I recently received two invitations, one to take part in a music performance in Tehran and one being offered a free ticket to go to a music festival. I had been reading posts made on the yahoo study group for NTI that dealt with this very question and reading them was very helpful in looking at the whole decision making process.
With the first decision I felt guided not to take part in this performance. What then came to light was the fact that almost no one around me could understand my reason for not accepting the invitation. It seemed obvious to everyone else that it was a fantastic opportunity and that I might 'lose out' on future possibilities by 'turning down' this one. Well, I did get confused a couple of times by listening to the 'arguments' presented to me, including the one that 'sometimes you learn more by going ahead with something just to see what happens.' However, when I stopped to consider the options I knew I did not want to place my faith in the idea that it is possible to 'miss out' on something. I choose to believe that I am given everything that I need and I don't need to act from fear that I will lose out. The bottom line was that I didn't want any action I took to be from a place of fear. I knew that if I felt guided to go then I would be equally happy to carry out that action.
The second invitation I found more confusing because I didn't feel any guidance. I asked and asked what would be the best thing to do and didn't feel any sense that one would be better than another. This is just about the point where I realised that I was insisting that one option MUST be preferable to another!! Another lesson in mind watching. I then wrote that-
The one thing more important to me than any action taken by the body is to hear Your Voice, to know that I am Your Servant. It matters not where I go or what I do. My only desire is that I serve One Mind, that I am open to receive That of which fear cannot conceive.
At that point I was clear that it made no difference whatsoever whether I accepted the offer of the ticket or not. What mattered was that having made this decision I gave the resulting time over to the Holy Spirit to use that time to teach me what I need to learn. I got the understanding that Holy Spirit could teach me equally well whether the body went to the festival or did not go. I could put my faith in my teacher.
On the level of the thinking mind there appears to be the possibility of contradiction in my experience. The thinking mind would ask "How can it be true that guidance is real and also be true that it matters not what you do?" Well, it seems from my experience that the most important thing is Self Honesty; to look honestly, openly and without judgement at the thoughts arising in the mind in each and every situation. It is true that it matters not what I do, in the sense that the end is sure, we have already accepted the atonement. On the other hand, whilst there are still thoughts in the mind showing up in experience to 'prove' that separation is real, guidance can be very helpful.
4 August 2007
Desire and surrender
It recently became clear to me that I had a desire for a change in form, in my 'work' situation. This was something that I would once have regarded as the first stage to making a decision. There would have been such thoughts as: I want a change in my job, now I need to decide the best way to go about that. What kind of job should I look for? Shall I stay in the same city? Is the money I earn an issue? etc. Once upon a time I would have failed to see the common thread prompting all of those questions- “What will make me happy?” This time when I saw a desire for an outward change I gave it wholeheartedly to the Holy Spirit. I stated that there was a desire for a change in form in my work situation but that I put no expectation whatsoever on how that change might manifest. I asked ONLY that this change might bring the opportunity to accept the atonement for myself. I knew that only THIS would make me happy! I asked in full confidence that Holy Spirit cannot fail to bring me the opportunity for greater alignment with the Mind of God. I realised that I didn't care about any of the questions that would usually have arisen. I don't care what kind of job it is as long as it helps me to accept the atonement. I don't care if I stay in the same place or not as long as it helps me to accept the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
As I did this there was no doubt in my mind that I was asking for something that I deserved. I knew that I was asking for something that I would want for EVERY human being on this planet. We deserve the Peace of God, we deserve to know that the message the Holy Spirit offers us is one that we want to learn. I knew that this prayer was not of the ego, I knew that I was acknowledging a thought which arose from form (a desire for change in my work situation) but that I was letting go of the need to control or judge that desire and surrendering the thought to the power of the Holy Spirit. I knew that I could put my faith in Holy Spirit to bring about a change that would aid me in my purpose of accepting only His thoughts in the mind. I also realised that Esther (the thinking mind) had no way to evaluate what kind of outward situation would be most helpful in order to facilitate the change of mind that I requested. Once again, it was entirely logical to hand over this request to Holy Spirit who sees all and knows all.
After surrendering in this way I realised that this prayer applied to absolutely everything that seemed to stem from a desire for change in form. What a joy to release the need to see this desire manifested in a particular form. I can't explain in words the experience of allowing desire and truly feeling that desire with every fibre of my being, knowing that "I ask not for form but only for content." For so long the mind had placed a veto on desire, judging it as wrong. What a joy to truly feel in every cell of the body that "It matters not what form it takes, I will recognise that which comes from the Mind of God and give it welcome in my heart."
As I did this there was no doubt in my mind that I was asking for something that I deserved. I knew that I was asking for something that I would want for EVERY human being on this planet. We deserve the Peace of God, we deserve to know that the message the Holy Spirit offers us is one that we want to learn. I knew that this prayer was not of the ego, I knew that I was acknowledging a thought which arose from form (a desire for change in my work situation) but that I was letting go of the need to control or judge that desire and surrendering the thought to the power of the Holy Spirit. I knew that I could put my faith in Holy Spirit to bring about a change that would aid me in my purpose of accepting only His thoughts in the mind. I also realised that Esther (the thinking mind) had no way to evaluate what kind of outward situation would be most helpful in order to facilitate the change of mind that I requested. Once again, it was entirely logical to hand over this request to Holy Spirit who sees all and knows all.
After surrendering in this way I realised that this prayer applied to absolutely everything that seemed to stem from a desire for change in form. What a joy to release the need to see this desire manifested in a particular form. I can't explain in words the experience of allowing desire and truly feeling that desire with every fibre of my being, knowing that "I ask not for form but only for content." For so long the mind had placed a veto on desire, judging it as wrong. What a joy to truly feel in every cell of the body that "It matters not what form it takes, I will recognise that which comes from the Mind of God and give it welcome in my heart."
Using a notebook
I have recently been using a very small notebook to jot down any thoughts that seem to be causing confusion, or any thoughts given from the Holy Spirit. This is something I have thought to do many times before but always got stuck on the thought that a big book would be impractical to carry around and a small book would fill up too quickly! Ha ha.
I finally allowed the possibility of getting a book small enough to carry everywhere and simply finding out how long that would last before assuming it to be impractical. Well, I've been using it now for just under 2 weeks and it is only a quarter full :-) This practice has been extremely helpful for me, as it takes no time at all to remember what I really want when there is consistency in the response. Each time I take a confused thought to 'the book' and reach a point of clarity it reinforces my desire for the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
I finally allowed the possibility of getting a book small enough to carry everywhere and simply finding out how long that would last before assuming it to be impractical. Well, I've been using it now for just under 2 weeks and it is only a quarter full :-) This practice has been extremely helpful for me, as it takes no time at all to remember what I really want when there is consistency in the response. Each time I take a confused thought to 'the book' and reach a point of clarity it reinforces my desire for the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
3 August 2007
The Joy of Practising
I am so grateful for the opportunity to practise remembrance. Truly I feel as though the Heavenly Hosts are with me and alongside me as I encounter these opportunities to practise.
The Story…
Today I found out that I had ‘forgotten’ to take back some videos that my friend had rented before leaving town. I remembered saying that I would take them back, but it was not until today when she returned (13 days later) that she reminded me and so I was aware once again that they needed to be returned. So, I had forgotten. It was only at this point that I found out that the rental place she uses charges full price per day so there would be a large amount of money owing. I was not aware of this fact before.
There was an immediate experience of anger and I picked up the videos and left the house straight away to return them. As I was walking down the street I saw an advert on the bus stop with the words “You remembered…” This made me laugh, although in a sarcastic fashion at this point, as the thought came to mind “If only I had remembered.” As I got to the shop I felt ‘resigned’ to the situation and handed the videos over saying “I said I’d bring these back for a friend but I forgot and so can you tell me how much is owing.” He said the bill was £78 but offered to make it £30. I thanked him very much and handed over my card. After paying he handed me back the card and said that everything was clear now. As I walked out of the shop I realised that I didn’t really feel much better even though he had cut the bill by more than 50%. This surprised me and I decided to sit down and observe the thoughts that were going through my mind.
I wrote down:
If I’d known how ‘serious’ it was I would have known to return them sooner.
If I’d had awareness of the consequences I would have acted differently.
I then wondered what was ‘serious’ about the situation…
That what had previously been considered a fairly insignificant action was now perceived as having a different value. I didn’t blame my friend for not having told me at the time how much it would cost per day if I didn’t return them. She simply assumed that I would. A logical assumption it seemed. However it did seem that I had made an ‘expensive’ mistake which I would not have chosen if I had known the outcome. On the one hand it felt unfair as I didn’t know the outcome, and yet there was no-one to blame.
Aha, here I saw an opportunity for a re-frame: If the outcome is to give me the opportunity to look at thoughts in the mind in an uncensored and immediate way then it is something that I would have chosen. Here at last I could see that I was not a victim of an outside circumstance. Up until that point it had seemed so obvious that no-one in their right mind (!*!) would forget to take back a video and run up a bill of £78, that it took a moment to let go of the story and to see the content in the mind.
I am not alone. I am not an individual person with individual responsibilities. I am not the creator of mySelf. I am part of the Sonship, part of One Mind. The seeming actions of Esther the body do not affect my identity in Christ. There is no separate mind of Esther that is responsible for the actions of this body alone. We are One. I received no prompts to return the videos, the very thought of them was absent from my mind after my friend left town. Interestingly, after returning home and speaking to my friend we discovered that she had had more than one prompt to ring me and remind me to take back the videos but she had not acted upon them thinking instead that “Esther had said she would return them so she will.”
Instead of saying “No-one in their right mind would forget to take back a video and run up a bill of £78” I could say “No-one in their right mind would let go of an opportunity to receive the Gifts offered by the Holy Spirit. No-one in their right mind would say no to the chance to loosen the root of fear in awareness.” When these thoughts came to mind there was no question of which purpose I would rather accept. Once I was able to see the real choice that I was making it was easy to follow the heart.
I understand that I can only shine the light by looking upon the darkness. I see that this experience in form was a 'real time' opportunity to allow the darkness to surface and yet to remain clear in my purpose. I am willing to allow mistaken thoughts to reach the surface. I am grateful for this opportunity to see thoughts arising from the belief in separation and to choose again. I am grateful for such an immediate and direct lesson, full of feeling and emotion.
When responding to the form of the story there was a thought “I have needlessly (through forgetfulness) given away something of value (£78) by not recognising where the value lay" (in remembering to return the videos.) But this is only true if I have been mistaken about that which holds value. I am free to choose where I place value.
I know what I value, and that is surrender to the Holy Spirit. I value the purpose of awakening and accepting the reality of One Mind. It matters not that thoughts arise in the mind which seem to ‘prove’ that the atonement has not yet been accepted (such as the thoughts of unfairness and anger I experienced.) There is no need to judge the thoughts that speak for separation. The house that is built upon the rock cannot fall.
In Gratitude
Esther
The Story…
Today I found out that I had ‘forgotten’ to take back some videos that my friend had rented before leaving town. I remembered saying that I would take them back, but it was not until today when she returned (13 days later) that she reminded me and so I was aware once again that they needed to be returned. So, I had forgotten. It was only at this point that I found out that the rental place she uses charges full price per day so there would be a large amount of money owing. I was not aware of this fact before.
There was an immediate experience of anger and I picked up the videos and left the house straight away to return them. As I was walking down the street I saw an advert on the bus stop with the words “You remembered…” This made me laugh, although in a sarcastic fashion at this point, as the thought came to mind “If only I had remembered.” As I got to the shop I felt ‘resigned’ to the situation and handed the videos over saying “I said I’d bring these back for a friend but I forgot and so can you tell me how much is owing.” He said the bill was £78 but offered to make it £30. I thanked him very much and handed over my card. After paying he handed me back the card and said that everything was clear now. As I walked out of the shop I realised that I didn’t really feel much better even though he had cut the bill by more than 50%. This surprised me and I decided to sit down and observe the thoughts that were going through my mind.
I wrote down:
If I’d known how ‘serious’ it was I would have known to return them sooner.
If I’d had awareness of the consequences I would have acted differently.
I then wondered what was ‘serious’ about the situation…
That what had previously been considered a fairly insignificant action was now perceived as having a different value. I didn’t blame my friend for not having told me at the time how much it would cost per day if I didn’t return them. She simply assumed that I would. A logical assumption it seemed. However it did seem that I had made an ‘expensive’ mistake which I would not have chosen if I had known the outcome. On the one hand it felt unfair as I didn’t know the outcome, and yet there was no-one to blame.
Aha, here I saw an opportunity for a re-frame: If the outcome is to give me the opportunity to look at thoughts in the mind in an uncensored and immediate way then it is something that I would have chosen. Here at last I could see that I was not a victim of an outside circumstance. Up until that point it had seemed so obvious that no-one in their right mind (!*!) would forget to take back a video and run up a bill of £78, that it took a moment to let go of the story and to see the content in the mind.
I am not alone. I am not an individual person with individual responsibilities. I am not the creator of mySelf. I am part of the Sonship, part of One Mind. The seeming actions of Esther the body do not affect my identity in Christ. There is no separate mind of Esther that is responsible for the actions of this body alone. We are One. I received no prompts to return the videos, the very thought of them was absent from my mind after my friend left town. Interestingly, after returning home and speaking to my friend we discovered that she had had more than one prompt to ring me and remind me to take back the videos but she had not acted upon them thinking instead that “Esther had said she would return them so she will.”
Instead of saying “No-one in their right mind would forget to take back a video and run up a bill of £78” I could say “No-one in their right mind would let go of an opportunity to receive the Gifts offered by the Holy Spirit. No-one in their right mind would say no to the chance to loosen the root of fear in awareness.” When these thoughts came to mind there was no question of which purpose I would rather accept. Once I was able to see the real choice that I was making it was easy to follow the heart.
I understand that I can only shine the light by looking upon the darkness. I see that this experience in form was a 'real time' opportunity to allow the darkness to surface and yet to remain clear in my purpose. I am willing to allow mistaken thoughts to reach the surface. I am grateful for this opportunity to see thoughts arising from the belief in separation and to choose again. I am grateful for such an immediate and direct lesson, full of feeling and emotion.
When responding to the form of the story there was a thought “I have needlessly (through forgetfulness) given away something of value (£78) by not recognising where the value lay" (in remembering to return the videos.) But this is only true if I have been mistaken about that which holds value. I am free to choose where I place value.
I know what I value, and that is surrender to the Holy Spirit. I value the purpose of awakening and accepting the reality of One Mind. It matters not that thoughts arise in the mind which seem to ‘prove’ that the atonement has not yet been accepted (such as the thoughts of unfairness and anger I experienced.) There is no need to judge the thoughts that speak for separation. The house that is built upon the rock cannot fall.
In Gratitude
Esther
1 August 2007
More reflections about sleep
Yesterday I found my mind wondering what I was going to learn about when waking up this morning. I also noticed some fear that the experience I have been having recently might stop happening. When I looked more closely at what was meant by 'stop happening' I realised that even if my experience of the body waking in the morning changed once more it would not mean that the Holy Spirit had 'left' me! It served to remind me just how important mind watching is.
I notice the thought and realise that it is not a reflection of my true identity. It is not that anything has to happen to the thought "I'm afraid that Holy Spirit might leave me" it is just to see that the 'me' who thinks that thought is not my true identity. Once I realise that, I remember with gratitude that Holy Spirit cannot fail to enter where invited and that it takes only willingness and invitation for His Voice to be present. I then make once again the decision to learn what He would teach. Holy Spirit I know that Your Gifts are all that I desire. I am willing to learn what You would teach. The thought which states that experience is at the mercy of an 'outside' force is simply not true.
This morning as the body went through the process of awakening from sleep confusion was present. After allowing this and embracing it a new realisation dawned. When the thought arises- 'I want to go back to sleep' -it stems from a real desire, which is to Let Go. This was a wonderful realisation as it brought with it an experience of certainty. Here was desire without guilt! There is a desire to let go and this is not an attempt to escape responsibility, it is not an escape from something which cannot be faced, it is not something of which to be ashamed. As I acknowledge the desire to let go I release the wish to be anything other that That which I Am, and this is a blessed experience. The body then, is released from it's false position as originator of experience (the body is tired I must go back to sleep) and once again becomes a learning device reflecting the thoughts held in One Mind (I desire to let go of false identification and to rest in God.)
I offer my gratitude for the Gift given of God, the Voice which reminds us of the Love we are. TRULY I desire only the Gifts that You have to offer.
I notice the thought and realise that it is not a reflection of my true identity. It is not that anything has to happen to the thought "I'm afraid that Holy Spirit might leave me" it is just to see that the 'me' who thinks that thought is not my true identity. Once I realise that, I remember with gratitude that Holy Spirit cannot fail to enter where invited and that it takes only willingness and invitation for His Voice to be present. I then make once again the decision to learn what He would teach. Holy Spirit I know that Your Gifts are all that I desire. I am willing to learn what You would teach. The thought which states that experience is at the mercy of an 'outside' force is simply not true.
This morning as the body went through the process of awakening from sleep confusion was present. After allowing this and embracing it a new realisation dawned. When the thought arises- 'I want to go back to sleep' -it stems from a real desire, which is to Let Go. This was a wonderful realisation as it brought with it an experience of certainty. Here was desire without guilt! There is a desire to let go and this is not an attempt to escape responsibility, it is not an escape from something which cannot be faced, it is not something of which to be ashamed. As I acknowledge the desire to let go I release the wish to be anything other that That which I Am, and this is a blessed experience. The body then, is released from it's false position as originator of experience (the body is tired I must go back to sleep) and once again becomes a learning device reflecting the thoughts held in One Mind (I desire to let go of false identification and to rest in God.)
I offer my gratitude for the Gift given of God, the Voice which reminds us of the Love we are. TRULY I desire only the Gifts that You have to offer.
