourself, forgiving of yourself and then restore yourself to your right mind. And when you do, to then say, “How can we express love in this moment? How can I share love in this moment? How can I join with my partner in this moment, in this place of completion and joy?” And then you move one step into doing that and then another, then another and it is a process that unfolds. You will learn to relate to this one in a Holy Relationship over time, with practice and commitment. And you will slowly let go of old patterns and habits of being in a special relationship. And the important part is to be gentle with yourself in the process. Forgiving of yourself, compassionate of yourself, and it will be much easier indeed than either beating yourself up or turning the relationship off or shunning it in the meantime.
What does that sound like to you?
E:
Thank you.
What that makes me realise is that where I feel like I am is actually…it feels like there’s two people-there’s me and there’s him-and it feels like I know where I’m coming from but it feels like I don’t know where he’s coming from. Part of me is also saying “but you know that you’re connected, it’s not as though you are really separate.” Ultimately there is no separation, but the way I perceive it is that we do appear to be two separate people. I know that I have this dedication to aligning with the truth and it seems like I don’t know where he’s at. I seem to have judgments about how he appears to be in the world and also the fact that I don’t know if we’re really having a relationship or if it’s possible to have a relationship. Just that something happened. Specifically in this situation I feel like I have to do something, I have to ask him where he’s at. But then another part of me says well he should ask me where I’m at. On a question of action, what I actually do in my interaction with him leaves me feeling a bit confused. I don’t know if that makes any sense.
HS:
Yes. What you are wanting, ultimately for yourself, is to be in a Holy Relationship. In part, you would like to be in a Holy Relationship with someone who wants to be in one with you. You know that that is ultimately what you seek. You have the desire to be with someone who wants that as well. The challenge comes in when one does not appear to be seeking that or pursing that.
E:
I don’t know why I am afraid of that. I mean I don’t know why I am afraid of showing that. Being open about that being what I want, what I desire so that other people can see that.
HS:
You are afraid of committing to that verbally even within yourself, as well as with another, for fear that you may fail. It is the same; you fear that another will fail. You do not know if you can trust them. Even if they say that is what they want you will still doubt their ability to commit to that because you doubt your own ability to commit to it. It is only because you judge, each time you seem to fail. You think that when you catch yourself in being with the ego or thinking with the ego or acting out of it that you have failed or made a mistake. And yet the more you can compassionately accept that that is ok in that moment, that you can be loving and kind and forgiving to yourself, the more that you can give yourself that compassion and acceptance, the more you can extend that compassion and acceptance to another. The more that you can see that you are doing the best job that you can do, the more you will be able to extend that to another. And in this way there does not need to be perfection on your part, nor on another’s. It is an evolution, a process. And one that unfolds over time for both parties. A part of being in a lifetime relationship with one is coming to see that where they are is perfect. That whatever they are going through is perfect. That they don’t have to choose peace, and joy, and Holy Relationship in every moment, that the process of getting there is by going from one side of the clock to the other. It’s a back and forth. Recognising the ego and choosing differently. Experiencing the ego, becoming aware of it and choosing differently. And that does not need to happen in every second like a clock. It could happen every minute, every hour, every 24 hours etc. To where there is a consistent deepening and choosing and learning and growth. And the more that you can give that to yourself the more you can allow your partner that same graceful accepting evolution. And that is much more realistic than to think that one should commit so fervently that they must choose only to be in that place each and every day. And to have such expectations sets yourself up for failure in your own mind, and sets the other one up for failure in your own mind. And it will never be good enough, you will always be judging yourself. And the truth is that judgment can only come from the ego. The Holy Spirit does not judge you for experiencing the ego, for choosing the ego. It just lovingly joins you where you are and helps you to choose differently.
