Reading the latest post on www.reginadawnakers.com 'What Knowing knows' there is a strong sensation occuring. As I read about the dust and the furniture something stirs within. I begin to look upon thoughts that have been arising over the last few days. As I see apparent desires for specific outcomes in the world arising in the mind, up pops the idea that these thoughts are dangerous. It might not turn out how I want and then I won't be happy, for example. There is the thought that I'm better off not looking too closely at what it is that I want. There is a feeling of guilt arising that such desires are present. I see a few of these desires connected to various situations in the world and then I get a very clear sensation that there is yet something stronger than the attraction to all of these. As I look upon desires for specific outcomes I begin to sense the transparency of these desires. These desires are the dust, the surface layer. I lose all sense of needing to be worried about these desires for specific outcomes. I connect with a great sense of Trust. I am completely willing to place my trust in the Holy Spirit. I trust that He will lead me where I want to be, I trust that His purpose is present in All that I seem to experience. This Trust is undoubtedly stronger than any of the apparent desires for specific outcomes that were previously seen as an excuse for guilt. I feel the strength of this Trust and all doubts are gone. The thoughts connected to specific outcomes in the world arise again and I look upon them, accepting their presence in the mind but seeing that they have no power. Seeing the lack of power in these thoughts there is an awareness that Desire is yet present and yet the guilt is gone. The desire for specific outcomes is merely a filter over my True Desire. The desire to know my Self As I Am is ever present and to connect with it is to give up all pretence that I could ever choose anything else. How crazy to be afraid that I might really prefer to choose a specific outcome over This! A feeling of immense joy arises. I need never be afraid to look more closely. I need only be willing to ask for His Vision. To follow the desire of the heart is to be immersed in the song of joy. Desire without guilt! As the mind rests in this knowledge such gratitude arises that the heart is overflowing with it. What joy that this is the truth of my Self. This is all I could ever want...
What joy that the song of gratitude is never left unsung!
In all moments the song is being sung and as I have ears to hear I realise that this song is all there is. The song is my Self, the truth of my Self. What untempered joy is this? It is but the Truth about my Self. It is the desire of the heart to sing this song and so it IS ever sung. As awareness joins with the music of the song the heart lifts up, expands, dissolves into the existence of the song. This music is that which was forgotten and yet it never ceased to be sung.
To hear the song is to know my Self as I am and to feel the unfolding and unending joy of gratitude for our One Mind. To know, to feel the strength of our willingness is to sing this song over and over, this desire is foundational, nothing is stronger.
Resting in the music the heart is whole, no desire is left unfulfilled, this is All, there is nothing else to be done.
Praise be that the song is never left unsung!
1 April 2008
26 March 2008
Humility
I am willing to see All events as opportunities to learn about mySelf.
Today I responded as though it were not in my best interests to get no response from my email to B____. As I walked home there was enough space in the mind for the thought that *I don't know what is in my best interests* to be heard. After this sunk in I became humble enough to remember that I have no idea what thoughts need healing in the mind. I remembered that I choose to place my trust in OneMind, not in the thoughts of Esther. I trust our OneMind to bring exactly those thoughts that need looking at with the Light to the surface. In this way I can see B____ as an agent of OneMind acting to help this mind find those thoughts that need to be seen with willingness.
So these were the thoughts arising:
I want to share my experience with B____, to tell him about what happened over easter.
I want B____ to respond to my request to meet up with him.
B____ should respond to my request to meet.
1) Is it true that he should?
The reality is that he hasn't responded, so no it can't be true.
3) How do I react when I believe he should respond and he doesn't?
I imagine reasons why he doesn't respond. I see us meeting and me being unable to be 'natural' around him. I see me being suspicious around him. I see me pushing him away. I see me putting distance between us. I see me being unable to make any request of him again. I see me waiting for him to contact me. I see me unable to express what I wanted to express.