31 July 2007
The body as a learning device
Wow, I‘ve learnt a really interesting thing this morning. I have discovered that the ‘in between’ time which connects sleep with wakefulness has a usefulness! I realise that this mind has been holding onto the idea for a long time that the ideal thing is to be ‘wide awake’ straight away upon rising from sleep. I am still astounded at the symbolism at work in the life of Esther the body! Really, Esther had absolutely NO idea that there was so much to be learnt by honestly looking at the thoughts occurring in the mind. There was no awareness of the pervasiveness of the idea that “I should be able to wake up straight away.” Thank You so much Holy Spirit for teaching me through allowing thoughts connected with the body to be seen and acknowledged. It feels as though I have truly experienced the meaning of the body as a ‘learning device.’ It is through the apparent experience of the body that the mind has been able to accept this valuable lesson, not through intellectual deductions of the thinking mind. Since making the decision that “I am willing to have a different experience of waking up” I have been guided to an awareness of the ‘in between’ state, and shown that this can be a useful place when judgement is absent. There was previously no awareness of the judgement that was being projected onto the body.
Two days ago after going through this ‘in between’ time the Holy Spirit guided the body through an active meditation that brought about an awareness of ‘control.’ This brought with it a corresponding awareness of the desire to let go. Once this experience had come to an end I was guided to ‘get up’ and went to the bookshelf. I took down The Way of Mastery and opened it on p226 to read the phrase “No longer is there manipulation or control.” I laughed a lot! I have since read the whole of lesson 22 ‘Self-Honesty-the Greatest Act of Love.’ In reading this chapter I feel awakened to my true desire and feel the power of this desire.
Another thing of note is the way in which I have come to understand in an experiential way the ‘advice’ that was given through me to a friend of mine. Again Esther is blown away(!) by the way that these words were perfectly applicable to her mind. One of the questions in lesson 22 is “Have I ever hated God?” Well, I had to stop and think what was meant by the word God. I then wondered if I had hated the fact that Love is all there is, the fact that Spirit gives through Spirit to Spirit that which Spirit requests.
What came to mind was the time when my first boyfriend broke up with me. At that time I had an extremely strong experience of holding onto the idea that the Universe was unfair. The way I saw it was that our inability to be together was due to something out of our control and I couldn’t blame him in any way for what had happened. I railed against the unfairness of such a situation- if all two people wanted was to be together and to be happy why should that wish not be granted by the universe. As I remembered this past time I had the desire to experience the pain again and to embrace it, knowing that ‘it need not be.’ I saw that I had been mistaken in my interpretation. When I discovered that I was not able to directly access that state of mind I let go of this ‘need’ to do so and trusted that the Holy Spirit would guide me as necessary.
At all times my true desire is for the Gifts of the Holy Spirit and not the false promise of safety offered by fear. What then came to mind was this advice that had been given through me to a friend of mine. She was afraid that by physically leaving a place she would be leaving behind her sense of belonging, safety, community, friendship. What was shared was the idea that in releasing these qualities from being tied to particular places and people a sense of true safety can arise. As I saw that I only wanted the best for her, the greatest idea of Who she Is I realised the perfection of the situation. I wanted her to see just how loved she really is, that it matters not where she goes or who she is with, the Christ that is within deserves only perfect safety. What a sense of freedom to know that! I saw that which I truly wanted for my sister in Christ, to know herself as she is, and how her apparent ‘loss’ in the world was actually giving her the opportunity to release an outworn idea of who she is (undeserving and limited.) As I was reminded of this advice I saw that it was perfectly applicable to my past experience. How much easier it was for me to see this when Holy Spirit showed it to me through my sister in Christ! I saw that there was nothing I wanted more for her, and didn’t feel guilty or wrong in any way for wanting that- how could I? I wanted only perfect freedom and safety for her. The question is; “Would I choose anything less for mySelf?”
Two days ago after going through this ‘in between’ time the Holy Spirit guided the body through an active meditation that brought about an awareness of ‘control.’ This brought with it a corresponding awareness of the desire to let go. Once this experience had come to an end I was guided to ‘get up’ and went to the bookshelf. I took down The Way of Mastery and opened it on p226 to read the phrase “No longer is there manipulation or control.” I laughed a lot! I have since read the whole of lesson 22 ‘Self-Honesty-the Greatest Act of Love.’ In reading this chapter I feel awakened to my true desire and feel the power of this desire.
Another thing of note is the way in which I have come to understand in an experiential way the ‘advice’ that was given through me to a friend of mine. Again Esther is blown away(!) by the way that these words were perfectly applicable to her mind. One of the questions in lesson 22 is “Have I ever hated God?” Well, I had to stop and think what was meant by the word God. I then wondered if I had hated the fact that Love is all there is, the fact that Spirit gives through Spirit to Spirit that which Spirit requests.
What came to mind was the time when my first boyfriend broke up with me. At that time I had an extremely strong experience of holding onto the idea that the Universe was unfair. The way I saw it was that our inability to be together was due to something out of our control and I couldn’t blame him in any way for what had happened. I railed against the unfairness of such a situation- if all two people wanted was to be together and to be happy why should that wish not be granted by the universe. As I remembered this past time I had the desire to experience the pain again and to embrace it, knowing that ‘it need not be.’ I saw that I had been mistaken in my interpretation. When I discovered that I was not able to directly access that state of mind I let go of this ‘need’ to do so and trusted that the Holy Spirit would guide me as necessary.
At all times my true desire is for the Gifts of the Holy Spirit and not the false promise of safety offered by fear. What then came to mind was this advice that had been given through me to a friend of mine. She was afraid that by physically leaving a place she would be leaving behind her sense of belonging, safety, community, friendship. What was shared was the idea that in releasing these qualities from being tied to particular places and people a sense of true safety can arise. As I saw that I only wanted the best for her, the greatest idea of Who she Is I realised the perfection of the situation. I wanted her to see just how loved she really is, that it matters not where she goes or who she is with, the Christ that is within deserves only perfect safety. What a sense of freedom to know that! I saw that which I truly wanted for my sister in Christ, to know herself as she is, and how her apparent ‘loss’ in the world was actually giving her the opportunity to release an outworn idea of who she is (undeserving and limited.) As I was reminded of this advice I saw that it was perfectly applicable to my past experience. How much easier it was for me to see this when Holy Spirit showed it to me through my sister in Christ! I saw that there was nothing I wanted more for her, and didn’t feel guilty or wrong in any way for wanting that- how could I? I wanted only perfect freedom and safety for her. The question is; “Would I choose anything less for mySelf?”
23 May 2007
Return to the workbook!
The last three days I have been inspired to go back to workbook lessons starting with the lesson which was presented when I opened the book 'randomly.' Yesterday I was on lesson 77 "I am entitled to miracles" and had such an amazing day...
Lesson 77
I am entitled to miracles.
09:00am
Be gentle with yourself today. Look to me in all things. Let me be the one who speaks through you today. Let my knowledge be given you today. You need only concern yourself with awareness of your willingness to hear My voice.
You are entitled to see differently.
13:00 at work
Holy Spirit I feel as though I am struggling with the lesson for today.
Child, join me as I watch from above the battleground, in truth you are safe with me far above this seeming fray. There is nothing to fear in seeing an apparent battle. Seeing this apparent sight does not mean that you are in danger. Feeling this struggle does not affect your ability to connect with miracle mindedness. Notice a strong willingness to believe what this feeling of struggle would tell you about your identity. Notice that this is a pattern which the ego would use to convince you that there is proof you are separate. The ego seems to produce compelling evidence- “you don’t know what a miracle is, you won’t succeed in understanding the lesson of the day, you will not get out of this confusion you are in, you won’t gain any benefit from the lesson unless you understand it, take ownership of it, you’re not sure so you won’t succeed.”
It seems as though it is about success. Success appears to be linked with progress, with doing something and yet the Holy Spirit teaches that I need do nothing. Miracles come from Spirit, from the Oneness and it is not up to me to determine the content or the form. I need only be willing.
Holy Spirit I AM willing to look to you. I WOULD hear your words, your voice. I DO trust in you. This IS real because I feel it in my heart. I trust in my willingness. I know that You are with me. My desire is to open my heart that I might learn miracle mindedness. Your voice has been given me that learning this will be inevitable.
01:00am
Wow, what an amazing teacher! Thank you Holy Spirit for Your sight. I gladly accept Your vision, I will only to see what You would show me through your grace.
Some of my colleagues from work spontaneously decided to have a barbeque tonight and I was invited. I said yes straight away and felt sure in being guided to make that response. We had a wonderful evening and I kept saying how perfect the whole evening was, everything was so effortless and there was much laughter and sharing and enjoyment. However at around midnight I started to be aware of feeling nauseous. I have had a phobia about being physically sick for a long time and once this feeling was present I noticed a lot of thoughts coming up in response to that. There was a definite temptation to believe in judgment and use “reason” to reinforce the idea that all is not perfect. I noticed such thoughts as “I should not have drunk so much, if I was the Child of God I would not do such things as to drink this amount of wine, to smoke joints etc. I’ve obviously slipped into a pattern of following the ego.”
Thank You Holy Spirit for your constant watch over me, and readiness to respond the moment that I call out to you.
As I felt sick the first response was to judge- “I’ve definitely gone the wrong way now. A Child of God wouldn’t be dumb enough to get herself into this kind of situation- overindulging etc” The second response was to fall into old habits of attempting to repress the physical urge to be sick. The third response was to allow rest and the opportunity for my real desire to emerge. At that point I realised that I could say in a heartfelt manner that all I wanted was to know myself as the Child of God, to know myself as I am in truth and not in experience. As I sunk to my knees on the floor of the bathroom, in front of the toilet, I knew that as I voiced these words they were heartfelt but I also noticed a thought in my mind that jumped in very quickly reasoning that as my truth is to see that I am not a body being physically sick would not help me in any way to reach this realisation. Only dimly aware of this thought I was still unwilling to surrender entirely to Spirit. As I stood in the bathroom of my friend’s house I was aware that there were two ways of looking at the situation and that I was responsible for making a decision but there was a strong willingness to surrender to the thought that “I am not entirely willing to surrender to the apparent “physical” symptoms, I won’t be able to accept the consequences, I’m not sure I can do this.” However, at the same time I was still aware, however dimly, that there was another choice and there was a possibility of making that choice. As I felt the urge to be sick I let go enough to allow a full retch believing that at that point I had surrendered. However, I discovered that nothing came out as my throat closed up as the stomach heaved. For a moment I felt relieved that I had gone further than ever before in letting go and that I had done the best I could, it wasn’t my fault if it simply couldn’t come out. I got up and realised that the waves of nausea hadn’t completely disappeared and stood transfixed once again. I also had an aversion to other bodies being around while I felt like this, whilst conversely wishing that someone would tell me that it was OK in such a way that I would feel 100% reassured. As my friends came into the kitchen I forced myself to unlock the bathroom door and speak to them, despite this fear of being sick around others whilst simultaneously not wanting to be on my own. I saw the complete impossibility of having both thoughts at the same time and that in that moment I chose to acknowledge the others as being there, hearing the fear and yet choosing to engage with them anyway. I was seeking for reassurance but I didn’t know what for. What I did know, however, was that when they said “It’s ok to be sick, no-one enjoys it but you’ll feel better afterward” I did not feel reassured in the way I had imagined. Once I had noticed the thought that they were not giving me the reassurance I felt I wanted I was able to let that thought go. As I did so I acknowledged that in some way I had been hoping that someone else could take away the fear for me. As I let go of that false desire I realised that their response definitely supported me in holding the idea that being sick would be a helpful thing. They had also let me know that they did not judge my being sick as a bad thing beyond the fact that it’s not the most pleasant sensation in the world. These two thoughts did help me and strengthened my willingness to consider the possibility that I might be physically sick-even though I couldn’t really imagine going through with it. The thought then occurred to me that I could take a walk down the lane outside the house (they live in the countryside) as movement generally stimulated the sensation of nausea. I felt that in that way I would carry out an action that showed trust in the possibility of being sick. By actively choosing to walk I would demonstrate the ability to act in the face of fear rather than retreating. As I walked out onto the lane I was struck by the beauty of the sky, stars and moon. The sensation of nausea did not strike me particularly hard at this point and there was the thought that maybe the experience was going to end there.
However the next moment it was as if I heard myself calling out that I was willing to do whatever it takes to know myself as I am. I heard myself make this statement twice in a completely committed way, and it was also extremely clear in my mind as I heard the words in my head that in that moment there was absolutely no hint of a prescription as to how that might manifest. There was absolutely no judgment in that moment as to what might be required of me and whether I would be able to carry through.
Then it was as if I heard the words “whatever it takes?” echoed back to me and as I reflected upon that question I realised that the answer was a hearty yes. Yes, even if that meant having to take a physical action representing my willingness, such as reaching into the back of my mouth and touching my throat with my finger in the face of this fear (something which I had previously thought I could never do.) And so I did just that and felt my stomach heave once more and nothing come out as my throat closed up. This time, I sank to my knees in the grass and noticed myself, for the first time, holding the thought that it must be possible to allow the throat to be open while the stomach was heaving. I decided that if the heaving returned I wanted to hold in my mind the intention of allowing the throat to be open. As the next wave came I held onto this thought as to the mainsail of my boat in the storm and felt the full force of the act of vomiting. And there was the thought clear as day “I’m going to die, I have to stop it, If this doesn’t stop then I will die.” And then the wave passed. I was amazed by the clarity of the moment and by the fact that this experience surfaced so suddenly and unexpectedly and was then so quickly gone. Almost straight away I felt another wave of retching approaching and I held close once more to the same intention, to allow the throat to open. As the action of vomiting occurred for the second time I felt the exact same emotion, the same thought and understood in that moment that the fear associated with those thoughts would never again need to be hidden. In that moment I knew I was safe, I knew that it was just a thought, and that the power came from the thought and not from the physical act of vomiting. By allowing the vomiting I was not allowing the possibility that the body would actually die, but rather I was allowing the chance to let go of the misperception that the physical act was responsible for the feeling that I was experiencing.
When I was about 9 years old I fell off my bicycle whilst travelling at a fairly fast speed and hit the side of my head as I fell off, knocking myself unconscious. I regained consciousness briefly as my parents took me to the hospital in the car but I felt extremely disembodied and disoriented. The last memory I had, connected with the accident, was of being on a trolley in the hospital and being really sick and seeing an unreasonably large amount of strange coloured vomit in front of me. I was in hospital for three days. I don’t recall how long it was before I regained consciousness. In the moment today when I consciously invited the action of vomiting to occur I allowed myself to access this experience which, up until now, I had hidden where I did not want to find it! As a 9 year old I experienced the thought that I was responsible for ensuring my own safety, that it was up to me to stop this endless vomiting, that there was nothing in control, I was scared, what if I couldn’t stop it, what if I died? I had to stop it, there was no doubt in my mind at that moment.
And yet this evening the Holy Spirit heard my prayers and drew me to a situation where I could allow this darkness to be seen whilst looking from the light. I am able to view the situation with compassion, not blaming the 9 year old for having those thoughts in mind but knowing that I am now in a position to choose differently. It is not that I was wrong for having those thoughts in mind, but that as an adult I can now choose to view those thoughts as being mistaken. As an adult I can experience the full impact of those thoughts and yet look with the Holy Spirit. What a blessing.
I cannot begin to express my gratitude as this moment of right mindedness spread peace throughout the one Mind. I knew that Holy Spirit was right with me, I knew that Holy Spirit had answered my prayer, I knew that I had been given an opportunity to find faith in trust, I knew that everything is perfect in His sight. Such knowledge, such certainty brings immense gratitude. I saw that there was indeed perfection in the unfolding of all events if we allow His Purpose to shine through and I would not have it any other way. I did not want to change a single thing in the whole experience. I felt humbled in having had the opportunity to really experience the strength of my own conviction, the faith which exists within.
A miracle indeed! A wondrous event to feel the full import of stating with no reservation my true desire, to know myself whatever it takes.
Lesson 77
I am entitled to miracles.
09:00am
Be gentle with yourself today. Look to me in all things. Let me be the one who speaks through you today. Let my knowledge be given you today. You need only concern yourself with awareness of your willingness to hear My voice.
You are entitled to see differently.
13:00 at work
Holy Spirit I feel as though I am struggling with the lesson for today.
Child, join me as I watch from above the battleground, in truth you are safe with me far above this seeming fray. There is nothing to fear in seeing an apparent battle. Seeing this apparent sight does not mean that you are in danger. Feeling this struggle does not affect your ability to connect with miracle mindedness. Notice a strong willingness to believe what this feeling of struggle would tell you about your identity. Notice that this is a pattern which the ego would use to convince you that there is proof you are separate. The ego seems to produce compelling evidence- “you don’t know what a miracle is, you won’t succeed in understanding the lesson of the day, you will not get out of this confusion you are in, you won’t gain any benefit from the lesson unless you understand it, take ownership of it, you’re not sure so you won’t succeed.”
It seems as though it is about success. Success appears to be linked with progress, with doing something and yet the Holy Spirit teaches that I need do nothing. Miracles come from Spirit, from the Oneness and it is not up to me to determine the content or the form. I need only be willing.
Holy Spirit I AM willing to look to you. I WOULD hear your words, your voice. I DO trust in you. This IS real because I feel it in my heart. I trust in my willingness. I know that You are with me. My desire is to open my heart that I might learn miracle mindedness. Your voice has been given me that learning this will be inevitable.
01:00am
Wow, what an amazing teacher! Thank you Holy Spirit for Your sight. I gladly accept Your vision, I will only to see what You would show me through your grace.
Some of my colleagues from work spontaneously decided to have a barbeque tonight and I was invited. I said yes straight away and felt sure in being guided to make that response. We had a wonderful evening and I kept saying how perfect the whole evening was, everything was so effortless and there was much laughter and sharing and enjoyment. However at around midnight I started to be aware of feeling nauseous. I have had a phobia about being physically sick for a long time and once this feeling was present I noticed a lot of thoughts coming up in response to that. There was a definite temptation to believe in judgment and use “reason” to reinforce the idea that all is not perfect. I noticed such thoughts as “I should not have drunk so much, if I was the Child of God I would not do such things as to drink this amount of wine, to smoke joints etc. I’ve obviously slipped into a pattern of following the ego.”