In many ways it is as if one is digging through the dirt and pulls out a diamond. The diamond is dirty, has ore around it, it needs to be polished. That is similar to the ego. One must uncover the ego, experience it, allow it to be there, be a witness to it and then polish it with one’s love, with one’s forgiveness with one’s kindness and grace. Then it becomes the diamond in the rough, it becomes your salvation, it becomes your freedom, your joy. In that way you are restored to your right mind but it does not come from judging the ore and the ugliness and the dirtiness of that rock. It comes from lovingly polishing it, being with it and extending only love to it, whether that be forgiveness or compassion or acceptance. In that way one is gracefully picking up the pieces of ore that either fall into one’s lap, or get dug up within one’s heart and mind and slowly polishing them and transforming them into the beautiful diamond that is at their source. So the more that you can accept this process and this path, the more that you can allow your partner to be where they’re at; tick tocking back and forth at their own pace, picking up ore at their own pace, polishing it at their own pace, and restoring themselves to their right mind at their own pace, just as the Holy Spirit does for you. Therefore you do not need to have certain expectations of another for you have let those expectations go of yourself and know that you are indeed doing the best you can in this moment.
How does that sound to you?
E:
That sounds that it makes a lot of sense. That would make a lot of difference if I can look at things in that way-to be engaged in the process. That speaks to where I am at, definitely.
HS:
When you go into fear about another’s behaviour, about another’s intentions, about what one may say or do, you can recognise that that fear is your opportunity for healing. It is not that you must work harder to get that person to commit, to choose, to convince you of their sincerity or their intentions, it is that in that moment you have just picked up a piece of ore, a raw diamond, and that is your opportunity to heal it. It is not to say that you can’t share that with another. You could say, “Look, I just recognised that I am afraid. I feel afraid that you don’t love me as I love you, or that you aren’t as committed as I am. It’s not that you need prove that to me, I am only acknowledging my own fears.” It is not that you would want to do this every day for that would be unpleasant for both of you. And yet there is nothing wrong with sharing your fears and your intentions. “My goal is to let go of this fear, to trust in both myself and in you and to have faith that all things will be perfect as they already are.” It is just an opportunity for your own healing. You may decide to communicate that and you may not. It does not matter; it is only the recognition of what it is. That it truly has nothing to do with the other.
E;
That really speaks strongly to me. Seeing the possibility of reacting that way, and seeing it in that light just makes me aware of the fact that on another level I am afraid that I don’t even have the right to have a conversation with him about how I’m feeling because that’s too intense or something. Because on the level of the world, there’s no clear sense of what kind of relationship even exists between us. There is a sense of fear around even addressing that. Although the idea of being able to say to him “I’m aware that I’m afraid you don’t feel the same way I do, but I know that that’s coming from me” is something I can see that I could get a lot from.
HS:
Yes, and there’s that fear of expressing these things to get him to do something. And yet if you only shared them from your own heart as if you were just saying “I want to feel closer to you and how I would like to do that is to share how I am feeling and what I am thinking and these types of things, but I am afraid that by opening myself up that I may push you away, or that it may complicate things.” And it is not that you are asking him to do anything, it is that you just want to share your heart, your emotions with him, because you are opening up to doing so and it feels inspiring and connecting. And that you are uncertain or nervous of doing so but you feel as if you are being called to do so (or whatever it may be) but when you communicate from just what’s going on with you there’s no expectation of him. Someone may tell someone how they’re feeling so that the other person can fix it or come back and reassure them that they do love them, they do want to be with them, and the intentions are still coming from the ego. But when one truly just shares from their heart about what they are feeling and their own fears or concerns, and hopes and dreams with no expectation for the other that is when true healing happens for both of you. You are not asking him to be in a special relationship, or a co-dependent relationship in that moment, you are just being vulnerable and sharing and that is it. That intention can be shared in such a way that he is clear you are not asking anything of him in that moment. And if he is clear about that, it opens him up to just being a listener as opposed to a healer or a fixer.
E:
Yes. That’s a completely different way of looking at it and it seems strange that I couldn’t see that before. That makes a huge amount of sense.