4) How would it be if the thought could not enter my mind that he should respond?
I would be open to guidance. Anything would be a possibility. I would be free to respond to any ideas that came up. I would be open-minded as to the next course of action.
B____ shouldn't respond to my request to meet.
*He shouldn't respond as the Holy Spirit can teach me about the true nature of mySelf through the experience of him not responding.
*He shouldn't respond as that alerts me to the temptation of choosing my response from the viewpoint of the personality.
*He shouldn't respond as it gives me the opportunity to reaffirm yet again the commitment made in OneMind to let go of all obstacles to Love's presence.
*He shouldn't respond, as this has re-awakened the presence of humility within.
*B____ shouldn't respond to E____'s request. OneMind is willing to see THIS as evidence of the Reality of limitless LOVE.
I am grateful that I can trust my teacher to show me all that needs to be seen in the healing Light of forgiveness. I stand humble in the presence of Love acting within my life. I am willing to accept that I have been wrong about Love, about my brother and that I need to be taught anew. Holy Spirit I accept Your guidance, Your presence in my life and I humbly acknowledge that only You know what needs to be seen, to be brought to the Light. I trust that All events, All circumstances and All relationships are guided by You. I am willing to see All through your eyes. I know not what is in my best interests.
I trust that You will show me.
Love IS
I am willing
I see only to accept and not to judge
In thanks
Esther
Today I responded as though it were not in my best interests to get no response from my email to B____. As I walked home there was enough space in the mind for the thought that *I don't know what is in my best interests* to be heard. After this sunk in I became humble enough to remember that I have no idea what thoughts need healing in the mind. I remembered that I choose to place my trust in OneMind, not in the thoughts of Esther. I trust our OneMind to bring exactly those thoughts that need looking at with the Light to the surface. In this way I can see B____ as an agent of OneMind acting to help this mind find those thoughts that need to be seen with willingness.
So these were the thoughts arising:
I want to share my experience with B____, to tell him about what happened over easter.
I want B____ to respond to my request to meet up with him.
B____ should respond to my request to meet.
1) Is it true that he should?
The reality is that he hasn't responded, so no it can't be true.
3) How do I react when I believe he should respond and he doesn't?
I imagine reasons why he doesn't respond. I see us meeting and me being unable to be 'natural' around him. I see me being suspicious around him. I see me pushing him away. I see me putting distance between us. I see me being unable to make any request of him again. I see me waiting for him to contact me. I see me unable to express what I wanted to express.
4) How would it be if the thought could not enter my mind that he should respond?
I would be open to guidance. Anything would be a possibility. I would be free to respond to any ideas that came up. I would be open-minded as to the next course of action.
B____ shouldn't respond to my request to meet.
*He shouldn't respond as the Holy Spirit can teach me about the true nature of mySelf through the experience of him not responding.
*He shouldn't respond as that alerts me to the temptation of choosing my response from the viewpoint of the personality.
*He shouldn't respond as it gives me the opportunity to reaffirm yet again the commitment made in OneMind to let go of all obstacles to Love's presence.
*He shouldn't respond, as this has re-awakened the presence of humility within.
*B____ shouldn't respond to E____'s request. OneMind is willing to see THIS as evidence of the Reality of limitless LOVE.
I am grateful that I can trust my teacher to show me all that needs to be seen in the healing Light of forgiveness. I stand humble in the presence of Love acting within my life. I am willing to accept that I have been wrong about Love, about my brother and that I need to be taught anew. Holy Spirit I accept Your guidance, Your presence in my life and I humbly acknowledge that only You know what needs to be seen, to be brought to the Light. I trust that All events, All circumstances and All relationships are guided by You. I am willing to see All through your eyes. I know not what is in my best interests.
I trust that You will show me.