Thank You Holy Spirit for your constant watch over me, and readiness to respond the moment that I call out to you.
As I felt sick the first response was to judge- “I’ve definitely gone the wrong way now. A Child of God wouldn’t be dumb enough to get herself into this kind of situation- overindulging etc” The second response was to fall into old habits of attempting to repress the physical urge to be sick. The third response was to allow rest and the opportunity for my real desire to emerge. At that point I realised that I could say in a heartfelt manner that all I wanted was to know myself as the Child of God, to know myself as I am in truth and not in experience. As I sunk to my knees on the floor of the bathroom, in front of the toilet, I knew that as I voiced these words they were heartfelt but I also noticed a thought in my mind that jumped in very quickly reasoning that as my truth is to see that I am not a body being physically sick would not help me in any way to reach this realisation. Only dimly aware of this thought I was still unwilling to surrender entirely to Spirit. As I stood in the bathroom of my friend’s house I was aware that there were two ways of looking at the situation and that I was responsible for making a decision but there was a strong willingness to surrender to the thought that “I am not entirely willing to surrender to the apparent “physical” symptoms, I won’t be able to accept the consequences, I’m not sure I can do this.” However, at the same time I was still aware, however dimly, that there was another choice and there was a possibility of making that choice. As I felt the urge to be sick I let go enough to allow a full retch believing that at that point I had surrendered. However, I discovered that nothing came out as my throat closed up as the stomach heaved. For a moment I felt relieved that I had gone further than ever before in letting go and that I had done the best I could, it wasn’t my fault if it simply couldn’t come out. I got up and realised that the waves of nausea hadn’t completely disappeared and stood transfixed once again. I also had an aversion to other bodies being around while I felt like this, whilst conversely wishing that someone would tell me that it was OK in such a way that I would feel 100% reassured. As my friends came into the kitchen I forced myself to unlock the bathroom door and speak to them, despite this fear of being sick around others whilst simultaneously not wanting to be on my own. I saw the complete impossibility of having both thoughts at the same time and that in that moment I chose to acknowledge the others as being there, hearing the fear and yet choosing to engage with them anyway. I was seeking for reassurance but I didn’t know what for. What I did know, however, was that when they said “It’s ok to be sick, no-one enjoys it but you’ll feel better afterward” I did not feel reassured in the way I had imagined. Once I had noticed the thought that they were not giving me the reassurance I felt I wanted I was able to let that thought go. As I did so I acknowledged that in some way I had been hoping that someone else could take away the fear for me. As I let go of that false desire I realised that their response definitely supported me in holding the idea that being sick would be a helpful thing. They had also let me know that they did not judge my being sick as a bad thing beyond the fact that it’s not the most pleasant sensation in the world. These two thoughts did help me and strengthened my willingness to consider the possibility that I might be physically sick-even though I couldn’t really imagine going through with it. The thought then occurred to me that I could take a walk down the lane outside the house (they live in the countryside) as movement generally stimulated the sensation of nausea. I felt that in that way I would carry out an action that showed trust in the possibility of being sick. By actively choosing to walk I would demonstrate the ability to act in the face of fear rather than retreating. As I walked out onto the lane I was struck by the beauty of the sky, stars and moon. The sensation of nausea did not strike me particularly hard at this point and there was the thought that maybe the experience was going to end there.
However the next moment it was as if I heard myself calling out that I was willing to do whatever it takes to know myself as I am. I heard myself make this statement twice in a completely committed way, and it was also extremely clear in my mind as I heard the words in my head that in that moment there was absolutely no hint of a prescription as to how that might manifest. There was absolutely no judgment in that moment as to what might be required of me and whether I would be able to carry through.
Then it was as if I heard the words “whatever it takes?” echoed back to me and as I reflected upon that question I realised that the answer was a hearty yes. Yes, even if that meant having to take a physical action representing my willingness, such as reaching into the back of my mouth and touching my throat with my finger in the face of this fear (something which I had previously thought I could never do.) And so I did just that and felt my stomach heave once more and nothing come out as my throat closed up. This time, I sank to my knees in the grass and noticed myself, for the first time, holding the thought that it must be possible to allow the throat to be open while the stomach was heaving. I decided that if the heaving returned I wanted to hold in my mind the intention of allowing the throat to be open. As the next wave came I held onto this thought as to the mainsail of my boat in the storm and felt the full force of the act of vomiting. And there was the thought clear as day “I’m going to die, I have to stop it, If this doesn’t stop then I will die.” And then the wave passed. I was amazed by the clarity of the moment and by the fact that this experience surfaced so suddenly and unexpectedly and was then so quickly gone. Almost straight away I felt another wave of retching approaching and I held close once more to the same intention, to allow the throat to open. As the action of vomiting occurred for the second time I felt the exact same emotion, the same thought and understood in that moment that the fear associated with those thoughts would never again need to be hidden. In that moment I knew I was safe, I knew that it was just a thought, and that the power came from the thought and not from the physical act of vomiting. By allowing the vomiting I was not allowing the possibility that the body would actually die, but rather I was allowing the chance to let go of the misperception that the physical act was responsible for the feeling that I was experiencing.
When I was about 9 years old I fell off my bicycle whilst travelling at a fairly fast speed and hit the side of my head as I fell off, knocking myself unconscious. I regained consciousness briefly as my parents took me to the hospital in the car but I felt extremely disembodied and disoriented. The last memory I had, connected with the accident, was of being on a trolley in the hospital and being really sick and seeing an unreasonably large amount of strange coloured vomit in front of me. I was in hospital for three days. I don’t recall how long it was before I regained consciousness. In the moment today when I consciously invited the action of vomiting to occur I allowed myself to access this experience which, up until now, I had hidden where I did not want to find it! As a 9 year old I experienced the thought that I was responsible for ensuring my own safety, that it was up to me to stop this endless vomiting, that there was nothing in control, I was scared, what if I couldn’t stop it, what if I died? I had to stop it, there was no doubt in my mind at that moment.
And yet this evening the Holy Spirit heard my prayers and drew me to a situation where I could allow this darkness to be seen whilst looking from the light. I am able to view the situation with compassion, not blaming the 9 year old for having those thoughts in mind but knowing that I am now in a position to choose differently. It is not that I was wrong for having those thoughts in mind, but that as an adult I can now choose to view those thoughts as being mistaken. As an adult I can experience the full impact of those thoughts and yet look with the Holy Spirit. What a blessing.
I cannot begin to express my gratitude as this moment of right mindedness spread peace throughout the one Mind. I knew that Holy Spirit was right with me, I knew that Holy Spirit had answered my prayer, I knew that I had been given an opportunity to find faith in trust, I knew that everything is perfect in His sight. Such knowledge, such certainty brings immense gratitude. I saw that there was indeed perfection in the unfolding of all events if we allow His Purpose to shine through and I would not have it any other way. I did not want to change a single thing in the whole experience. I felt humbled in having had the opportunity to really experience the strength of my own conviction, the faith which exists within.
A miracle indeed! A wondrous event to feel the full import of stating with no reservation my true desire, to know myself whatever it takes.
9 May 2007
Thankfulness
I’d just like to give you the background to recent events which led to my having the phone session with DavidPaul described in the post below, as the whole sequence has been the start of a new cycle for me…
I subscribe to several different foundations every month and recently these subscriptions came up for renewal as my debit card went past its expiry date. Without much thought I went to paypal and updated my details thinking that would allow the payments to continue. This was the case for two of them, but one payment (for the Voice for Love website run by DavidPaul and Candace Doyle) was not actually through paypal, but through the individual website. I got more than one or two emails from the site to let me know that the card had expired and giving me a link to update my information but I put the message on hold and didn’t update the information.
Choosing to be a member of this site had given me access to weekly and monthly materials that simply arrived in my inbox, and I could listen to the messages or download them with one easy click. Without being particularly aware of it I had got into the habit (as a result of thoughts such as “I’m too busy to download it, I’ve got plenty to listen to already etc) of deleting these messages before even listening to them! This train of thought, which was going in a particular direction, led to questioning whether it was worth renewing the subscription. I was delaying making a decision on this matter, although I had no idea when I might decide one way or the other.
What happened next is that I got a message on my mobile from DavidPaul just to say Hi and to let me know that the card had expired. Finally I sat up and took notice- here was an opportunity! This was a chance to look again at something that I had acknowledged as being connected to the Truth, and yet to which I had stopped paying attention. There was something about getting a message directly from DavidPaul that caught my notice. It was like an invitation to join and I acted upon it directly! This was the moment when I was no longer in any doubt as to whether to renew the subscription or not. I immediately renewed and the same day took the Doyles book “the Journey that never was” off the shelf and started to re-read it.
It is wonderful when something happens which leaves one in no doubt as to the right- minded response! I also chose to open A Course In Miracles, for the first time in a while, and one of the first things I read was:
“I said before that forgetting is merely a way of remembering better. It is therefore not the opposite of remembering when it is properly perceived. Perceived improperly, it induces a perception of conflict with something else, as all incorrect perception does. Properly perceived, it can be used as a way out of conflict, as all proper perception can.” T7 IV 2:7-10
I realised then that this was indeed an opportunity. I could choose to see this moment as a way of remembering better what it is that I want. I could choose to use this moment to reconnect to my desire for Truth and Love. All this was truly being offered me in the moment. It was a joyful experience to reconnect with the desire within.
DavidPaul mentioned the possibility of talking on the phone and I saw this as another opportunity, which I had heretofore ignored or overlooked. Not this time! I was prepared to allow the possibility that this might hold more gifts of learning and Love.
We spoke on the phone and I felt guided to book a session with him where I could ask questions directly to the Holy Spirit. This turned out to be another wonderful opportunity and brought to light many useful ideas, thoughts and ways of looking at things. When DavidPaul sent me a copy of the recording I felt guided to make a transcription of it as another way of absorbing the ideas. This was very useful to me, and I later asked him if it was ok to share it on the blog. I understand that the thoughts shared were extremely useful to me as they spoke directly to where I was in the moment, but I thought it would be great to share the words so that there is the opportunity for others to hear them too.
I would like to thank both DavidPaul and Candace for their commitment to sharing the presence of Love, and the Journey with so many others. Truly, we call to each other as we allow the Light to shine brightly.
It is of no consequence that I was not listening to the messages for a while, what is of consequence is that I choose to listen now. What matters is that I am ready to bring any darkness that is uncovered to the light. I am able to notice judgments that the darkness is useless and should be ignored or pushed away and simply choose again. This was, I feel, a strong message that came through as a result of the session. I choose to allow the possibility of linking together what I know to be True (Oneness, Love, Abstraction) and those ideas/feelings/thoughts/situations/events which appear to be far from the Truth. It is not necessary for me to judge any of those things that fall into the second category above. In contrast, it IS possible to allow any of those things to be and to know that the Truth is STILL true. This seems like a missing pin, which I had failed to acknowledge in a real practical everyday sense before.
I now feel that I am ready to allow more of those thoughts/ideas/beliefs/feelings that appear to be far from the truth to be flushed up in order that I can let this process of undoing begin. It seems quite challenging at times, for there is often fear of allowing the darkness ‘full reign.’ A sense that it is quite proper to label a certain behaviour as unreasonable “If I was thinking in my right mind I obviously wouldn’t feel like that/ would be able to react differently.” I understand that gentleness and compassion are central to this path and it is with great willingness that I undertake to learn the lessons of Love.
With thanks to All
To sing the song of joy
Esther.
I subscribe to several different foundations every month and recently these subscriptions came up for renewal as my debit card went past its expiry date. Without much thought I went to paypal and updated my details thinking that would allow the payments to continue. This was the case for two of them, but one payment (for the Voice for Love website run by DavidPaul and Candace Doyle) was not actually through paypal, but through the individual website. I got more than one or two emails from the site to let me know that the card had expired and giving me a link to update my information but I put the message on hold and didn’t update the information.
Choosing to be a member of this site had given me access to weekly and monthly materials that simply arrived in my inbox, and I could listen to the messages or download them with one easy click. Without being particularly aware of it I had got into the habit (as a result of thoughts such as “I’m too busy to download it, I’ve got plenty to listen to already etc) of deleting these messages before even listening to them! This train of thought, which was going in a particular direction, led to questioning whether it was worth renewing the subscription. I was delaying making a decision on this matter, although I had no idea when I might decide one way or the other.
What happened next is that I got a message on my mobile from DavidPaul just to say Hi and to let me know that the card had expired. Finally I sat up and took notice- here was an opportunity! This was a chance to look again at something that I had acknowledged as being connected to the Truth, and yet to which I had stopped paying attention. There was something about getting a message directly from DavidPaul that caught my notice. It was like an invitation to join and I acted upon it directly! This was the moment when I was no longer in any doubt as to whether to renew the subscription or not. I immediately renewed and the same day took the Doyles book “the Journey that never was” off the shelf and started to re-read it.
It is wonderful when something happens which leaves one in no doubt as to the right- minded response! I also chose to open A Course In Miracles, for the first time in a while, and one of the first things I read was:
“I said before that forgetting is merely a way of remembering better. It is therefore not the opposite of remembering when it is properly perceived. Perceived improperly, it induces a perception of conflict with something else, as all incorrect perception does. Properly perceived, it can be used as a way out of conflict, as all proper perception can.” T7 IV 2:7-10
I realised then that this was indeed an opportunity. I could choose to see this moment as a way of remembering better what it is that I want. I could choose to use this moment to reconnect to my desire for Truth and Love. All this was truly being offered me in the moment. It was a joyful experience to reconnect with the desire within.
DavidPaul mentioned the possibility of talking on the phone and I saw this as another opportunity, which I had heretofore ignored or overlooked. Not this time! I was prepared to allow the possibility that this might hold more gifts of learning and Love.
We spoke on the phone and I felt guided to book a session with him where I could ask questions directly to the Holy Spirit. This turned out to be another wonderful opportunity and brought to light many useful ideas, thoughts and ways of looking at things. When DavidPaul sent me a copy of the recording I felt guided to make a transcription of it as another way of absorbing the ideas. This was very useful to me, and I later asked him if it was ok to share it on the blog. I understand that the thoughts shared were extremely useful to me as they spoke directly to where I was in the moment, but I thought it would be great to share the words so that there is the opportunity for others to hear them too.
I would like to thank both DavidPaul and Candace for their commitment to sharing the presence of Love, and the Journey with so many others. Truly, we call to each other as we allow the Light to shine brightly.
It is of no consequence that I was not listening to the messages for a while, what is of consequence is that I choose to listen now. What matters is that I am ready to bring any darkness that is uncovered to the light. I am able to notice judgments that the darkness is useless and should be ignored or pushed away and simply choose again. This was, I feel, a strong message that came through as a result of the session. I choose to allow the possibility of linking together what I know to be True (Oneness, Love, Abstraction) and those ideas/feelings/thoughts/situations/events which appear to be far from the Truth. It is not necessary for me to judge any of those things that fall into the second category above. In contrast, it IS possible to allow any of those things to be and to know that the Truth is STILL true. This seems like a missing pin, which I had failed to acknowledge in a real practical everyday sense before.
I now feel that I am ready to allow more of those thoughts/ideas/beliefs/feelings that appear to be far from the truth to be flushed up in order that I can let this process of undoing begin. It seems quite challenging at times, for there is often fear of allowing the darkness ‘full reign.’ A sense that it is quite proper to label a certain behaviour as unreasonable “If I was thinking in my right mind I obviously wouldn’t feel like that/ would be able to react differently.” I understand that gentleness and compassion are central to this path and it is with great willingness that I undertake to learn the lessons of Love.
With thanks to All
To sing the song of joy
Esther.
Session Transcription from 27/4/07 with DavidPaul Doyle
HS:
Greetings and blessings to you Precious One. Indeed it is a joyous occasion to gather together with you in this way. Thank you so much for your courage, your desire, and your commitment to being the presence of Truth in the world. To not just understand the truth but truly have that awareness within the world, within what one perceives, and to be able to transcend the world’s perception and indeed enter that place of knowingness where there is no duality, only the knowingness of pure oneness, Love and Union with your Father.
You have done a wonderful job to wrap your mind around the Truth, to integrate that awareness into your mind, into your beliefs and into your perception. It is often the challenge for most to apply these truths to situations that are perceived with the ego. The ego is very good at proving its point, at convincing one that that perception is accurate, and it can be difficult in the beginning to see the misperception and to truly let that go and to bring truth to what appears to happen in the world. And yet once you lock that ability in it becomes easier and easier and easier to shift into that state of mind. And we can certainly work with you today to do just that.
What this one suggested is a good idea and will be helpful, and there will be other things that unfold during our time together in this way, and yet for now please feel free to share with this one, and yourself, a situation that you are experiencing, the understanding of truth that you have, and how those seem contradictory to you in this particular situation. Does that sound ok with you?
E:
Yes. So, I can immediately think of a specific situation, which I seem to be experiencing at the moment.
The child of God is what I want to see in every person who I interact with and in the past it’s been easier for me to say, in that respect, what I don’t want is a relationship with a person that’s a special relationship. That kind of sexual special relationship type of interaction that exists in the world. And it’s been easier for me to say that’s what I don’t want and therefore, in a sense, to avoid any possibility of getting caught up in that scenario. That’s quite easy for me to do that but I guess I’ve come to realise that that’s not the best way of bringing truth into the world- to say that’s what I don’t want and by avoiding that I’ll make sure that that doesn’t happen! So I feel that I’ve now opened the door to another way of looking at that apparent situation in the world.