HS:
This one who shares these words with you spends time doing something similar with his wife. One night a week they just share how they’re feeling and what’s going on with them in general, and the other one just listens and that’s it. And when they’re finished they acknowledge that they heard that person, and then they move on with their evening. There’s no solving of the emotions or whatnot because it is truly not about the other person it is just an opportunity to share what one is feeling and thinking. And yet, when one has that intention on both sides; to just share and not fix, both sides are off the hook to solve, and what ends up happening is that the emotions just fall away anyway. Just like the ego, when one acknowledges the ego without judging it, without fixing it, without making it go away etc. it’s just allowed to be-and it that moment one is in a Holy Relationship with that thought, with that emotion. By the mere fact of being in a Holy Relationship with it, it just dissolves and returns to what it truly is-which is Love. It is a different way of sharing one’s feelings and yet you can certainly set the stage with your partner to just allow you to share what is happening with you, with no expectation of them.
E:
Thank you very much. That really helps.
HS:
It was originally thought that you would share a situation, share your understanding of truth and that we would bridge the gap. Does that seem to have happened for you in this particular situation?
E:
Yes it does. The gap was crossed when you pointed out that I’m not asking anything at that point: when I’m sharing how I’m feeling and simply stating an intention to express my feeling. Knowing that when I’m doing that I’m not doing it in order for anything to be fixed or expecting something back. I now know that is possible and I can see that in my minds eye, and therefore it’s possible for me to interact with that person in such a way as I’m not asking for something, and I’m not afraid that there’s something I’m not going to get that I need, or afraid that I’m going to become dependent upon that person. It does always come down to fear or love, clearly, and that’s where the fear is, I think, judging myself harshly and saying “I’m obviously going to fall down on the side of the ego, I’m going to want something from that person that they can’t give and I’m going to feel bad because of that.” And being able to see a situation where that doesn’t have to happen, in a specific way, frees me up from that fear- knowing that that isn’t true.
HS:
Yes. Wonderful. Do you have more of a question about any of that?
E:
About that specific situation, no I don’t think so because it really feels like that shifted the emphasis for me.
HS:
Do you have another example that you would like to discuss?
E:
Yes there is another example I’d like to share with you; maybe it’s related to what you were just talking about. Several times I’ve done lessons from ACIM and each time I do it I seem to have a block around the review sections. I don’t understand why that is: that there seems to be a huge amount of resistance about doing the review sections. I’m not sure if there’s anything you could share with me that would make it any clearer as to why that happens and if there’s a way to work through that resistance.
HS:
Thank you for your question. In this particular case you are wanting truth so badly that there is a momentum within you to just keep moving forward, to just keep taking it in, moving deeper, moving further, moving to the next step as if the next step will always be that key piece, that next evolutionary step. In some ways there is the thought within you that by reviewing and slowing down you are not moving forward, you are just going over what you, technically, have already done. It’s as if you’ve checked those items off your to do list and you’ve forgotten about them and it’s time to just keep moving forward. When, in fact, there is no end to it. Even if you are making a choice today you will still be making a choice tomorrow and every day for the rest of your life: to be in your right mind, to be the presence of Love, to be forgiving. It will be a continual process, and in that way whether you are on step 29 or 356, or your fifth time through the workbook the choice is always the same, the outcome is always the same. It is just a shift into your right mind. And the more you make it, regardless of which lesson you’re on, how many times you’ve done the course, or where you’re at in your life, it is the same; it is equal. There is no destination; there is only the journey. That is why one wrote the book The Journey Without End. It is truly the path and the process that is the ultimate destination. So for you to, once again, allow yourself to have that ebb and flow. To know that momentum forward and progression forward does not have to look a certain way. It is just being present in this moment, and embracing what is before you; that is both the journey and the destination. When you see that both the journey and the destination are the same you can allow yourself to review, knowing that you are not going back, you are not stagnating, you are not wasting time but you are truly moving forward-as if you were moving forward with any other choice, any other day.
Does that make any sense to you?
E:
Yes it does. Again, it underlines being gentle, and not judging, ebb and flow, tides coming and going, accepting the whole process.