Love IS
I am willing
I see only to accept and not to judge
In thanks
Esther
13 March 2008
Acceptance
There was a strong feeling of fear arising in awareness today and I was conscious of the desire to look at what was arising rather than turning away from it. When I tried to summarise the thought connected to the feeling it came out as follows:
I am afraid that there will be sadness arising if it turns out that B____ and S____ are 'going out'
Once I had written that sentence I realised that it took me much closer to the source of the discomfort that had occasionally surfaced over the last 2 weeks. Today I was much stronger in my willingness to look at this feeling and also to trust that the Holy Spirit was going to help me look at this feeling today. I sensed that I was about to find out whether or not B___ and S___ were 'going out' and I wanted to look upon the whole situation through the vision of the Holy Spirit. I sat there for some time feeling the strength of my willingness to see it through His eyes and then I started to type the following:
If sadness is arising then I am willing to accept that sadness, and to rest in acceptance.
The experience of sadness comes to mySelf through my willingness. (I am not a victim of the world I see.)
I accept that I gave my willingness to direct the power of Light through the filter of *faith in that which is not true*
I accept that the power of Light and mySelf are one. The experience of sadness arising comes to me through the power of Light therefore the arising of sadness is an experience that mySelf desired.
I desired to experience the apparent existence of that which is not true.
This feeling arising is the result of placing faith in the idea that I can be other than I am.
One Mind IS able to place faith in *that which is not true* but this never makes it real.
Sadness arising proves that the power of Light is capable of producing the *experience* of that which is not true.
One Mind is not defined by experience.
Experience exists *as* an experience due to the freedom of One Mind.
One Mind is free to forget that experience was made through placing faith in an untrue idea.
One mind is free to remember that experience was made through placing faith in an untrue idea.
The Power of Light is within me.
Amen
Esther
I am afraid that there will be sadness arising if it turns out that B____ and S____ are 'going out'
Once I had written that sentence I realised that it took me much closer to the source of the discomfort that had occasionally surfaced over the last 2 weeks. Today I was much stronger in my willingness to look at this feeling and also to trust that the Holy Spirit was going to help me look at this feeling today. I sensed that I was about to find out whether or not B___ and S___ were 'going out' and I wanted to look upon the whole situation through the vision of the Holy Spirit. I sat there for some time feeling the strength of my willingness to see it through His eyes and then I started to type the following:
If sadness is arising then I am willing to accept that sadness, and to rest in acceptance.
The experience of sadness comes to mySelf through my willingness. (I am not a victim of the world I see.)
I accept that I gave my willingness to direct the power of Light through the filter of *faith in that which is not true*
I accept that the power of Light and mySelf are one. The experience of sadness arising comes to me through the power of Light therefore the arising of sadness is an experience that mySelf desired.
I desired to experience the apparent existence of that which is not true.
This feeling arising is the result of placing faith in the idea that I can be other than I am.
One Mind IS able to place faith in *that which is not true* but this never makes it real.
Sadness arising proves that the power of Light is capable of producing the *experience* of that which is not true.
One Mind is not defined by experience.
Experience exists *as* an experience due to the freedom of One Mind.
One Mind is free to forget that experience was made through placing faith in an untrue idea.
One mind is free to remember that experience was made through placing faith in an untrue idea.
The Power of Light is within me.
Amen
Esther
12 March 2008
Eating leaves
Today brought a funny experience. Whilst cycling to work in the morning I pass a lot of hedgerow. Right now there are lots of hawthorn bushes coming into leaf. The thought came to mind last time I passed these bushes that young hawthorn leaves are apparently good to eat. I remembered this today and at one point stopped pedalling and let the bike come to a stop right next to some young hawthorn leaves. The leaves were such a vibrant colour green as they unfurled from the buds. There was a fascination with them and I picked some and ate them. My attention was focused on the sensation of eating the leaves and then I felt it was time to go. As I turned to start pedalling the bike again there was a man walking toward me only about 2 metres away. There was such a strong temptation to recoil and withdraw! "How did he get there? I didn't realise anyone was nearby. He will think I'm crazy eating leaves from a tree, how can I hide what I've been doing from him? He must have seen. There's nothing I can do. I can't pretend to be 'normal' so I'll just get out of here as fast as I can." Pedalling away at speed I managed to smile at him but with the sense of keeping him at arms length.