So specifically what’s happened is that a person has appeared in my life who I’ve allowed that type of interaction to occur with. I’ve allowed the possibility of that. Having had, in the world’s eyes, that kind of connection with that person I then find myself confused about exactly what it is I’ve allowed to happen. It seems like the two things are mutually exclusive, being able to see that person as the Child of God (and in that sense the same as myself, and we’re equal in that respect) and yet having this physical situation, which the world defines in a completely different way. And then getting caught up in feelings that are associated with my identity as a person in the world. Feeling that that’s not what I want, but knowing I’m starting to relate to that person as somebody who can do things that will make me happy. Feeling that how they respond to me in the physical sense is important and that will be telling me about who I am, and how I am, and whether I am ok. And not wanting it to be like that but also not wanting to just push the whole thing away and say “Well in that I case I just close the door on that.” That’s my best description of the situation as I see it, I think- a specific situation.
HS:
Thank you very much for sharing that and it is indeed common when one is trying so hard to let go of the ego and the special relationship that the ego has with the world, while trying to integrate truth at the same time. What is often the case for many is that they perceive the action, or the result, or the manifestation of form as indicative of the ego, as coming from the ego. For example, when one talks about special relationships what one is describing is relating to the world through the ego. Where one is attached, controlled, manipulative, wanting, needing, dependent upon whatever the thing is. So if one is relating to a relationship through the ego’s eyes one must have that relationship to have peace. One must have the relationship be how they want, to have peace. One finds happiness in the form of just ‘A relationship’ and one is fearful of losing that relationship, and these types of things. That is how one would define a special relationship, when one is perceiving relationship in that way. Hoarding them, controlling them, afraid of losing them and seeking satisfaction and joy and completion in them. And yet that does not exclude having a relationship in your right mind. If one were to be in a relationship within their right mind a relationship would be a place of celebration, opportunity, sharing, joining, playing, partnership, mutual support, friendship and these types of things where one can be in the relationship and yet not see it as their source of joy, their source of completion, what gives them their connection etc but as an outcome of the joy, the connection, the peace, the completion that one already has within their heart and mind.
Sex itself…
One cannot look at a physical situation and know if it is coming from the ego or coming from one’s right mind or coming from a place of holiness, because the physical world has nothing to do with determining that. One could be in a relationship and be in the ego, and one could be in a relationship and be in their right mind. One can spontaneously make love with another from a place of joy, celebration, union, friendship, intimacy etc and it is not the act that determines what one is doing but the state of mind that is the cause. If one is in their ego and believes and experiences that that is going to give them fulfilment and joy and completion and security and the love that they seek, well then they will experience all of the wants and needs and fears of lovemaking. And there will be no ultimate peace, joy or union in that experience. And yet, one could be with the same partner in the same evening and be in their right mind, and perform the same exact actions, yet with an entirely different frame of mind. So it is not the action, what one does, that determines whether they’re having a special relationship or a holy relationship it is the state of mind that one has within the relationship.
Does that make sense to you?
E:
Yes. That does make sense.
HS:
So, one is used to looking at form and judging it. The ego is used to seeing form and manipulating it. Manipulating it to meet its needs. To meet what it wants, what it fears etc. And yet when one is in their right mind all relationship has the same potential. The potential for joining, for union, for celebration, for connection. So one could be in a love relationship, a committed partner, and make love on a regular basis, have goals with this one on a regular basis, co-create with this one in everything that one would seek in a lifetime and yet only be in one’s right mind, only be speaking truth, sharing truth, having tenderness, intimacy, union, connection, celebration, friendship and wonderful lovemaking. And yet it is all a result of what comes naturally and spontaneously from a place of wholeness and completion and joy. That is certainly possible, and yet in the process how one comes to that is to continually restore themselves to their right mind while being in the relationship. So if you are fearful: to find healing and forgiveness. If you are feeling attached: to let go and surrender. If you are feeling disconnected or uncertain: to go within and connect, and seek guidance and inspiration. And you can continually restore yourself to your right mind throughout the challenges, throughout the fears, throughout the attachment throughout the worry, the confusion, the doubt etc. And keep moving into a place deeper and deeper and deeper of living in your right mind within the relationship. It is not that you must first completely be in your right mind and only create from that place for that is not very realistic. But what would be good is to be aware of when you are attached, when you are in fear, when you are trying to fulfil yourself from without and these types of things. And in those moments seek healing, seek correction of the mind, seek forgiveness of yourself and compassion for yourself for having those thoughts. Be gentle with yourself, kind with yourself, forgiving of yourself and then restore yourself to your right mind. And when you do, to then say, “How can we express love in this moment? How can I share love in this moment? How can I join with my partner in this moment, in this place of completion and joy?” And then you move one step into doing that and then another, then another and it is a process that unfolds. You will learn to relate to this one in a Holy Relationship over time, with practice and commitment. And you will slowly let go of old patterns and habits of being in a special relationship. And the important part is to be gentle with yourself in the process. Forgiving of yourself, compassionate of yourself, and it will be much easier indeed than either beating yourself up or turning the relationship off or shunning it in the meantime.
What does that sound like to you?
E:
Thank you.
What that makes me realise is that where I feel like I am is actually…it feels like there’s two people-there’s me and there’s him-and it feels like I know where I’m coming from but it feels like I don’t know where he’s coming from. Part of me is also saying “but you know that you’re connected, it’s not as though you are really separate.” Ultimately there is no separation, but the way I perceive it is that we do appear to be two separate people. I know that I have this dedication to aligning with the truth and it seems like I don’t know where he’s at. I seem to have judgments about how he appears to be in the world and also the fact that I don’t know if we’re really having a relationship or if it’s possible to have a relationship. Just that something happened. Specifically in this situation I feel like I have to do something, I have to ask him where he’s at. But then another part of me says well he should ask me where I’m at. On a question of action, what I actually do in my interaction with him leaves me feeling a bit confused. I don’t know if that makes any sense.
HS:
Yes. What you are wanting, ultimately for yourself, is to be in a Holy Relationship. In part, you would like to be in a Holy Relationship with someone who wants to be in one with you. You know that that is ultimately what you seek. You have the desire to be with someone who wants that as well. The challenge comes in when one does not appear to be seeking that or pursing that.
E:
I don’t know why I am afraid of that. I mean I don’t know why I am afraid of showing that. Being open about that being what I want, what I desire so that other people can see that.
HS:
You are afraid of committing to that verbally even within yourself, as well as with another, for fear that you may fail. It is the same; you fear that another will fail. You do not know if you can trust them. Even if they say that is what they want you will still doubt their ability to commit to that because you doubt your own ability to commit to it. It is only because you judge, each time you seem to fail. You think that when you catch yourself in being with the ego or thinking with the ego or acting out of it that you have failed or made a mistake. And yet the more you can compassionately accept that that is ok in that moment, that you can be loving and kind and forgiving to yourself, the more that you can give yourself that compassion and acceptance, the more you can extend that compassion and acceptance to another. The more that you can see that you are doing the best job that you can do, the more you will be able to extend that to another. And in this way there does not need to be perfection on your part, nor on another’s. It is an evolution, a process. And one that unfolds over time for both parties. A part of being in a lifetime relationship with one is coming to see that where they are is perfect. That whatever they are going through is perfect. That they don’t have to choose peace, and joy, and Holy Relationship in every moment, that the process of getting there is by going from one side of the clock to the other. It’s a back and forth. Recognising the ego and choosing differently. Experiencing the ego, becoming aware of it and choosing differently. And that does not need to happen in every second like a clock. It could happen every minute, every hour, every 24 hours etc. To where there is a consistent deepening and choosing and learning and growth. And the more that you can give that to yourself the more you can allow your partner that same graceful accepting evolution. And that is much more realistic than to think that one should commit so fervently that they must choose only to be in that place each and every day. And to have such expectations sets yourself up for failure in your own mind, and sets the other one up for failure in your own mind. And it will never be good enough, you will always be judging yourself. And the truth is that judgment can only come from the ego. The Holy Spirit does not judge you for experiencing the ego, for choosing the ego. It just lovingly joins you where you are and helps you to choose differently.
In many ways it is as if one is digging through the dirt and pulls out a diamond. The diamond is dirty, has ore around it, it needs to be polished. That is similar to the ego. One must uncover the ego, experience it, allow it to be there, be a witness to it and then polish it with one’s love, with one’s forgiveness with one’s kindness and grace. Then it becomes the diamond in the rough, it becomes your salvation, it becomes your freedom, your joy. In that way you are restored to your right mind but it does not come from judging the ore and the ugliness and the dirtiness of that rock. It comes from lovingly polishing it, being with it and extending only love to it, whether that be forgiveness or compassion or acceptance. In that way one is gracefully picking up the pieces of ore that either fall into one’s lap, or get dug up within one’s heart and mind and slowly polishing them and transforming them into the beautiful diamond that is at their source. So the more that you can accept this process and this path, the more that you can allow your partner to be where they’re at; tick tocking back and forth at their own pace, picking up ore at their own pace, polishing it at their own pace, and restoring themselves to their right mind at their own pace, just as the Holy Spirit does for you. Therefore you do not need to have certain expectations of another for you have let those expectations go of yourself and know that you are indeed doing the best you can in this moment.
How does that sound to you?
E:
That sounds that it makes a lot of sense. That would make a lot of difference if I can look at things in that way-to be engaged in the process. That speaks to where I am at, definitely.
HS:
When you go into fear about another’s behaviour, about another’s intentions, about what one may say or do, you can recognise that that fear is your opportunity for healing. It is not that you must work harder to get that person to commit, to choose, to convince you of their sincerity or their intentions, it is that in that moment you have just picked up a piece of ore, a raw diamond, and that is your opportunity to heal it. It is not to say that you can’t share that with another. You could say, “Look, I just recognised that I am afraid. I feel afraid that you don’t love me as I love you, or that you aren’t as committed as I am. It’s not that you need prove that to me, I am only acknowledging my own fears.” It is not that you would want to do this every day for that would be unpleasant for both of you. And yet there is nothing wrong with sharing your fears and your intentions. “My goal is to let go of this fear, to trust in both myself and in you and to have faith that all things will be perfect as they already are.” It is just an opportunity for your own healing. You may decide to communicate that and you may not. It does not matter; it is only the recognition of what it is. That it truly has nothing to do with the other.
E;
That really speaks strongly to me. Seeing the possibility of reacting that way, and seeing it in that light just makes me aware of the fact that on another level I am afraid that I don’t even have the right to have a conversation with him about how I’m feeling because that’s too intense or something. Because on the level of the world, there’s no clear sense of what kind of relationship even exists between us. There is a sense of fear around even addressing that. Although the idea of being able to say to him “I’m aware that I’m afraid you don’t feel the same way I do, but I know that that’s coming from me” is something I can see that I could get a lot from.
HS:
Yes, and there’s that fear of expressing these things to get him to do something. And yet if you only shared them from your own heart as if you were just saying “I want to feel closer to you and how I would like to do that is to share how I am feeling and what I am thinking and these types of things, but I am afraid that by opening myself up that I may push you away, or that it may complicate things.” And it is not that you are asking him to do anything, it is that you just want to share your heart, your emotions with him, because you are opening up to doing so and it feels inspiring and connecting. And that you are uncertain or nervous of doing so but you feel as if you are being called to do so (or whatever it may be) but when you communicate from just what’s going on with you there’s no expectation of him. Someone may tell someone how they’re feeling so that the other person can fix it or come back and reassure them that they do love them, they do want to be with them, and the intentions are still coming from the ego. But when one truly just shares from their heart about what they are feeling and their own fears or concerns, and hopes and dreams with no expectation for the other that is when true healing happens for both of you. You are not asking him to be in a special relationship, or a co-dependent relationship in that moment, you are just being vulnerable and sharing and that is it. That intention can be shared in such a way that he is clear you are not asking anything of him in that moment. And if he is clear about that, it opens him up to just being a listener as opposed to a healer or a fixer.
E:
Yes. That’s a completely different way of looking at it and it seems strange that I couldn’t see that before. That makes a huge amount of sense.
HS:
This one who shares these words with you spends time doing something similar with his wife. One night a week they just share how they’re feeling and what’s going on with them in general, and the other one just listens and that’s it. And when they’re finished they acknowledge that they heard that person, and then they move on with their evening. There’s no solving of the emotions or whatnot because it is truly not about the other person it is just an opportunity to share what one is feeling and thinking. And yet, when one has that intention on both sides; to just share and not fix, both sides are off the hook to solve, and what ends up happening is that the emotions just fall away anyway. Just like the ego, when one acknowledges the ego without judging it, without fixing it, without making it go away etc. it’s just allowed to be-and it that moment one is in a Holy Relationship with that thought, with that emotion. By the mere fact of being in a Holy Relationship with it, it just dissolves and returns to what it truly is-which is Love. It is a different way of sharing one’s feelings and yet you can certainly set the stage with your partner to just allow you to share what is happening with you, with no expectation of them.
E:
Thank you very much. That really helps.
HS:
It was originally thought that you would share a situation, share your understanding of truth and that we would bridge the gap. Does that seem to have happened for you in this particular situation?
E:
Yes it does. The gap was crossed when you pointed out that I’m not asking anything at that point: when I’m sharing how I’m feeling and simply stating an intention to express my feeling. Knowing that when I’m doing that I’m not doing it in order for anything to be fixed or expecting something back. I now know that is possible and I can see that in my minds eye, and therefore it’s possible for me to interact with that person in such a way as I’m not asking for something, and I’m not afraid that there’s something I’m not going to get that I need, or afraid that I’m going to become dependent upon that person. It does always come down to fear or love, clearly, and that’s where the fear is, I think, judging myself harshly and saying “I’m obviously going to fall down on the side of the ego, I’m going to want something from that person that they can’t give and I’m going to feel bad because of that.” And being able to see a situation where that doesn’t have to happen, in a specific way, frees me up from that fear- knowing that that isn’t true.
HS:
Yes. Wonderful. Do you have more of a question about any of that?
E:
About that specific situation, no I don’t think so because it really feels like that shifted the emphasis for me.
HS:
Do you have another example that you would like to discuss?
E:
Yes there is another example I’d like to share with you; maybe it’s related to what you were just talking about. Several times I’ve done lessons from ACIM and each time I do it I seem to have a block around the review sections. I don’t understand why that is: that there seems to be a huge amount of resistance about doing the review sections. I’m not sure if there’s anything you could share with me that would make it any clearer as to why that happens and if there’s a way to work through that resistance.
HS:
Thank you for your question. In this particular case you are wanting truth so badly that there is a momentum within you to just keep moving forward, to just keep taking it in, moving deeper, moving further, moving to the next step as if the next step will always be that key piece, that next evolutionary step. In some ways there is the thought within you that by reviewing and slowing down you are not moving forward, you are just going over what you, technically, have already done. It’s as if you’ve checked those items off your to do list and you’ve forgotten about them and it’s time to just keep moving forward. When, in fact, there is no end to it. Even if you are making a choice today you will still be making a choice tomorrow and every day for the rest of your life: to be in your right mind, to be the presence of Love, to be forgiving. It will be a continual process, and in that way whether you are on step 29 or 356, or your fifth time through the workbook the choice is always the same, the outcome is always the same. It is just a shift into your right mind. And the more you make it, regardless of which lesson you’re on, how many times you’ve done the course, or where you’re at in your life, it is the same; it is equal. There is no destination; there is only the journey. That is why one wrote the book The Journey Without End. It is truly the path and the process that is the ultimate destination. So for you to, once again, allow yourself to have that ebb and flow. To know that momentum forward and progression forward does not have to look a certain way. It is just being present in this moment, and embracing what is before you; that is both the journey and the destination. When you see that both the journey and the destination are the same you can allow yourself to review, knowing that you are not going back, you are not stagnating, you are not wasting time but you are truly moving forward-as if you were moving forward with any other choice, any other day.
Does that make any sense to you?
E:
Yes it does. Again, it underlines being gentle, and not judging, ebb and flow, tides coming and going, accepting the whole process.
HS:
Yes, and knowing that the ebb and the flow are both a part of the journey, and are both a part of the destination. It’s not that if you have more ebb or more flow you win. One cannot exist without the other and in truth they both co-exist together. You cannot have the diamond unless you find the piece of ore. It is why the ego was invented in the first place. For the One to awaken to its Oneness, to the experience of its Oneness, it was necessary to forget. In that way the forgetting becomes the means by which one remembers. It is just as holy an endeavour as the remembering, for if one does not wholly forget one cannot wholly remember.
Does that make sense to you?
E:
Yes.
HS:
So although you think that finding the ego, experiencing the ego, acknowledging the ego is somehow less than choosing Right Mindedness, or Peace, or Love, that is in truth not true. For one could not happen without the other. God’s child, in truth, celebrated the opportunity to become separate, so that it could indeed celebrate the opportunity to experience and remember its Oneness. The more that you can fully have that Holy Relationship with the ego, there is truly nothing that you can’t have a Holy Relationship with.
E:
Actually, I’d never heard that phrase before: “Having a Holy Relationship with the ego.” I like that.
HS:
That is what the Holy Spirit is having in every moment. It perceives all of it and yet only has a Holy Relationship with it; only knows the Truth, only extends kindness, love, compassion, forgiveness, peace, understanding.
E:
Wow. That’s a great phrase- Holy Relationship with the ego.
HS:
That is when your journey will become a gentle one and filled only with grace. There will be no guilt; there will be no fear. You will merely just BE in Holy Relationship. And that is truly when the ego will disappear, for you will be in Holy Relationship with everything, and you will see no distinction because there is no distinction in your experience; it is constant.
E:
That’s beautiful. Thank you.
HS:
Do you have more of a question about that?
E:
No.
HS:
Do you have any other examples that you would like to share or bring up?