HS:
Yes, and knowing that the ebb and the flow are both a part of the journey, and are both a part of the destination. It’s not that if you have more ebb or more flow you win. One cannot exist without the other and in truth they both co-exist together. You cannot have the diamond unless you find the piece of ore. It is why the ego was invented in the first place. For the One to awaken to its Oneness, to the experience of its Oneness, it was necessary to forget. In that way the forgetting becomes the means by which one remembers. It is just as holy an endeavour as the remembering, for if one does not wholly forget one cannot wholly remember.
Does that make sense to you?
E:
Yes.
HS:
So although you think that finding the ego, experiencing the ego, acknowledging the ego is somehow less than choosing Right Mindedness, or Peace, or Love, that is in truth not true. For one could not happen without the other. God’s child, in truth, celebrated the opportunity to become separate, so that it could indeed celebrate the opportunity to experience and remember its Oneness. The more that you can fully have that Holy Relationship with the ego, there is truly nothing that you can’t have a Holy Relationship with.
E:
Actually, I’d never heard that phrase before: “Having a Holy Relationship with the ego.” I like that.
HS:
That is what the Holy Spirit is having in every moment. It perceives all of it and yet only has a Holy Relationship with it; only knows the Truth, only extends kindness, love, compassion, forgiveness, peace, understanding.
E:
Wow. That’s a great phrase- Holy Relationship with the ego.
HS:
That is when your journey will become a gentle one and filled only with grace. There will be no guilt; there will be no fear. You will merely just BE in Holy Relationship. And that is truly when the ego will disappear, for you will be in Holy Relationship with everything, and you will see no distinction because there is no distinction in your experience; it is constant.
E:
That’s beautiful. Thank you.
HS:
Do you have more of a question about that?
E:
No.
HS:
Do you have any other examples that you would like to share or bring up?
E:
Yes, there was one more, which I would like to discuss which is connected with the body. An apparent physical manifestation of something or other connected with the throat. Tension or spasm in the throat. It comes and goes but it’s come quite strongly recently, the last 3 or 4 days. I also find a lot of useful ideas in Mary Baker Eddy, so my understanding is that all apparent physical results are connected to an idea, they represent an idea. I have had experience in the past of having a physical symptom and sitting with Science and Health and looking at the ideas in it and having the realisation that the physical symptom has absolutely no power in it to alter the truth of who I am. Therefore knowing in that moment that the symptom didn’t have to disappear to know that it had no power over me. That was a great experience I had a number of times. With this particular apparent physical symptom I seem to get a bit stuck with it. The other day I decided to sit in meditation upon it for a while and went through the experience of the physical sensation of it shifting around a lot but never really releasing. And for some reason it seems to be difficult to let go of this one so I was wondering if there was any guidance you could offer in connection with that.
HS:
Thank you Precious One. It is indeed a wonderful truth you have given yourself; that one’s symptoms, are symbolic of a particular thought within the mind and that they indeed do not impact the truth of who you are. To have that knowledge is true freedom, for what happens to the body, or in the world -in truth- does not impact you in any way: your true self, your true nature. In terms of changing that thought -so to speak- there are many ways that one can go about doing that and of course changing the thought itself still has no ultimate impact upon the truth of who you are though it may impact your worldly experience. One could merely choose to keep that symptom and do nothing about it, and know that they remain as God created them to be because they are not the body, but truly the Light and Life within that is ever present and changeless. Or, one could somehow visualise a certain situation or symptom free outlook and manifest that through their thinking, their thoughts. One could somehow get to the source of that thought, and through forgiveness or extending love or these types of things, choose to alter that thought. And in truth one could go to a doctor and take something as a symbolic intention of changing that thought. There are many ways that one can manifest in the world. Ultimately it is all done within the mind, even if one is thinking that a pill or a doctor is outside of the mind it is not. It is merely symbolic of one’s choice to choose differently. What is important for you is to determine what you want. In either case remember that you are as God created you to be and will remain so regardless of this thought within the mind that produces this specific result. Whether you get rid of this thought or not does not change a thing, it just means that a thought has been changed. That is it. You are not the thought either way. So you can choose to heal this through meditation, through forgiveness, through seeing it for what it is, through a doctor or through time and patience- it may go away on it’s own. There are many, many ways to change this, and what is important to recognise is that no matter what you do in the world it cannot change who you are. So whether you keep it or whether you let it go is inconsequential to fulfilling your purpose, being whole and complete, being the truth of who you are. Because all of these things already exist, they already are true. So your real question is “What do I want?” And to honour what you want, not because one is more spiritual than another, you’re being more evolved depending on what decision you make over another or any of those types of belief systems. They do not serve you. It is just to recognise that you have the freedom to choose what you want, and you can go about that in any way that you want. It is not a reflection of who you are it is just what you are choosing to experience in the moment.