Before I reached the end of the road there was an awareness of the reaction that had just arisen and that it was a funny response. How funny that eating leaves was used as an excuse to justify the possibility of attack. In the moment it seemed perfectly logical that there should be fear arising in response to being seen eating leaves. As the mind became more open to enquiry the response became questionable rather than logical. What had arisen in the mind? I felt as though I'd been caught doing something unexplainable. As though he had been witness to a state of intimacy that the thinking mind had judged as abnormal. There was a sense of needing to 'cover up' what had just happened and pretend that I was 'normal.'
I need to hide what I am experiencing.
1) Is that true for me?
Felt true in that first moment but now I see that it is not true for me.
3)How do I react when I invest faith in the thought that I need to hide what I'm experiencing?
I am suspicious of my brothe. I see him as a threat. I want to deny what I was doing. I want to disappear. I feel very uncomfortable. I want to change the past. I want him to disappear. I don't want to see him and I don't want him to see me.
4)What would it be like if it were impossible for the thought to arise that I need to hide what I'm experiencing?
There would be an open-mindedness. Willingness to remain in the experience of intimacy. Absence of judgement. Peace of mind. Meeting my brother where he is.
Turnaround
I don't need to hide what I am experiencing.
*Uncovering what I was experiencing when I was with J brought a direct experience of Love in action.
*Uncovering what I experience when I am with M allows Holy Spirit to show me new ways of looking at thoughts.
*Uncovering thoughts by questioning them brings clarity and vision.
I look forward to the thought arising that I need to hide what I am experiencing again.
I look forward to the opportunity to choose again, to see what would happen if I am willing to rest openly in my experience.
Thank you Holy Spirit for bringing me everything that needs to be seen with Your Vision. I trust you and Your Purpose. In joy and laughter we continue this journey together.
Esther
Before I reached the end of the road there was an awareness of the reaction that had just arisen and that it was a funny response. How funny that eating leaves was used as an excuse to justify the possibility of attack. In the moment it seemed perfectly logical that there should be fear arising in response to being seen eating leaves. As the mind became more open to enquiry the response became questionable rather than logical. What had arisen in the mind? I felt as though I'd been caught doing something unexplainable. As though he had been witness to a state of intimacy that the thinking mind had judged as abnormal. There was a sense of needing to 'cover up' what had just happened and pretend that I was 'normal.'
I need to hide what I am experiencing.
1) Is that true for me?
Felt true in that first moment but now I see that it is not true for me.
3)How do I react when I invest faith in the thought that I need to hide what I'm experiencing?
I am suspicious of my brothe. I see him as a threat. I want to deny what I was doing. I want to disappear. I feel very uncomfortable. I want to change the past. I want him to disappear. I don't want to see him and I don't want him to see me.
4)What would it be like if it were impossible for the thought to arise that I need to hide what I'm experiencing?
There would be an open-mindedness. Willingness to remain in the experience of intimacy. Absence of judgement. Peace of mind. Meeting my brother where he is.
Turnaround
I don't need to hide what I am experiencing.
*Uncovering what I was experiencing when I was with J brought a direct experience of Love in action.
*Uncovering what I experience when I am with M allows Holy Spirit to show me new ways of looking at thoughts.
*Uncovering thoughts by questioning them brings clarity and vision.
I look forward to the thought arising that I need to hide what I am experiencing again.
I look forward to the opportunity to choose again, to see what would happen if I am willing to rest openly in my experience.
Thank you Holy Spirit for bringing me everything that needs to be seen with Your Vision. I trust you and Your Purpose. In joy and laughter we continue this journey together.
Esther
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