E:
Yes, there was one more, which I would like to discuss which is connected with the body. An apparent physical manifestation of something or other connected with the throat. Tension or spasm in the throat. It comes and goes but it’s come quite strongly recently, the last 3 or 4 days. I also find a lot of useful ideas in Mary Baker Eddy, so my understanding is that all apparent physical results are connected to an idea, they represent an idea. I have had experience in the past of having a physical symptom and sitting with Science and Health and looking at the ideas in it and having the realisation that the physical symptom has absolutely no power in it to alter the truth of who I am. Therefore knowing in that moment that the symptom didn’t have to disappear to know that it had no power over me. That was a great experience I had a number of times. With this particular apparent physical symptom I seem to get a bit stuck with it. The other day I decided to sit in meditation upon it for a while and went through the experience of the physical sensation of it shifting around a lot but never really releasing. And for some reason it seems to be difficult to let go of this one so I was wondering if there was any guidance you could offer in connection with that.
HS:
Thank you Precious One. It is indeed a wonderful truth you have given yourself; that one’s symptoms, are symbolic of a particular thought within the mind and that they indeed do not impact the truth of who you are. To have that knowledge is true freedom, for what happens to the body, or in the world -in truth- does not impact you in any way: your true self, your true nature. In terms of changing that thought -so to speak- there are many ways that one can go about doing that and of course changing the thought itself still has no ultimate impact upon the truth of who you are though it may impact your worldly experience. One could merely choose to keep that symptom and do nothing about it, and know that they remain as God created them to be because they are not the body, but truly the Light and Life within that is ever present and changeless. Or, one could somehow visualise a certain situation or symptom free outlook and manifest that through their thinking, their thoughts. One could somehow get to the source of that thought, and through forgiveness or extending love or these types of things, choose to alter that thought. And in truth one could go to a doctor and take something as a symbolic intention of changing that thought. There are many ways that one can manifest in the world. Ultimately it is all done within the mind, even if one is thinking that a pill or a doctor is outside of the mind it is not. It is merely symbolic of one’s choice to choose differently. What is important for you is to determine what you want. In either case remember that you are as God created you to be and will remain so regardless of this thought within the mind that produces this specific result. Whether you get rid of this thought or not does not change a thing, it just means that a thought has been changed. That is it. You are not the thought either way. So you can choose to heal this through meditation, through forgiveness, through seeing it for what it is, through a doctor or through time and patience- it may go away on it’s own. There are many, many ways to change this, and what is important to recognise is that no matter what you do in the world it cannot change who you are. So whether you keep it or whether you let it go is inconsequential to fulfilling your purpose, being whole and complete, being the truth of who you are. Because all of these things already exist, they already are true. So your real question is “What do I want?” And to honour what you want, not because one is more spiritual than another, you’re being more evolved depending on what decision you make over another or any of those types of belief systems. They do not serve you. It is just to recognise that you have the freedom to choose what you want, and you can go about that in any way that you want. It is not a reflection of who you are it is just what you are choosing to experience in the moment.
E:
That’s very helpful. It’s one of those subtle things. Having had that experience twice of using the ideas from Mary Baker Eddy and experiencing healing as a result it’s easy to fall into a trap of thinking that’s the right way of doing it. As you say there’s the way of asking “What is it that I want?” To acknowledge that there is an unchangeable aspect that is completely unaffected by either it going away, or staying, or by any decision which is made on the level of how to heal it. And if what I want is to acknowledge that there’s something which is unchanging throughout all of those scenarios and that none of them is better or worse than another then that is a completely different perspective which I was kind of missing before.
HS:
You got it. That was exactly what was said.
E:
So that’s really helpful, as I hadn’t seen that perspective before.
HS:
It gives you the freedom and the acknowledgment that you are what you are, and that what you do in the world cannot change that or alter that in any way. And you have freedom to be and do what you want without any consequence of changing who you are. And that is when you live guiltless and free, being the Child of God that you are.
E:
It’s just funny. It’s so easy to get caught in thinking that the form is the content and it’s not- it really isn’t. I just see where I did that with Mary Baker Eddy, getting caught in thinking that was the answer but that’s not the answer! It’s not the words, it’s not the form, it’s not the book, it’s not the way you go about it, it’s beyond all of that and that’s what I’d kind of forgotten.
HS:
You’re right on track Precious One. You’re doing a really wonderful job of integrating this truth into the world and you can see in this moment that you’re in a place of truth and there are no distinctions. Your original desire for this session was to bring the absolute truth that you know to be true into the world and see that there is no separation and that is what you have achieved in this moment. And when you forget this truth, or not forget, but you move out of your right mind and you have that ebb, it is to Love yourself back into it. Not by dealing with the ebb with the ego, through judgements, and shoulds, and have to’s and “something’s wrong” and “now I’m guilty.” Even if you have all of those thoughts how can you extend Love and compassion and Forgiveness and Peace and Grace to those thoughts of the ego- to yourself, and lovingly move back into this place of knowingness, this place of Truth? You do not need to be afraid of losing this state of mind. You do not need to be afraid of falling out of it. For if you can lovingly restore yourself there by extending Love and Forgiveness and Compassion to yourself and all of the thoughts that may arise what is the hurt in having them arise in the first place? They do not impact you. They do not take away the truth of who you are. They are merely the opportunity in that moment to choose once again. To be the presence of Love once again- toward yourself and toward the thoughts. Then you will naturally find yourself back in this place that you are in this moment. A place of oneness, and certainty, and knowingness, and freedom. It can be a very simple and direct back and forth between the two that need not be difficult and filled with very little guilt and fear. You are doing a tremendous job of integrating this truth you would not be here in this moment joined with us in your right mind and experiencing the world from this perspective if you were not ready for it, if you had not done and made this journey thousands of times beforehand. This was merely a simple reminder of how easy it can be. It will certainly become easier and easier as you practice this way of restoring yourself to that which is true within you.
Do you have any more questions you would like to ask?
E:
No. I’m just very happy.
HS:
Life is indeed very simple when one is in their right mind. There are very few questions; there is clarity, simplicity, ease. As you begin to relate to the world, to yourself, to the thoughts within the mind, to the ego and to everything with this perspective and you practice being in Holy Relationship with everyone and everything including the thoughts and emotions that arise within you, you are not only fully enjoying the journey but you are at the destination at the same time. You are being in Holy Relationship with all of it. In that way there is nowhere to go, nothing to accomplish because you have already arrived. You are truly being the Holy Spirit in that moment. Being the presence of Love in the world. You are truly already there and we are grateful to be with you on this journey.
E:
I’m grateful too, thank you very much.
HS:
Thank you for being with us today, we Love you dearly and we are with you every step of the way.
Blessings to you Precious One.
Amen
E:
Amen.
Greetings and blessings to you Precious One. Indeed it is a joyous occasion to gather together with you in this way. Thank you so much for your courage, your desire, and your commitment to being the presence of Truth in the world. To not just understand the truth but truly have that awareness within the world, within what one perceives, and to be able to transcend the world’s perception and indeed enter that place of knowingness where there is no duality, only the knowingness of pure oneness, Love and Union with your Father.
You have done a wonderful job to wrap your mind around the Truth, to integrate that awareness into your mind, into your beliefs and into your perception. It is often the challenge for most to apply these truths to situations that are perceived with the ego. The ego is very good at proving its point, at convincing one that that perception is accurate, and it can be difficult in the beginning to see the misperception and to truly let that go and to bring truth to what appears to happen in the world. And yet once you lock that ability in it becomes easier and easier and easier to shift into that state of mind. And we can certainly work with you today to do just that.
What this one suggested is a good idea and will be helpful, and there will be other things that unfold during our time together in this way, and yet for now please feel free to share with this one, and yourself, a situation that you are experiencing, the understanding of truth that you have, and how those seem contradictory to you in this particular situation. Does that sound ok with you?
E:
Yes. So, I can immediately think of a specific situation, which I seem to be experiencing at the moment.
The child of God is what I want to see in every person who I interact with and in the past it’s been easier for me to say, in that respect, what I don’t want is a relationship with a person that’s a special relationship. That kind of sexual special relationship type of interaction that exists in the world. And it’s been easier for me to say that’s what I don’t want and therefore, in a sense, to avoid any possibility of getting caught up in that scenario. That’s quite easy for me to do that but I guess I’ve come to realise that that’s not the best way of bringing truth into the world- to say that’s what I don’t want and by avoiding that I’ll make sure that that doesn’t happen! So I feel that I’ve now opened the door to another way of looking at that apparent situation in the world.
So specifically what’s happened is that a person has appeared in my life who I’ve allowed that type of interaction to occur with. I’ve allowed the possibility of that. Having had, in the world’s eyes, that kind of connection with that person I then find myself confused about exactly what it is I’ve allowed to happen. It seems like the two things are mutually exclusive, being able to see that person as the Child of God (and in that sense the same as myself, and we’re equal in that respect) and yet having this physical situation, which the world defines in a completely different way. And then getting caught up in feelings that are associated with my identity as a person in the world. Feeling that that’s not what I want, but knowing I’m starting to relate to that person as somebody who can do things that will make me happy. Feeling that how they respond to me in the physical sense is important and that will be telling me about who I am, and how I am, and whether I am ok. And not wanting it to be like that but also not wanting to just push the whole thing away and say “Well in that I case I just close the door on that.” That’s my best description of the situation as I see it, I think- a specific situation.
HS:
Thank you very much for sharing that and it is indeed common when one is trying so hard to let go of the ego and the special relationship that the ego has with the world, while trying to integrate truth at the same time. What is often the case for many is that they perceive the action, or the result, or the manifestation of form as indicative of the ego, as coming from the ego. For example, when one talks about special relationships what one is describing is relating to the world through the ego. Where one is attached, controlled, manipulative, wanting, needing, dependent upon whatever the thing is. So if one is relating to a relationship through the ego’s eyes one must have that relationship to have peace. One must have the relationship be how they want, to have peace. One finds happiness in the form of just ‘A relationship’ and one is fearful of losing that relationship, and these types of things. That is how one would define a special relationship, when one is perceiving relationship in that way. Hoarding them, controlling them, afraid of losing them and seeking satisfaction and joy and completion in them. And yet that does not exclude having a relationship in your right mind. If one were to be in a relationship within their right mind a relationship would be a place of celebration, opportunity, sharing, joining, playing, partnership, mutual support, friendship and these types of things where one can be in the relationship and yet not see it as their source of joy, their source of completion, what gives them their connection etc but as an outcome of the joy, the connection, the peace, the completion that one already has within their heart and mind.
Sex itself…
One cannot look at a physical situation and know if it is coming from the ego or coming from one’s right mind or coming from a place of holiness, because the physical world has nothing to do with determining that. One could be in a relationship and be in the ego, and one could be in a relationship and be in their right mind. One can spontaneously make love with another from a place of joy, celebration, union, friendship, intimacy etc and it is not the act that determines what one is doing but the state of mind that is the cause. If one is in their ego and believes and experiences that that is going to give them fulfilment and joy and completion and security and the love that they seek, well then they will experience all of the wants and needs and fears of lovemaking. And there will be no ultimate peace, joy or union in that experience. And yet, one could be with the same partner in the same evening and be in their right mind, and perform the same exact actions, yet with an entirely different frame of mind. So it is not the action, what one does, that determines whether they’re having a special relationship or a holy relationship it is the state of mind that one has within the relationship.
Does that make sense to you?
E:
Yes. That does make sense.
HS:
So, one is used to looking at form and judging it. The ego is used to seeing form and manipulating it. Manipulating it to meet its needs. To meet what it wants, what it fears etc. And yet when one is in their right mind all relationship has the same potential. The potential for joining, for union, for celebration, for connection. So one could be in a love relationship, a committed partner, and make love on a regular basis, have goals with this one on a regular basis, co-create with this one in everything that one would seek in a lifetime and yet only be in one’s right mind, only be speaking truth, sharing truth, having tenderness, intimacy, union, connection, celebration, friendship and wonderful lovemaking. And yet it is all a result of what comes naturally and spontaneously from a place of wholeness and completion and joy. That is certainly possible, and yet in the process how one comes to that is to continually restore themselves to their right mind while being in the relationship. So if you are fearful: to find healing and forgiveness. If you are feeling attached: to let go and surrender. If you are feeling disconnected or uncertain: to go within and connect, and seek guidance and inspiration. And you can continually restore yourself to your right mind throughout the challenges, throughout the fears, throughout the attachment throughout the worry, the confusion, the doubt etc. And keep moving into a place deeper and deeper and deeper of living in your right mind within the relationship. It is not that you must first completely be in your right mind and only create from that place for that is not very realistic. But what would be good is to be aware of when you are attached, when you are in fear, when you are trying to fulfil yourself from without and these types of things. And in those moments seek healing, seek correction of the mind, seek forgiveness of yourself and compassion for yourself for having those thoughts. Be gentle with yourself, kind with yourself, forgiving of yourself and then restore yourself to your right mind. And when you do, to then say, “How can we express love in this moment? How can I share love in this moment? How can I join with my partner in this moment, in this place of completion and joy?” And then you move one step into doing that and then another, then another and it is a process that unfolds. You will learn to relate to this one in a Holy Relationship over time, with practice and commitment. And you will slowly let go of old patterns and habits of being in a special relationship. And the important part is to be gentle with yourself in the process. Forgiving of yourself, compassionate of yourself, and it will be much easier indeed than either beating yourself up or turning the relationship off or shunning it in the meantime.
What does that sound like to you?
E:
Thank you.
What that makes me realise is that where I feel like I am is actually…it feels like there’s two people-there’s me and there’s him-and it feels like I know where I’m coming from but it feels like I don’t know where he’s coming from. Part of me is also saying “but you know that you’re connected, it’s not as though you are really separate.” Ultimately there is no separation, but the way I perceive it is that we do appear to be two separate people. I know that I have this dedication to aligning with the truth and it seems like I don’t know where he’s at. I seem to have judgments about how he appears to be in the world and also the fact that I don’t know if we’re really having a relationship or if it’s possible to have a relationship. Just that something happened. Specifically in this situation I feel like I have to do something, I have to ask him where he’s at. But then another part of me says well he should ask me where I’m at. On a question of action, what I actually do in my interaction with him leaves me feeling a bit confused. I don’t know if that makes any sense.
HS:
Yes. What you are wanting, ultimately for yourself, is to be in a Holy Relationship. In part, you would like to be in a Holy Relationship with someone who wants to be in one with you. You know that that is ultimately what you seek. You have the desire to be with someone who wants that as well. The challenge comes in when one does not appear to be seeking that or pursing that.
E:
I don’t know why I am afraid of that. I mean I don’t know why I am afraid of showing that. Being open about that being what I want, what I desire so that other people can see that.
HS:
You are afraid of committing to that verbally even within yourself, as well as with another, for fear that you may fail. It is the same; you fear that another will fail. You do not know if you can trust them. Even if they say that is what they want you will still doubt their ability to commit to that because you doubt your own ability to commit to it. It is only because you judge, each time you seem to fail. You think that when you catch yourself in being with the ego or thinking with the ego or acting out of it that you have failed or made a mistake. And yet the more you can compassionately accept that that is ok in that moment, that you can be loving and kind and forgiving to yourself, the more that you can give yourself that compassion and acceptance, the more you can extend that compassion and acceptance to another. The more that you can see that you are doing the best job that you can do, the more you will be able to extend that to another. And in this way there does not need to be perfection on your part, nor on another’s. It is an evolution, a process. And one that unfolds over time for both parties. A part of being in a lifetime relationship with one is coming to see that where they are is perfect. That whatever they are going through is perfect. That they don’t have to choose peace, and joy, and Holy Relationship in every moment, that the process of getting there is by going from one side of the clock to the other. It’s a back and forth. Recognising the ego and choosing differently. Experiencing the ego, becoming aware of it and choosing differently. And that does not need to happen in every second like a clock. It could happen every minute, every hour, every 24 hours etc. To where there is a consistent deepening and choosing and learning and growth. And the more that you can give that to yourself the more you can allow your partner that same graceful accepting evolution. And that is much more realistic than to think that one should commit so fervently that they must choose only to be in that place each and every day. And to have such expectations sets yourself up for failure in your own mind, and sets the other one up for failure in your own mind. And it will never be good enough, you will always be judging yourself. And the truth is that judgment can only come from the ego. The Holy Spirit does not judge you for experiencing the ego, for choosing the ego. It just lovingly joins you where you are and helps you to choose differently.
In many ways it is as if one is digging through the dirt and pulls out a diamond. The diamond is dirty, has ore around it, it needs to be polished. That is similar to the ego. One must uncover the ego, experience it, allow it to be there, be a witness to it and then polish it with one’s love, with one’s forgiveness with one’s kindness and grace. Then it becomes the diamond in the rough, it becomes your salvation, it becomes your freedom, your joy. In that way you are restored to your right mind but it does not come from judging the ore and the ugliness and the dirtiness of that rock. It comes from lovingly polishing it, being with it and extending only love to it, whether that be forgiveness or compassion or acceptance. In that way one is gracefully picking up the pieces of ore that either fall into one’s lap, or get dug up within one’s heart and mind and slowly polishing them and transforming them into the beautiful diamond that is at their source. So the more that you can accept this process and this path, the more that you can allow your partner to be where they’re at; tick tocking back and forth at their own pace, picking up ore at their own pace, polishing it at their own pace, and restoring themselves to their right mind at their own pace, just as the Holy Spirit does for you. Therefore you do not need to have certain expectations of another for you have let those expectations go of yourself and know that you are indeed doing the best you can in this moment.
How does that sound to you?
E:
That sounds that it makes a lot of sense. That would make a lot of difference if I can look at things in that way-to be engaged in the process. That speaks to where I am at, definitely.
HS:
When you go into fear about another’s behaviour, about another’s intentions, about what one may say or do, you can recognise that that fear is your opportunity for healing. It is not that you must work harder to get that person to commit, to choose, to convince you of their sincerity or their intentions, it is that in that moment you have just picked up a piece of ore, a raw diamond, and that is your opportunity to heal it. It is not to say that you can’t share that with another. You could say, “Look, I just recognised that I am afraid. I feel afraid that you don’t love me as I love you, or that you aren’t as committed as I am. It’s not that you need prove that to me, I am only acknowledging my own fears.” It is not that you would want to do this every day for that would be unpleasant for both of you. And yet there is nothing wrong with sharing your fears and your intentions. “My goal is to let go of this fear, to trust in both myself and in you and to have faith that all things will be perfect as they already are.” It is just an opportunity for your own healing. You may decide to communicate that and you may not. It does not matter; it is only the recognition of what it is. That it truly has nothing to do with the other.