E:
That’s very helpful. It’s one of those subtle things. Having had that experience twice of using the ideas from Mary Baker Eddy and experiencing healing as a result it’s easy to fall into a trap of thinking that’s the right way of doing it. As you say there’s the way of asking “What is it that I want?” To acknowledge that there is an unchangeable aspect that is completely unaffected by either it going away, or staying, or by any decision which is made on the level of how to heal it. And if what I want is to acknowledge that there’s something which is unchanging throughout all of those scenarios and that none of them is better or worse than another then that is a completely different perspective which I was kind of missing before.
HS:
You got it. That was exactly what was said.
E:
So that’s really helpful, as I hadn’t seen that perspective before.
HS:
It gives you the freedom and the acknowledgment that you are what you are, and that what you do in the world cannot change that or alter that in any way. And you have freedom to be and do what you want without any consequence of changing who you are. And that is when you live guiltless and free, being the Child of God that you are.
E:
It’s just funny. It’s so easy to get caught in thinking that the form is the content and it’s not- it really isn’t. I just see where I did that with Mary Baker Eddy, getting caught in thinking that was the answer but that’s not the answer! It’s not the words, it’s not the form, it’s not the book, it’s not the way you go about it, it’s beyond all of that and that’s what I’d kind of forgotten.
HS:
You’re right on track Precious One. You’re doing a really wonderful job of integrating this truth into the world and you can see in this moment that you’re in a place of truth and there are no distinctions. Your original desire for this session was to bring the absolute truth that you know to be true into the world and see that there is no separation and that is what you have achieved in this moment. And when you forget this truth, or not forget, but you move out of your right mind and you have that ebb, it is to Love yourself back into it. Not by dealing with the ebb with the ego, through judgements, and shoulds, and have to’s and “something’s wrong” and “now I’m guilty.” Even if you have all of those thoughts how can you extend Love and compassion and Forgiveness and Peace and Grace to those thoughts of the ego- to yourself, and lovingly move back into this place of knowingness, this place of Truth? You do not need to be afraid of losing this state of mind. You do not need to be afraid of falling out of it. For if you can lovingly restore yourself there by extending Love and Forgiveness and Compassion to yourself and all of the thoughts that may arise what is the hurt in having them arise in the first place? They do not impact you. They do not take away the truth of who you are. They are merely the opportunity in that moment to choose once again. To be the presence of Love once again- toward yourself and toward the thoughts. Then you will naturally find yourself back in this place that you are in this moment. A place of oneness, and certainty, and knowingness, and freedom. It can be a very simple and direct back and forth between the two that need not be difficult and filled with very little guilt and fear. You are doing a tremendous job of integrating this truth you would not be here in this moment joined with us in your right mind and experiencing the world from this perspective if you were not ready for it, if you had not done and made this journey thousands of times beforehand. This was merely a simple reminder of how easy it can be. It will certainly become easier and easier as you practice this way of restoring yourself to that which is true within you.
Do you have any more questions you would like to ask?
E:
No. I’m just very happy.
HS:
Life is indeed very simple when one is in their right mind. There are very few questions; there is clarity, simplicity, ease. As you begin to relate to the world, to yourself, to the thoughts within the mind, to the ego and to everything with this perspective and you practice being in Holy Relationship with everyone and everything including the thoughts and emotions that arise within you, you are not only fully enjoying the journey but you are at the destination at the same time. You are being in Holy Relationship with all of it. In that way there is nowhere to go, nothing to accomplish because you have already arrived. You are truly being the Holy Spirit in that moment. Being the presence of Love in the world. You are truly already there and we are grateful to be with you on this journey.
