I am so grateful for the opportunity to practise remembrance. Truly I feel as though the Heavenly Hosts are with me and alongside me as I encounter these opportunities to practise.
The Story…
Today I found out that I had ‘forgotten’ to take back some videos that my friend had rented before leaving town. I remembered saying that I would take them back, but it was not until today when she returned (13 days later) that she reminded me and so I was aware once again that they needed to be returned. So, I had forgotten. It was only at this point that I found out that the rental place she uses charges full price per day so there would be a large amount of money owing. I was not aware of this fact before.
There was an immediate experience of anger and I picked up the videos and left the house straight away to return them. As I was walking down the street I saw an advert on the bus stop with the words “You remembered…” This made me laugh, although in a sarcastic fashion at this point, as the thought came to mind “If only I had remembered.” As I got to the shop I felt ‘resigned’ to the situation and handed the videos over saying “I said I’d bring these back for a friend but I forgot and so can you tell me how much is owing.” He said the bill was £78 but offered to make it £30. I thanked him very much and handed over my card. After paying he handed me back the card and said that everything was clear now. As I walked out of the shop I realised that I didn’t really feel much better even though he had cut the bill by more than 50%. This surprised me and I decided to sit down and observe the thoughts that were going through my mind.
I wrote down:
If I’d known how ‘serious’ it was I would have known to return them sooner.
If I’d had awareness of the consequences I would have acted differently.
I then wondered what was ‘serious’ about the situation…
That what had previously been considered a fairly insignificant action was now perceived as having a different value. I didn’t blame my friend for not having told me at the time how much it would cost per day if I didn’t return them. She simply assumed that I would. A logical assumption it seemed. However it did seem that I had made an ‘expensive’ mistake which I would not have chosen if I had known the outcome. On the one hand it felt unfair as I didn’t know the outcome, and yet there was no-one to blame.
Aha, here I saw an opportunity for a re-frame: If the outcome is to give me the opportunity to look at thoughts in the mind in an uncensored and immediate way then it is something that I would have chosen. Here at last I could see that I was not a victim of an outside circumstance. Up until that point it had seemed so obvious that no-one in their right mind (!*!) would forget to take back a video and run up a bill of £78, that it took a moment to let go of the story and to see the content in the mind.
I am not alone. I am not an individual person with individual responsibilities. I am not the creator of mySelf. I am part of the Sonship, part of One Mind. The seeming actions of Esther the body do not affect my identity in Christ. There is no separate mind of Esther that is responsible for the actions of this body alone. We are One. I received no prompts to return the videos, the very thought of them was absent from my mind after my friend left town. Interestingly, after returning home and speaking to my friend we discovered that she had had more than one prompt to ring me and remind me to take back the videos but she had not acted upon them thinking instead that “Esther had said she would return them so she will.”
Instead of saying “No-one in their right mind would forget to take back a video and run up a bill of £78” I could say “No-one in their right mind would let go of an opportunity to receive the Gifts offered by the Holy Spirit. No-one in their right mind would say no to the chance to loosen the root of fear in awareness.” When these thoughts came to mind there was no question of which purpose I would rather accept. Once I was able to see the real choice that I was making it was easy to follow the heart.
I understand that I can only shine the light by looking upon the darkness. I see that this experience in form was a 'real time' opportunity to allow the darkness to surface and yet to remain clear in my purpose. I am willing to allow mistaken thoughts to reach the surface. I am grateful for this opportunity to see thoughts arising from the belief in separation and to choose again. I am grateful for such an immediate and direct lesson, full of feeling and emotion.
When responding to the form of the story there was a thought “I have needlessly (through forgetfulness) given away something of value (£78) by not recognising where the value lay" (in remembering to return the videos.) But this is only true if I have been mistaken about that which holds value. I am free to choose where I place value.
I know what I value, and that is surrender to the Holy Spirit. I value the purpose of awakening and accepting the reality of One Mind. It matters not that thoughts arise in the mind which seem to ‘prove’ that the atonement has not yet been accepted (such as the thoughts of unfairness and anger I experienced.) There is no need to judge the thoughts that speak for separation. The house that is built upon the rock cannot fall.
In Gratitude
Esther
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