E;
That really speaks strongly to me. Seeing the possibility of reacting that way, and seeing it in that light just makes me aware of the fact that on another level I am afraid that I don’t even have the right to have a conversation with him about how I’m feeling because that’s too intense or something. Because on the level of the world, there’s no clear sense of what kind of relationship even exists between us. There is a sense of fear around even addressing that. Although the idea of being able to say to him “I’m aware that I’m afraid you don’t feel the same way I do, but I know that that’s coming from me” is something I can see that I could get a lot from.
HS:
Yes, and there’s that fear of expressing these things to get him to do something. And yet if you only shared them from your own heart as if you were just saying “I want to feel closer to you and how I would like to do that is to share how I am feeling and what I am thinking and these types of things, but I am afraid that by opening myself up that I may push you away, or that it may complicate things.” And it is not that you are asking him to do anything, it is that you just want to share your heart, your emotions with him, because you are opening up to doing so and it feels inspiring and connecting. And that you are uncertain or nervous of doing so but you feel as if you are being called to do so (or whatever it may be) but when you communicate from just what’s going on with you there’s no expectation of him. Someone may tell someone how they’re feeling so that the other person can fix it or come back and reassure them that they do love them, they do want to be with them, and the intentions are still coming from the ego. But when one truly just shares from their heart about what they are feeling and their own fears or concerns, and hopes and dreams with no expectation for the other that is when true healing happens for both of you. You are not asking him to be in a special relationship, or a co-dependent relationship in that moment, you are just being vulnerable and sharing and that is it. That intention can be shared in such a way that he is clear you are not asking anything of him in that moment. And if he is clear about that, it opens him up to just being a listener as opposed to a healer or a fixer.
E:
Yes. That’s a completely different way of looking at it and it seems strange that I couldn’t see that before. That makes a huge amount of sense.
HS:
This one who shares these words with you spends time doing something similar with his wife. One night a week they just share how they’re feeling and what’s going on with them in general, and the other one just listens and that’s it. And when they’re finished they acknowledge that they heard that person, and then they move on with their evening. There’s no solving of the emotions or whatnot because it is truly not about the other person it is just an opportunity to share what one is feeling and thinking. And yet, when one has that intention on both sides; to just share and not fix, both sides are off the hook to solve, and what ends up happening is that the emotions just fall away anyway. Just like the ego, when one acknowledges the ego without judging it, without fixing it, without making it go away etc. it’s just allowed to be-and it that moment one is in a Holy Relationship with that thought, with that emotion. By the mere fact of being in a Holy Relationship with it, it just dissolves and returns to what it truly is-which is Love. It is a different way of sharing one’s feelings and yet you can certainly set the stage with your partner to just allow you to share what is happening with you, with no expectation of them.
E:
Thank you very much. That really helps.
HS:
It was originally thought that you would share a situation, share your understanding of truth and that we would bridge the gap. Does that seem to have happened for you in this particular situation?
E:
Yes it does. The gap was crossed when you pointed out that I’m not asking anything at that point: when I’m sharing how I’m feeling and simply stating an intention to express my feeling. Knowing that when I’m doing that I’m not doing it in order for anything to be fixed or expecting something back. I now know that is possible and I can see that in my minds eye, and therefore it’s possible for me to interact with that person in such a way as I’m not asking for something, and I’m not afraid that there’s something I’m not going to get that I need, or afraid that I’m going to become dependent upon that person. It does always come down to fear or love, clearly, and that’s where the fear is, I think, judging myself harshly and saying “I’m obviously going to fall down on the side of the ego, I’m going to want something from that person that they can’t give and I’m going to feel bad because of that.” And being able to see a situation where that doesn’t have to happen, in a specific way, frees me up from that fear- knowing that that isn’t true.
HS:
Yes. Wonderful. Do you have more of a question about any of that?
E:
About that specific situation, no I don’t think so because it really feels like that shifted the emphasis for me.
HS:
Do you have another example that you would like to discuss?
E:
Yes there is another example I’d like to share with you; maybe it’s related to what you were just talking about. Several times I’ve done lessons from ACIM and each time I do it I seem to have a block around the review sections. I don’t understand why that is: that there seems to be a huge amount of resistance about doing the review sections. I’m not sure if there’s anything you could share with me that would make it any clearer as to why that happens and if there’s a way to work through that resistance.
HS:
Thank you for your question. In this particular case you are wanting truth so badly that there is a momentum within you to just keep moving forward, to just keep taking it in, moving deeper, moving further, moving to the next step as if the next step will always be that key piece, that next evolutionary step. In some ways there is the thought within you that by reviewing and slowing down you are not moving forward, you are just going over what you, technically, have already done. It’s as if you’ve checked those items off your to do list and you’ve forgotten about them and it’s time to just keep moving forward. When, in fact, there is no end to it. Even if you are making a choice today you will still be making a choice tomorrow and every day for the rest of your life: to be in your right mind, to be the presence of Love, to be forgiving. It will be a continual process, and in that way whether you are on step 29 or 356, or your fifth time through the workbook the choice is always the same, the outcome is always the same. It is just a shift into your right mind. And the more you make it, regardless of which lesson you’re on, how many times you’ve done the course, or where you’re at in your life, it is the same; it is equal. There is no destination; there is only the journey. That is why one wrote the book The Journey Without End. It is truly the path and the process that is the ultimate destination. So for you to, once again, allow yourself to have that ebb and flow. To know that momentum forward and progression forward does not have to look a certain way. It is just being present in this moment, and embracing what is before you; that is both the journey and the destination. When you see that both the journey and the destination are the same you can allow yourself to review, knowing that you are not going back, you are not stagnating, you are not wasting time but you are truly moving forward-as if you were moving forward with any other choice, any other day.
Does that make any sense to you?
E:
Yes it does. Again, it underlines being gentle, and not judging, ebb and flow, tides coming and going, accepting the whole process.
HS:
Yes, and knowing that the ebb and the flow are both a part of the journey, and are both a part of the destination. It’s not that if you have more ebb or more flow you win. One cannot exist without the other and in truth they both co-exist together. You cannot have the diamond unless you find the piece of ore. It is why the ego was invented in the first place. For the One to awaken to its Oneness, to the experience of its Oneness, it was necessary to forget. In that way the forgetting becomes the means by which one remembers. It is just as holy an endeavour as the remembering, for if one does not wholly forget one cannot wholly remember.
Does that make sense to you?
E:
Yes.
HS:
So although you think that finding the ego, experiencing the ego, acknowledging the ego is somehow less than choosing Right Mindedness, or Peace, or Love, that is in truth not true. For one could not happen without the other. God’s child, in truth, celebrated the opportunity to become separate, so that it could indeed celebrate the opportunity to experience and remember its Oneness. The more that you can fully have that Holy Relationship with the ego, there is truly nothing that you can’t have a Holy Relationship with.
E:
Actually, I’d never heard that phrase before: “Having a Holy Relationship with the ego.” I like that.
HS:
That is what the Holy Spirit is having in every moment. It perceives all of it and yet only has a Holy Relationship with it; only knows the Truth, only extends kindness, love, compassion, forgiveness, peace, understanding.
E:
Wow. That’s a great phrase- Holy Relationship with the ego.
HS:
That is when your journey will become a gentle one and filled only with grace. There will be no guilt; there will be no fear. You will merely just BE in Holy Relationship. And that is truly when the ego will disappear, for you will be in Holy Relationship with everything, and you will see no distinction because there is no distinction in your experience; it is constant.
E:
That’s beautiful. Thank you.
HS:
Do you have more of a question about that?
E:
No.
HS:
Do you have any other examples that you would like to share or bring up?
E:
Yes, there was one more, which I would like to discuss which is connected with the body. An apparent physical manifestation of something or other connected with the throat. Tension or spasm in the throat. It comes and goes but it’s come quite strongly recently, the last 3 or 4 days. I also find a lot of useful ideas in Mary Baker Eddy, so my understanding is that all apparent physical results are connected to an idea, they represent an idea. I have had experience in the past of having a physical symptom and sitting with Science and Health and looking at the ideas in it and having the realisation that the physical symptom has absolutely no power in it to alter the truth of who I am. Therefore knowing in that moment that the symptom didn’t have to disappear to know that it had no power over me. That was a great experience I had a number of times. With this particular apparent physical symptom I seem to get a bit stuck with it. The other day I decided to sit in meditation upon it for a while and went through the experience of the physical sensation of it shifting around a lot but never really releasing. And for some reason it seems to be difficult to let go of this one so I was wondering if there was any guidance you could offer in connection with that.
HS:
Thank you Precious One. It is indeed a wonderful truth you have given yourself; that one’s symptoms, are symbolic of a particular thought within the mind and that they indeed do not impact the truth of who you are. To have that knowledge is true freedom, for what happens to the body, or in the world -in truth- does not impact you in any way: your true self, your true nature. In terms of changing that thought -so to speak- there are many ways that one can go about doing that and of course changing the thought itself still has no ultimate impact upon the truth of who you are though it may impact your worldly experience. One could merely choose to keep that symptom and do nothing about it, and know that they remain as God created them to be because they are not the body, but truly the Light and Life within that is ever present and changeless. Or, one could somehow visualise a certain situation or symptom free outlook and manifest that through their thinking, their thoughts. One could somehow get to the source of that thought, and through forgiveness or extending love or these types of things, choose to alter that thought. And in truth one could go to a doctor and take something as a symbolic intention of changing that thought. There are many ways that one can manifest in the world. Ultimately it is all done within the mind, even if one is thinking that a pill or a doctor is outside of the mind it is not. It is merely symbolic of one’s choice to choose differently. What is important for you is to determine what you want. In either case remember that you are as God created you to be and will remain so regardless of this thought within the mind that produces this specific result. Whether you get rid of this thought or not does not change a thing, it just means that a thought has been changed. That is it. You are not the thought either way. So you can choose to heal this through meditation, through forgiveness, through seeing it for what it is, through a doctor or through time and patience- it may go away on it’s own. There are many, many ways to change this, and what is important to recognise is that no matter what you do in the world it cannot change who you are. So whether you keep it or whether you let it go is inconsequential to fulfilling your purpose, being whole and complete, being the truth of who you are. Because all of these things already exist, they already are true. So your real question is “What do I want?” And to honour what you want, not because one is more spiritual than another, you’re being more evolved depending on what decision you make over another or any of those types of belief systems. They do not serve you. It is just to recognise that you have the freedom to choose what you want, and you can go about that in any way that you want. It is not a reflection of who you are it is just what you are choosing to experience in the moment.
E:
That’s very helpful. It’s one of those subtle things. Having had that experience twice of using the ideas from Mary Baker Eddy and experiencing healing as a result it’s easy to fall into a trap of thinking that’s the right way of doing it. As you say there’s the way of asking “What is it that I want?” To acknowledge that there is an unchangeable aspect that is completely unaffected by either it going away, or staying, or by any decision which is made on the level of how to heal it. And if what I want is to acknowledge that there’s something which is unchanging throughout all of those scenarios and that none of them is better or worse than another then that is a completely different perspective which I was kind of missing before.
HS:
You got it. That was exactly what was said.
E:
So that’s really helpful, as I hadn’t seen that perspective before.
HS:
It gives you the freedom and the acknowledgment that you are what you are, and that what you do in the world cannot change that or alter that in any way. And you have freedom to be and do what you want without any consequence of changing who you are. And that is when you live guiltless and free, being the Child of God that you are.
E:
It’s just funny. It’s so easy to get caught in thinking that the form is the content and it’s not- it really isn’t. I just see where I did that with Mary Baker Eddy, getting caught in thinking that was the answer but that’s not the answer! It’s not the words, it’s not the form, it’s not the book, it’s not the way you go about it, it’s beyond all of that and that’s what I’d kind of forgotten.
HS:
You’re right on track Precious One. You’re doing a really wonderful job of integrating this truth into the world and you can see in this moment that you’re in a place of truth and there are no distinctions. Your original desire for this session was to bring the absolute truth that you know to be true into the world and see that there is no separation and that is what you have achieved in this moment. And when you forget this truth, or not forget, but you move out of your right mind and you have that ebb, it is to Love yourself back into it. Not by dealing with the ebb with the ego, through judgements, and shoulds, and have to’s and “something’s wrong” and “now I’m guilty.” Even if you have all of those thoughts how can you extend Love and compassion and Forgiveness and Peace and Grace to those thoughts of the ego- to yourself, and lovingly move back into this place of knowingness, this place of Truth? You do not need to be afraid of losing this state of mind. You do not need to be afraid of falling out of it. For if you can lovingly restore yourself there by extending Love and Forgiveness and Compassion to yourself and all of the thoughts that may arise what is the hurt in having them arise in the first place? They do not impact you. They do not take away the truth of who you are. They are merely the opportunity in that moment to choose once again. To be the presence of Love once again- toward yourself and toward the thoughts. Then you will naturally find yourself back in this place that you are in this moment. A place of oneness, and certainty, and knowingness, and freedom. It can be a very simple and direct back and forth between the two that need not be difficult and filled with very little guilt and fear. You are doing a tremendous job of integrating this truth you would not be here in this moment joined with us in your right mind and experiencing the world from this perspective if you were not ready for it, if you had not done and made this journey thousands of times beforehand. This was merely a simple reminder of how easy it can be. It will certainly become easier and easier as you practice this way of restoring yourself to that which is true within you.
Do you have any more questions you would like to ask?
E:
No. I’m just very happy.
HS:
Life is indeed very simple when one is in their right mind. There are very few questions; there is clarity, simplicity, ease. As you begin to relate to the world, to yourself, to the thoughts within the mind, to the ego and to everything with this perspective and you practice being in Holy Relationship with everyone and everything including the thoughts and emotions that arise within you, you are not only fully enjoying the journey but you are at the destination at the same time. You are being in Holy Relationship with all of it. In that way there is nowhere to go, nothing to accomplish because you have already arrived. You are truly being the Holy Spirit in that moment. Being the presence of Love in the world. You are truly already there and we are grateful to be with you on this journey.
E:
I’m grateful too, thank you very much.
HS:
Thank you for being with us today, we Love you dearly and we are with you every step of the way.
Blessings to you Precious One.
Amen
E:
Amen.
4 May 2007
Compassion
A lack of access to the internet has meant a rather long absence of posts!
I would like to share something which I wrote at work a couple of days ago. It followed a phone session which I had with DavidPaul Doyle (see the link to the Voice For Love website.) This session was extremely helpful to me and I found that the ideas shared in this conversation had immediate practical application. The words below were emphasising one of the main ideas- that a right minded response to perceiving the ego brings only Love and Compassion to bear upon such thoughts and misperceptions. I "knew" this on an intellectual level, of course, but by talking about specific situations I began to realise the extent to which there is a habitual way of responding to ideas which are labelled as "ego" with judgment. Compassion became a real and practical alternative to simply attempting to avoid any situation which is likely to be perceived through the lens of the ego.
Another thing to mention is that I typed the message below with my eyes closed (yes, I touch type) and opened them to find one complete sentence in capitals. This fairly blew me away as I would have sworn there was NO possibility of such a thing having happened- and yet there were the words on the screen infront of me. It was a marvellous moment of feeling the Holy Spirit reaching out and tapping me on the shoulder, so to speak!
2.5.07
Commitment
I am committed to bringing the Truth which I know to be true into practice on a daily basis.
I am committed to asking the Holy Spirit for guidance on how best to bring Truth into practice. I acknowledge that I do not always perceive my own best interests but that I would rather be happy than be right in any mistaken perception that I hold.
I UNDERSTAND THAT THE FIRST STEP IS TO FEEL COMPASSION TOWARD MY SELF. Where I am is perfect and the only response to any lack of love is to extend Love. If I am perceiving the ego then the correct response is to extend Love. If I have willingness to do so I can ask for help from the Holy Spirit.
Thank you, Holy Spirit, for being with me now and forever more. Today I would hear Your voice and look upon the ego with compassion, understanding that denial or suppression is not necessary or helpful. I need only watch and know that You are with me.
Amen.
I would like to share something which I wrote at work a couple of days ago. It followed a phone session which I had with DavidPaul Doyle (see the link to the Voice For Love website.) This session was extremely helpful to me and I found that the ideas shared in this conversation had immediate practical application. The words below were emphasising one of the main ideas- that a right minded response to perceiving the ego brings only Love and Compassion to bear upon such thoughts and misperceptions. I "knew" this on an intellectual level, of course, but by talking about specific situations I began to realise the extent to which there is a habitual way of responding to ideas which are labelled as "ego" with judgment. Compassion became a real and practical alternative to simply attempting to avoid any situation which is likely to be perceived through the lens of the ego.
Another thing to mention is that I typed the message below with my eyes closed (yes, I touch type) and opened them to find one complete sentence in capitals. This fairly blew me away as I would have sworn there was NO possibility of such a thing having happened- and yet there were the words on the screen infront of me. It was a marvellous moment of feeling the Holy Spirit reaching out and tapping me on the shoulder, so to speak!
2.5.07
Commitment
I am committed to bringing the Truth which I know to be true into practice on a daily basis.
I am committed to asking the Holy Spirit for guidance on how best to bring Truth into practice. I acknowledge that I do not always perceive my own best interests but that I would rather be happy than be right in any mistaken perception that I hold.
I UNDERSTAND THAT THE FIRST STEP IS TO FEEL COMPASSION TOWARD MY SELF. Where I am is perfect and the only response to any lack of love is to extend Love. If I am perceiving the ego then the correct response is to extend Love. If I have willingness to do so I can ask for help from the Holy Spirit.