E:
I’m grateful too, thank you very much.
HS:
Thank you for being with us today, we Love you dearly and we are with you every step of the way.
Blessings to you Precious One.
Amen
E:
Amen.
4 May 2007
Compassion
A lack of access to the internet has meant a rather long absence of posts!
I would like to share something which I wrote at work a couple of days ago. It followed a phone session which I had with DavidPaul Doyle (see the link to the Voice For Love website.) This session was extremely helpful to me and I found that the ideas shared in this conversation had immediate practical application. The words below were emphasising one of the main ideas- that a right minded response to perceiving the ego brings only Love and Compassion to bear upon such thoughts and misperceptions. I "knew" this on an intellectual level, of course, but by talking about specific situations I began to realise the extent to which there is a habitual way of responding to ideas which are labelled as "ego" with judgment. Compassion became a real and practical alternative to simply attempting to avoid any situation which is likely to be perceived through the lens of the ego.
Another thing to mention is that I typed the message below with my eyes closed (yes, I touch type) and opened them to find one complete sentence in capitals. This fairly blew me away as I would have sworn there was NO possibility of such a thing having happened- and yet there were the words on the screen infront of me. It was a marvellous moment of feeling the Holy Spirit reaching out and tapping me on the shoulder, so to speak!
2.5.07
Commitment
I am committed to bringing the Truth which I know to be true into practice on a daily basis.
I am committed to asking the Holy Spirit for guidance on how best to bring Truth into practice. I acknowledge that I do not always perceive my own best interests but that I would rather be happy than be right in any mistaken perception that I hold.
I UNDERSTAND THAT THE FIRST STEP IS TO FEEL COMPASSION TOWARD MY SELF. Where I am is perfect and the only response to any lack of love is to extend Love. If I am perceiving the ego then the correct response is to extend Love. If I have willingness to do so I can ask for help from the Holy Spirit.
Thank you, Holy Spirit, for being with me now and forever more. Today I would hear Your voice and look upon the ego with compassion, understanding that denial or suppression is not necessary or helpful. I need only watch and know that You are with me.
Amen.
I would like to share something which I wrote at work a couple of days ago. It followed a phone session which I had with DavidPaul Doyle (see the link to the Voice For Love website.) This session was extremely helpful to me and I found that the ideas shared in this conversation had immediate practical application. The words below were emphasising one of the main ideas- that a right minded response to perceiving the ego brings only Love and Compassion to bear upon such thoughts and misperceptions. I "knew" this on an intellectual level, of course, but by talking about specific situations I began to realise the extent to which there is a habitual way of responding to ideas which are labelled as "ego" with judgment. Compassion became a real and practical alternative to simply attempting to avoid any situation which is likely to be perceived through the lens of the ego.
Another thing to mention is that I typed the message below with my eyes closed (yes, I touch type) and opened them to find one complete sentence in capitals. This fairly blew me away as I would have sworn there was NO possibility of such a thing having happened- and yet there were the words on the screen infront of me. It was a marvellous moment of feeling the Holy Spirit reaching out and tapping me on the shoulder, so to speak!
2.5.07
Commitment
I am committed to bringing the Truth which I know to be true into practice on a daily basis.
I am committed to asking the Holy Spirit for guidance on how best to bring Truth into practice. I acknowledge that I do not always perceive my own best interests but that I would rather be happy than be right in any mistaken perception that I hold.
I UNDERSTAND THAT THE FIRST STEP IS TO FEEL COMPASSION TOWARD MY SELF. Where I am is perfect and the only response to any lack of love is to extend Love. If I am perceiving the ego then the correct response is to extend Love. If I have willingness to do so I can ask for help from the Holy Spirit.
Thank you, Holy Spirit, for being with me now and forever more. Today I would hear Your voice and look upon the ego with compassion, understanding that denial or suppression is not necessary or helpful. I need only watch and know that You are with me.
Amen.
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