Thank you, Holy Spirit, for being with me now and forever more. Today I would hear Your voice and look upon the ego with compassion, understanding that denial or suppression is not necessary or helpful. I need only watch and know that You are with me.
Amen.
7 March 2007
To know thy Self, to thy own Self be true
That title is taken from the Holy Spirits interpretation of the book of James in the New Testament, as documented by Regina Dawn Akers on her site www.forholyspirit.org. Tonight I asked to be guided to a page on her site that would help me in prayer. As I read the book of James the quote given stood out as though written in huge letters! I felt moved to write a post documenting my response to the reading of the book of James (which talks a lot about desire) and in particular that statement...
To be true to my Self is to follow my true desire. My true desire is to know my Self As I Am. This involves knowing my Self as I was created. As I am not the author of my Self it is not for me to decide the outcome of this desire. My only task then is to be aware of this desire. To allow this desire to surface, to be acknowleged and to really embrace this desire so that it fills all awareness. As I allow this desire to surface I feel a strength born of humility coming to the foreground.
Father, speak to me of the Truth of my creation
For I have longed for this moment ever since the idea of time was born
I am your humble servant
Let the entire foundation of my thought be built upon Your Loving Presence
May my willingness serve to glorify All that You are
That Your Word might find expression through me
I am That which you extend through me
You are my One Parent
I am your One Child
Speak to me Father of the day of my creation
I would hear the words You would speak
Only You know the Truth of my being
As I lift up my eyes
to gaze upon Your Loving Countenance
I am open to receive Your Word
I would have ears to hear
That I might know the Truth
For that is my One desire
Amen
To be true to my Self is to follow my true desire. My true desire is to know my Self As I Am. This involves knowing my Self as I was created. As I am not the author of my Self it is not for me to decide the outcome of this desire. My only task then is to be aware of this desire. To allow this desire to surface, to be acknowleged and to really embrace this desire so that it fills all awareness. As I allow this desire to surface I feel a strength born of humility coming to the foreground.
Father, speak to me of the Truth of my creation
For I have longed for this moment ever since the idea of time was born
I am your humble servant
Let the entire foundation of my thought be built upon Your Loving Presence
May my willingness serve to glorify All that You are
That Your Word might find expression through me
I am That which you extend through me
You are my One Parent
I am your One Child
Speak to me Father of the day of my creation
I would hear the words You would speak
Only You know the Truth of my being
As I lift up my eyes
to gaze upon Your Loving Countenance
I am open to receive Your Word
I would have ears to hear
That I might know the Truth
For that is my One desire
Amen
2 March 2007
When the rains come, the streams rise and the winds blow...
I am grateful that the physical arena can mirror thoughts that need to be exposed and released. Through looking at physical ‘symptoms’ I am able to uncover what beliefs I must mistakenly be holding.
For example:
Over the last two days I appear to have been experiencing a sense of ‘strain’ in my upper left arm. In the first instance I dismissed it as such a ‘mild’ sensation that it did not warrant a closer look. I had the thought that it was bound to disappear as quickly as it came. I could not identify when the feeling first arose and so it was not linked with any particular event in my mind.
It was not until a day and a half later that I bothered to pay any more attention to the sensation and this time the thought was more like “oh, so you’ve not gone away yet then- perhaps there is something wrong.” It was only at this point that I tried to identify the sensation more precisely. Once I ‘bothered’ to do this it was quite clear to me that if I had to describe it then I would use the word strain. Having identified the sensation I was able to reframe my experience.
“I choose to state that there is no strain involved in being the reflection of my Creator. My prayer is one of thankfulness for the ease of the existence given me by Love. Love denies nothing to its extension therefore ease is in my nature.”
Any appearance or sensation from the physical universe that would appear to contradict this experience of ease is merely an attempt to convince that there is another source of creation. I do not believe this to be true. Love is All. In this way the apparent experience of ‘strain’ in a muscle is merely an opportunity to allow the thought of strain to surface and be looked upon without fear, safe in the knowledge that it has no foundation in truth.
Another thing I am learning from this experience is that even the smallest apparently insignificant twinge is untrue and to be released to the light. To decide that it is too minor to be addressed is to allow the thought that something unlike Love can make its home in Love’s abode. This cannot be true and so on one level to accept a ‘minor’ ache is no different to accepting, for example, a broken bone; they are equally without solid foundation.
While the sensation of strain still presents itself I am grateful for the opportunity to reaffirm that which I hold to be true. As I affirm this truth I come more into alignment with the source of All inspired thought. I am grateful for this opportunity to experience a sensation that is the result of a mistaken thought and whilst doing so reaffirm my commitment to build my house “on the rock.”
Matthew 7:25-27 (New International Version)
(25)The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. (26)But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. (27)The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."
For example:
Over the last two days I appear to have been experiencing a sense of ‘strain’ in my upper left arm. In the first instance I dismissed it as such a ‘mild’ sensation that it did not warrant a closer look. I had the thought that it was bound to disappear as quickly as it came. I could not identify when the feeling first arose and so it was not linked with any particular event in my mind.
It was not until a day and a half later that I bothered to pay any more attention to the sensation and this time the thought was more like “oh, so you’ve not gone away yet then- perhaps there is something wrong.” It was only at this point that I tried to identify the sensation more precisely. Once I ‘bothered’ to do this it was quite clear to me that if I had to describe it then I would use the word strain. Having identified the sensation I was able to reframe my experience.
“I choose to state that there is no strain involved in being the reflection of my Creator. My prayer is one of thankfulness for the ease of the existence given me by Love. Love denies nothing to its extension therefore ease is in my nature.”
Any appearance or sensation from the physical universe that would appear to contradict this experience of ease is merely an attempt to convince that there is another source of creation. I do not believe this to be true. Love is All. In this way the apparent experience of ‘strain’ in a muscle is merely an opportunity to allow the thought of strain to surface and be looked upon without fear, safe in the knowledge that it has no foundation in truth.
Another thing I am learning from this experience is that even the smallest apparently insignificant twinge is untrue and to be released to the light. To decide that it is too minor to be addressed is to allow the thought that something unlike Love can make its home in Love’s abode. This cannot be true and so on one level to accept a ‘minor’ ache is no different to accepting, for example, a broken bone; they are equally without solid foundation.
While the sensation of strain still presents itself I am grateful for the opportunity to reaffirm that which I hold to be true. As I affirm this truth I come more into alignment with the source of All inspired thought. I am grateful for this opportunity to experience a sensation that is the result of a mistaken thought and whilst doing so reaffirm my commitment to build my house “on the rock.”
Matthew 7:25-27 (New International Version)
(25)The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. (26)But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. (27)The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."
22 February 2007
The Lord's Prayer
I have recently spent a few days away in the North of England with my sister and during the train journey home I felt moved to look at the words of the Lord's Prayer in a new light. In the past I had always seen the prayer as contrasting two different states of Heaven and Earth, drawing a clear boundary between God (in Heaven) and those of us here on Earth. I also tended to think of the words as asking "Please do this for us" as though to ask for forgiveness where it is not deserved.
As I opened up to the possibility of hearing the message in a different way I found another way of listening to the words. This new way of looking at the message left me with a great feeling of connection. Suddenly I felt the power of affirming this message at the start of every day.
Our Father
Who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
And deliver us from evil
For thine is the Kingdom
The power and the glory
Forever and ever
Amen.
Our Source
From which Truth extends
All Glory is yours
In Vision we see Truth everywhere
Seeking only to accept Your gifts freely given
In this moment we see that all errors in perception affect not what is true,
Just as the misperceptions of others affect not our identity in Christ
Today we ask the Holy Spirit to alert us to the presence of temptation
As we acknowledge that we no longer want our misperceptions
For all that is true and real comes from You
Thus has it been ever, and will it always be
Amen.
Love
The origin of All
Be praised
May your light shine where we thought we wanted it not
For the law of Love is all powerful, there is nowhere it cannot reach
It is not our will to turn away from Love
Attack in any form is a call for Love, being unaware of Your presence
Your Voice speaks only of Love
Reminding us to look within
For there we find Home
Place of Eternal peace
Amen.
Safety
Absence of fear
Is our natural state
To be revealed
When we remember to ask anew
You give the meaning to all actions
Ours and those of others
Without exceptions
We are Safe in Your care
United in Your Embrace
Never to be parted
Amen.
As I opened up to the possibility of hearing the message in a different way I found another way of listening to the words. This new way of looking at the message left me with a great feeling of connection. Suddenly I felt the power of affirming this message at the start of every day.
Our Father
Who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
And deliver us from evil
For thine is the Kingdom
The power and the glory
Forever and ever
Amen.
Our Source
From which Truth extends
All Glory is yours
In Vision we see Truth everywhere
Seeking only to accept Your gifts freely given
In this moment we see that all errors in perception affect not what is true,
Just as the misperceptions of others affect not our identity in Christ
Today we ask the Holy Spirit to alert us to the presence of temptation
As we acknowledge that we no longer want our misperceptions
For all that is true and real comes from You
Thus has it been ever, and will it always be
Amen.
Love
The origin of All
Be praised
May your light shine where we thought we wanted it not
For the law of Love is all powerful, there is nowhere it cannot reach
It is not our will to turn away from Love
Attack in any form is a call for Love, being unaware of Your presence
Your Voice speaks only of Love
Reminding us to look within
For there we find Home
Place of Eternal peace
Amen.
Safety
Absence of fear
Is our natural state
To be revealed
When we remember to ask anew
You give the meaning to all actions
Ours and those of others
Without exceptions
We are Safe in Your care
United in Your Embrace
Never to be parted
Amen.
14 February 2007
Look again
At work today I feel very restless and reach for the book Living with Grace by Beca Lewis which I happen to have in my bag. As I read the next couple of pages forward from where I am in the book I come across a list of questions and feel prompted to answer them according to how I feel in exactly that moment without stopping to censor the thoughts.
Who am I today?
An employee at V&G, a bookkeeper.
What am I thinking?
I want to do a good job. I want to be interested in what I am doing. I want to get something out of what I am doing here. I want to be fully occupied during my time here. I want things to be better- more ordered, sorted out, as a result of my work here. I want a sense of satisfaction from getting things done during the day.
What am I feeling?
Perhaps I am wasting my employers money by going through this process. Nervous about taking time from work to answer these questions. I should just get on with it. I feel restless.
At this moment I become aware once more that I have a choice regarding purpose and the restlessness would seek to obscure that choice. Once again the Holy Spirit whispers of simplicity and I see that I do not need to go on answering the questions in the book. I can simply make a clear statement of purpose in the present moment. I then typed the following:
Today I choose to focus on Reality. I place my awareness on the Truth of Beauty and Love in the highest sense of which I am able to conceive. I know beyond doubt that Beauty is real. I choose to focus on the possibility that this beauty can be extended, and that by holding it in mind I allow for its extension. My willingness is all that the Holy Spirit needs and so today I gladly offer it that His Might may be joined with it and magnify the Truth.
Amen.
Later on in the afternoon I realised that I was being given another opportunity to look at some unquestioned beliefs when I experienced a surge of anger.
The company I work for has two food outlets and an offsite kitchen. My office is in the cafe but most days I also visit the sandwich bar to pick up post etc. Today I opened the post from the sandwich bar to find that we had been sent a catalogue from a company we already order from but who don’t realise that the sandwich bar and restaurant are the same company. The temptation is to think that something has gone ‘wrong’- they’ve sent a catalogue to s/one who doesn’t need it, they’re trying to get us to sign up not realising that we already have. This feeds into the idea that waste is possible, it’s a waste for them to send us a catalogue when we already use them as our supplier.
At this moment it occurs to me to go over to the bookcase where we keep all the catalogues and check for this one. I know that at one point we did infact have two copies of this catalogue as we had one delivered to our offsite kitchen as well as the cafe. When I check on the shelf I find that we don’t have either catalogue in the office at the moment.
I now feel able to call them up & tell them we are the same company without having to hold onto the concept of waste in my mind. Waste is s/one trying to give s/one s/thing that s/he doesn’t want or need. A waste of effort/resources. But if IT- separation, all things of this space/time perception are unreal then there can be no waste. It comes back to responsibility and authority again. If I accept the premise that responsible people make sure that there is no waste of resources then we are tied to being people and being judged on the basis of our actions. If I accept that the only real authority is the Source of true creation- Love, then judgement is not mine to use. Love shines equally upon all that is true and in its light all that is untrue merely disappears. If I am willing to let go of my need to judge and see myself as a responsible person then there is more room for the light to enter and illuminate my actions.
The anger at having received a ‘superfluous’ catalogue dissipates. I just want to let them know that we are one company so that they are not unaware of this fact. Where before I would have started by saying “You’ve sent us a catalogue and we don’t need one because we ALREADY get our fish from you so it’s pointless sending us another one.” Or at least with the tone implied by that statement. Now I want to say “Just wanted to let you know that these two places are the same company so we are already choosing to buy our fish from you! All the orders are placed from the café so you needn’t send anything to the sandwich bar address.” In the middle of writing that I realised that this is the very same fish company mentioned in my last post, the ones who use Peace of Mind printed on their invoices! Ha ha ha.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Writing this post this evening I remember an ongoing saga with another company who constantly send a magazine to us that no-one in the building reads. It is called OOH, which stands for Out Of Home magazine. I always thought it was funny that this magazine had such a strange name for a bakery publication but it never occured to me to consider the name in the light of ACIM terminology. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have railed against this publication!!! I have emailed them, called them, written to them, sent the magazine back to them, everything I could think of to tell them to PLEASE stop sending us the magazine as no-one reads it and it's a waste to send it to us. There was often a piece of paper in with the magazine giving a reduced rate for subscription. Not only were we not subscribing in the first place it seemed IMPOSSIBLE to stop receiving the magazine. Perhaps we could pay them NOT to send it to us! All seemed to go quiet for a while and it appeared that perhaps we were off the list but then at the beginning of February it came again.
In the light of the experience i had today with the fish catalogue I can see this situation differently. It's kind of like the invoice with Peace of Mind written on it. If everything is a symbol then the title of this publication OutOfHome can be looked at with another meaning. Today it speaks to me of where I appear to find myself- out of the kingdom, in a place where communication is difficult and there are many different people (me v the people sending the magazine for example) holding different intentions. Today thinking of this magazine reminds me that being OutOfHome is necessarily an uncomfortable position to be in because it is to feel distanced from the truth. And yet, the Holy Spirit is my constant companion and reminds me that anything unlike home is simply an illusion, a mirage. Every time I think of this magazine I have the opportunity to remind myself of Home in all its glory. To remember that I am asleep at Home, I have not left my Fathers house. What a great symbol!
I am blessed every day to be given so many opportunities to look at mistaken beliefs and to choose the Holy Spirits purpose in all encounters.
Amen
Who am I today?
An employee at V&G, a bookkeeper.
What am I thinking?
I want to do a good job. I want to be interested in what I am doing. I want to get something out of what I am doing here. I want to be fully occupied during my time here. I want things to be better- more ordered, sorted out, as a result of my work here. I want a sense of satisfaction from getting things done during the day.
What am I feeling?
Perhaps I am wasting my employers money by going through this process. Nervous about taking time from work to answer these questions. I should just get on with it. I feel restless.
At this moment I become aware once more that I have a choice regarding purpose and the restlessness would seek to obscure that choice. Once again the Holy Spirit whispers of simplicity and I see that I do not need to go on answering the questions in the book. I can simply make a clear statement of purpose in the present moment. I then typed the following:
Today I choose to focus on Reality. I place my awareness on the Truth of Beauty and Love in the highest sense of which I am able to conceive. I know beyond doubt that Beauty is real. I choose to focus on the possibility that this beauty can be extended, and that by holding it in mind I allow for its extension. My willingness is all that the Holy Spirit needs and so today I gladly offer it that His Might may be joined with it and magnify the Truth.
Amen.
Later on in the afternoon I realised that I was being given another opportunity to look at some unquestioned beliefs when I experienced a surge of anger.
The company I work for has two food outlets and an offsite kitchen. My office is in the cafe but most days I also visit the sandwich bar to pick up post etc. Today I opened the post from the sandwich bar to find that we had been sent a catalogue from a company we already order from but who don’t realise that the sandwich bar and restaurant are the same company. The temptation is to think that something has gone ‘wrong’- they’ve sent a catalogue to s/one who doesn’t need it, they’re trying to get us to sign up not realising that we already have. This feeds into the idea that waste is possible, it’s a waste for them to send us a catalogue when we already use them as our supplier.
At this moment it occurs to me to go over to the bookcase where we keep all the catalogues and check for this one. I know that at one point we did infact have two copies of this catalogue as we had one delivered to our offsite kitchen as well as the cafe. When I check on the shelf I find that we don’t have either catalogue in the office at the moment.
I now feel able to call them up & tell them we are the same company without having to hold onto the concept of waste in my mind. Waste is s/one trying to give s/one s/thing that s/he doesn’t want or need. A waste of effort/resources. But if IT- separation, all things of this space/time perception are unreal then there can be no waste. It comes back to responsibility and authority again. If I accept the premise that responsible people make sure that there is no waste of resources then we are tied to being people and being judged on the basis of our actions. If I accept that the only real authority is the Source of true creation- Love, then judgement is not mine to use. Love shines equally upon all that is true and in its light all that is untrue merely disappears. If I am willing to let go of my need to judge and see myself as a responsible person then there is more room for the light to enter and illuminate my actions.
The anger at having received a ‘superfluous’ catalogue dissipates. I just want to let them know that we are one company so that they are not unaware of this fact. Where before I would have started by saying “You’ve sent us a catalogue and we don’t need one because we ALREADY get our fish from you so it’s pointless sending us another one.” Or at least with the tone implied by that statement. Now I want to say “Just wanted to let you know that these two places are the same company so we are already choosing to buy our fish from you! All the orders are placed from the café so you needn’t send anything to the sandwich bar address.” In the middle of writing that I realised that this is the very same fish company mentioned in my last post, the ones who use Peace of Mind printed on their invoices! Ha ha ha.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Writing this post this evening I remember an ongoing saga with another company who constantly send a magazine to us that no-one in the building reads. It is called OOH, which stands for Out Of Home magazine. I always thought it was funny that this magazine had such a strange name for a bakery publication but it never occured to me to consider the name in the light of ACIM terminology. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have railed against this publication!!! I have emailed them, called them, written to them, sent the magazine back to them, everything I could think of to tell them to PLEASE stop sending us the magazine as no-one reads it and it's a waste to send it to us. There was often a piece of paper in with the magazine giving a reduced rate for subscription. Not only were we not subscribing in the first place it seemed IMPOSSIBLE to stop receiving the magazine. Perhaps we could pay them NOT to send it to us! All seemed to go quiet for a while and it appeared that perhaps we were off the list but then at the beginning of February it came again.
In the light of the experience i had today with the fish catalogue I can see this situation differently. It's kind of like the invoice with Peace of Mind written on it. If everything is a symbol then the title of this publication OutOfHome can be looked at with another meaning. Today it speaks to me of where I appear to find myself- out of the kingdom, in a place where communication is difficult and there are many different people (me v the people sending the magazine for example) holding different intentions. Today thinking of this magazine reminds me that being OutOfHome is necessarily an uncomfortable position to be in because it is to feel distanced from the truth. And yet, the Holy Spirit is my constant companion and reminds me that anything unlike home is simply an illusion, a mirage. Every time I think of this magazine I have the opportunity to remind myself of Home in all its glory. To remember that I am asleep at Home, I have not left my Fathers house. What a great symbol!
I am blessed every day to be given so many opportunities to look at mistaken beliefs and to choose the Holy Spirits purpose in all encounters.
Amen
12 February 2007
The Guiltless Learner
As we finished doing the washing up after breakfast this morning my housemate said “Ah, now I can guiltlessly carry on with the rest of the day.” This struck me as an unusual statement to come from her lips and as such resounded strongly within me. It brought to mind the concept of the guiltless learner from ACIM. Cycling into work the words guiltless learner bounced around in my thoughts bringing the sense that this phrase would illuminate my day.
At work I ‘caught’ myself spending time distractedly reading a business magazine when opening the morning post and was tempted to feel guilty upon realising the distraction. Aha, a guiltless learner doesn’t feel guilty! It is not a matter of right and wrong (I was wrong to spend time reading the magazine) but rather how I would choose to perceive things. Guilt is a choice! This is not something I realise when the guilt goes unquestioned. Unless I am watching my thoughts I seem to be acting responsibly by reprehending myself for allowing the distraction. "When I am 'at work' I ought to be working not reading a magazine" etc, goes the argument for separation! Until I question the validity of the guilt I have no idea that I am making a choice and that there is another way of perceiving the situation.
Having looked at the situation more clearly I notice that the subject of guilt is closely tied in with identity. When I experience guilt I am clearly identifying myself as the body, the employee, the individual entity who creates her own identity- good/bad depending on how responsibly she acts. When willingness to see things another way is held in mind then the door to truth stands open, nothing is left to come between truth and experience.
My identity is never in question it is not changed by the fact that I experienced being distracted. My identity is safe in Christ. The Source from which I was created extends only that which is like itself. God, Love, Truth would never create a reflection capable of making the need for guilt real. The temptation is to believe that I NEED to feel guilty, that it is the natural outcome of being a responsible person who makes mistakes. The alternative view depends on my being willing to let go of a self-created identity, and to rest in the identity given me by my Creator.
As I defined myself according to the qualities outlined in ACIM I felt a sense of peace. I am as God created me. Innocence is my natural state. In that moment I chose as my purpose the opportunity to learn from the Holy Spirit, allowing the Voice for God to speak of my true identity. I chose mind-watching; allowing all thoughts to be and simply letting go of those which are not true.
Later on in the afternoon I was sorting through the newly received invoices in order to file them and I noticed that the seafood company we use print PEACE OF MIND in huge letters across their invoices. My initial reaction was to think- how crazy that a seafood company use the words peace of mind as a logo! What has peace of mind got to do with a supplier of fish?? How can they hijack the concept of peace and use it to support a monetary commercial business? etc etc
Ooooh, another chance for the guiltless learner to step forward. Who am I, infact, to decide where and when the Holy Spirit is able to communicate? Those thoughts did not arise from my identity in Christ but from the darkness where separation is a fact. There are assumptions there about all kinds of things!!
As I noticed a list of assumptions and judgements the thought came to me "All that happened was an attempt to deny the light." For a moment I had been tempted to try and identify all the errors in my thinking but the Holy Spirit spoke clearly of the fact that simplicity is all powerful. All those thoughts which rushed in were simply a way of keeping peace stuck as a concept rather than an experience- and thus at a distance. As soon I saw the situation with clarity there was another choice available. A joyous lesson- the Holy Spirit can reach me even in the seemingly murky world of invoices!! I am in constant communication with the Holy Spirit if I allow the possibility.
In the afternoon there is a perceived sense of tiredness. I don’t want to be here doing this. That is basically what this tiredness is tied to- a thought that there is somewhere else I would rather be. I have noticed it as a recurring theme when at the desk. I am reminded of the book that I read last night- The Thing about Jane Spring. This was a great lesson from the Holy Spirit concerning purpose. Change the purpose and everything else changes as a result. What would have seemed impossible or quite out of character becomes natural, easy, enjoyable. Reading the book emphasised for me how behaviour can be changed in a moment if there is a strong and clear sense of purpose. The fact that in the book the story seems to be about a woman trying to make a man fall in love with her is immaterial. There was a clear message from the Holy Spirit.
The message applied to this moment means that there is a possibility for a complete turnaround in perception if the purpose is changed. I could experience this moment in a completely new way if I allow the purpose to be different. It seems related to the purpose of the body. Would I use the body as a means to an end? Is the function of the body to bring me pleasure with its opposite of pain? By locating the body in a different part of space/time would I thus give myself the opportunity to discover happiness where previously it was lacking? Am I (who??) in a position to know what will bring me happiness? When I begin to question it there is a clear sense that I have no idea on what basis I am deciding that to be located bodily in a different location would somehow bring a release of this apparent tiredness.
The Holy Spirit can reach into every moment, every location, every situation, every event, every interaction, every conversation, every object, every perception, every space, every gap. Nowhere is excluded. I am open to the presence of the Holy Spirit in this moment.
At work I ‘caught’ myself spending time distractedly reading a business magazine when opening the morning post and was tempted to feel guilty upon realising the distraction. Aha, a guiltless learner doesn’t feel guilty! It is not a matter of right and wrong (I was wrong to spend time reading the magazine) but rather how I would choose to perceive things. Guilt is a choice! This is not something I realise when the guilt goes unquestioned. Unless I am watching my thoughts I seem to be acting responsibly by reprehending myself for allowing the distraction. "When I am 'at work' I ought to be working not reading a magazine" etc, goes the argument for separation! Until I question the validity of the guilt I have no idea that I am making a choice and that there is another way of perceiving the situation.
Having looked at the situation more clearly I notice that the subject of guilt is closely tied in with identity. When I experience guilt I am clearly identifying myself as the body, the employee, the individual entity who creates her own identity- good/bad depending on how responsibly she acts. When willingness to see things another way is held in mind then the door to truth stands open, nothing is left to come between truth and experience.
My identity is never in question it is not changed by the fact that I experienced being distracted. My identity is safe in Christ. The Source from which I was created extends only that which is like itself. God, Love, Truth would never create a reflection capable of making the need for guilt real. The temptation is to believe that I NEED to feel guilty, that it is the natural outcome of being a responsible person who makes mistakes. The alternative view depends on my being willing to let go of a self-created identity, and to rest in the identity given me by my Creator.
As I defined myself according to the qualities outlined in ACIM I felt a sense of peace. I am as God created me. Innocence is my natural state. In that moment I chose as my purpose the opportunity to learn from the Holy Spirit, allowing the Voice for God to speak of my true identity. I chose mind-watching; allowing all thoughts to be and simply letting go of those which are not true.
Later on in the afternoon I was sorting through the newly received invoices in order to file them and I noticed that the seafood company we use print PEACE OF MIND in huge letters across their invoices. My initial reaction was to think- how crazy that a seafood company use the words peace of mind as a logo! What has peace of mind got to do with a supplier of fish?? How can they hijack the concept of peace and use it to support a monetary commercial business? etc etc
Ooooh, another chance for the guiltless learner to step forward. Who am I, infact, to decide where and when the Holy Spirit is able to communicate? Those thoughts did not arise from my identity in Christ but from the darkness where separation is a fact. There are assumptions there about all kinds of things!!
As I noticed a list of assumptions and judgements the thought came to me "All that happened was an attempt to deny the light." For a moment I had been tempted to try and identify all the errors in my thinking but the Holy Spirit spoke clearly of the fact that simplicity is all powerful. All those thoughts which rushed in were simply a way of keeping peace stuck as a concept rather than an experience- and thus at a distance. As soon I saw the situation with clarity there was another choice available. A joyous lesson- the Holy Spirit can reach me even in the seemingly murky world of invoices!! I am in constant communication with the Holy Spirit if I allow the possibility.
In the afternoon there is a perceived sense of tiredness. I don’t want to be here doing this. That is basically what this tiredness is tied to- a thought that there is somewhere else I would rather be. I have noticed it as a recurring theme when at the desk. I am reminded of the book that I read last night- The Thing about Jane Spring. This was a great lesson from the Holy Spirit concerning purpose. Change the purpose and everything else changes as a result. What would have seemed impossible or quite out of character becomes natural, easy, enjoyable. Reading the book emphasised for me how behaviour can be changed in a moment if there is a strong and clear sense of purpose. The fact that in the book the story seems to be about a woman trying to make a man fall in love with her is immaterial. There was a clear message from the Holy Spirit.
The message applied to this moment means that there is a possibility for a complete turnaround in perception if the purpose is changed. I could experience this moment in a completely new way if I allow the purpose to be different. It seems related to the purpose of the body. Would I use the body as a means to an end? Is the function of the body to bring me pleasure with its opposite of pain? By locating the body in a different part of space/time would I thus give myself the opportunity to discover happiness where previously it was lacking? Am I (who??) in a position to know what will bring me happiness? When I begin to question it there is a clear sense that I have no idea on what basis I am deciding that to be located bodily in a different location would somehow bring a release of this apparent tiredness.
The Holy Spirit can reach into every moment, every location, every situation, every event, every interaction, every conversation, every object, every perception, every space, every gap. Nowhere is excluded. I am open to the presence of the Holy Spirit in this moment.
7 February 2007
looking at wealth in a new light
Surfing the web yesterday I found myself looking at the word wealth and being given the opportunity to question anew what this word symbolises...
What qualities does the word wealth suggest to me if there is a willingness to hear anew?
unlimited
expansive
all encompassing
without end
present now
overflowing
abundant
joyous
True wealth is the experience of being held in Love's embrace.
Those who recognise true wealth see that ALL is given to ALL, there can be no wants in Truth.
Wealth is a statment of the truth about the inheritance given me by the Source from which I was brought forth.
Wealth is simply a word, a symbol that can be used to point the mind in a certain direction.
The word wealth is not often used in my vocabulary so it's very interesting for me to have the opportunity to look at this word afresh! At first glance the word seems to be tied in very closely with the idea of money. I have never been interested in the idea of being 'wealthy/rich' thinking of money instead as something which can be used to provide for basic needs of shelter/food/clothing. Wealth to me denoted a desire to have more than necessary for the basic needs of life.
Ooooh, many assumptions going on here!
By rejecting the idea of wealth I accepted the idea of limitation; it's better to limit oneself only to what is necessary. I was holding onto the idea that excess is possible and something to be avoided. In holding these thoughts limitation was labelled as a virtue! Wealth as excess became the standard. Some have more while others have less, the trick is to make sure that you have only as much as you need. What a struggle- where is the borderline between having enough and having more than you need? When I look at it like this it really makes no sense. I am attempting to order reality- in the terminology of ACIM. I always have more than I need because I never have absolutely £0 in the bank. I am always anticipating the next thing I need to pay for- rent, food, bills. But in any one moment I have an excess of money for that exact moment. I never go into debt but I am always anticipating the costs coming in the future.
The point of this exercise is not to berate myself for having an excess but simply to point out that the reasoning is completely flawed. If I can truly see that judgement is impossible then it is gone. It was never revealed to me before how judgement was operating so openly in this arena. I have ALWAYS been operating under this unseen premise- how very very interesting. Those around me have often been surprised at my ability to 'live' off a frugal sum of money and even manage to save some. Well, it's easy when you feel a sense of justification in your actions- I am doing the right thing. Making sure I am not prone to excess. I can be satisfied that I am not one of those who...doesn't care about those who have less, thinks that money is the be all and end all, wants more and more, thinks that having money equates with happiness, is basically WRONG about the value of money. Ha ha ha. It is a glorious thing to uncover the ranting of the ego as to be open is to heal. If I am truly honest about the thoughts spinning around it is EASY to see how ridiculous they are. Echoing the words of Edward De Bono "I am right. You are wrong." A classic example of the split mind desperate to maintain the illusion that separation could offer Oneness anything that it might want. It is only when I am afraid to reveal these thoughts that they appear to have any real substance. My fear lends them a weight which they do not carry without it.
In this mind then, wealth was used as a symbol to justify limitation. It was used to bring shade to it's apparent opposite- frugality. Acceptance of opposites creates the basis for judgement and this must lead to separation. Having accepted the premise that wealth is to be avoided I see myself as separate from those who appear to desire wealth. In my perception we become completely unlike one another, and never the twain shall meet.
Except that I would open the door. I desire Vision. I am willing to uncover what has been hidden. I have asked for help in this and so help is at hand.
Having been given the opportunity to re-examine this symbol I am able to choose a new definition based on the interpretation of wealth as non-material. Limitation is not a virtue, I was not created out of limitation I was created as a reflection and extension of Love. Love would not put limits on its expression. Wealth is my right because of Who I Am, offspring of Love and that new identity is SHARED with ALL! How can this joyous news fail to bring me peace.
I would like to acknowledge the help I have received and mention Beca Lewis as her words drew me onto this point. THANK YOU Beca.
Blessings Abound!
What qualities does the word wealth suggest to me if there is a willingness to hear anew?
unlimited
expansive
all encompassing
without end
present now
overflowing
abundant
joyous
True wealth is the experience of being held in Love's embrace.
Those who recognise true wealth see that ALL is given to ALL, there can be no wants in Truth.
Wealth is a statment of the truth about the inheritance given me by the Source from which I was brought forth.
Wealth is simply a word, a symbol that can be used to point the mind in a certain direction.
The word wealth is not often used in my vocabulary so it's very interesting for me to have the opportunity to look at this word afresh! At first glance the word seems to be tied in very closely with the idea of money. I have never been interested in the idea of being 'wealthy/rich' thinking of money instead as something which can be used to provide for basic needs of shelter/food/clothing. Wealth to me denoted a desire to have more than necessary for the basic needs of life.
Ooooh, many assumptions going on here!
By rejecting the idea of wealth I accepted the idea of limitation; it's better to limit oneself only to what is necessary. I was holding onto the idea that excess is possible and something to be avoided. In holding these thoughts limitation was labelled as a virtue! Wealth as excess became the standard. Some have more while others have less, the trick is to make sure that you have only as much as you need. What a struggle- where is the borderline between having enough and having more than you need? When I look at it like this it really makes no sense. I am attempting to order reality- in the terminology of ACIM. I always have more than I need because I never have absolutely £0 in the bank. I am always anticipating the next thing I need to pay for- rent, food, bills. But in any one moment I have an excess of money for that exact moment. I never go into debt but I am always anticipating the costs coming in the future.
The point of this exercise is not to berate myself for having an excess but simply to point out that the reasoning is completely flawed. If I can truly see that judgement is impossible then it is gone. It was never revealed to me before how judgement was operating so openly in this arena. I have ALWAYS been operating under this unseen premise- how very very interesting. Those around me have often been surprised at my ability to 'live' off a frugal sum of money and even manage to save some. Well, it's easy when you feel a sense of justification in your actions- I am doing the right thing. Making sure I am not prone to excess. I can be satisfied that I am not one of those who...doesn't care about those who have less, thinks that money is the be all and end all, wants more and more, thinks that having money equates with happiness, is basically WRONG about the value of money. Ha ha ha. It is a glorious thing to uncover the ranting of the ego as to be open is to heal. If I am truly honest about the thoughts spinning around it is EASY to see how ridiculous they are. Echoing the words of Edward De Bono "I am right. You are wrong." A classic example of the split mind desperate to maintain the illusion that separation could offer Oneness anything that it might want. It is only when I am afraid to reveal these thoughts that they appear to have any real substance. My fear lends them a weight which they do not carry without it.
In this mind then, wealth was used as a symbol to justify limitation. It was used to bring shade to it's apparent opposite- frugality. Acceptance of opposites creates the basis for judgement and this must lead to separation. Having accepted the premise that wealth is to be avoided I see myself as separate from those who appear to desire wealth. In my perception we become completely unlike one another, and never the twain shall meet.
Except that I would open the door. I desire Vision. I am willing to uncover what has been hidden. I have asked for help in this and so help is at hand.
Having been given the opportunity to re-examine this symbol I am able to choose a new definition based on the interpretation of wealth as non-material. Limitation is not a virtue, I was not created out of limitation I was created as a reflection and extension of Love. Love would not put limits on its expression. Wealth is my right because of Who I Am, offspring of Love and that new identity is SHARED with ALL! How can this joyous news fail to bring me peace.
I would like to acknowledge the help I have received and mention Beca Lewis as her words drew me onto this point. THANK YOU Beca.
Blessings Abound!
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